A bit more thoughtfulness from adult son

Re the cleaner - the work on your house probably cost you £000s, and was worth every penny, so why stint on a cleaner? Hope you feel brighter very soon.

What seems important to you , is not always obvious to adult children and I think we have all been guilty of assuming that they will do what we want without being asked!
If you can afford it, I'd get cleaners in - if you belong to your community facebook group, ask for recommendations.

Grandmadinosaur, I guess your son simply has never learned that aging parents need help sometimes. Or maybe he has never learned that parents are part of his family in the sense that his household and parents' household constantly help each other.

Still, offering the use of his bathroom is a good sign, and you can build on this and ask him quietly and without resentment if he will help with whatever. He may have no notion that your are very tired.

It is no wonder if you have over- tired yourself with all the upset and maybe financial worry too. I do hope you can get cleaners in.

I think grown kids really are used to us being the parent. Must be nice, right?

Also, we've been where they are but they haven't been where we are so they can be clueless sometimes as well about aging related changes.

Finally, they're often in the heaviest responsibility years of their own lives, with jobs, mortgages and kids.

I definitely get it, though. Sometimes I get annoyed or worse with mine too and wonder if I spoiled them or what.

Then I eventually either let it slide or say something to them. Like maybe even as easy as acknowledging what he texted you about, then going on to tell him what's going on there. And asking for specific assistance, if hands-on help is needed from him.

Surely when you've spent a lot of money on renovations, paying a cleaner for a few hours work should be a necessity. You wouldn't do the trade work yourself - why kill yourself with the clean up job ?

I dont think this is about getting or not getting a cleaner but the fact that the offer of practical help was not forthcoming despite no doubt all the help that the OPs son has had from his now clearly exhausted parents.
Its about thoughtfulness and consideration. If they asked him directly he would doubtless help but the offer to help is the thing we woukd hope for.

Who says son has time to offer to clean up? It was good of him to offer the use of his bathroom. I tend to be of the mind that if you can afford renovations, you can afford to pay for someone to clean up afterwards if you can't do it yourself.

Since my DSs both live 150 miles away, the issue would never arise in my circumstances. If I did have alterations/renovations done, I wouldn't hesitate to get in a cleaning agency to do a thorough deep clean. And I wouldn't be very surprised if one or both of my sons offered to pay for the cleaning. So I say to the OP: don't hesitate to get in the professionals who will probably do a far better job than your son would if he felt pressurised to help.

I was going to say just what BlueberryPie said! It is a kind of compliment really, they see us as the capable parents and don't realise we are getting older and perhaps can't manage quite as well as we used to. The text shows he thinks about you in a nice way. Perhaps just ask for some help with a specific task, if he's like my son it simply won't have occurred to him that you could do with a helping hand

Thinking backwards, I would take my parents around as they did not drive. But never occured to me to suggest that i do jobs in their home for them.
I do still have guilt feelings that I should have been able to see my Dad more, after my Mum died. But I was busy with a large family, and a disabled hubbie. When he offered to come to do some decorating for me, I was extremely grateful. He is nearly 80 years old then. Did not occur to me that he was old - he was just my Dad.
I am now that age, so see things very differently. However, I accept that my children have their own busy lives. Have a daughter who lives nearby, and if I asked for assistance with something, would probably try to give it - but her priority is (correctly IMO), her own children and hubbie.