Am I being too sensitive

Now that the charity shops are open go browse for small gifts. Living on a very restricted amount of money is challenging when it comes to presents. Set a limit - say up to £5 - and think ahead for presents. Keep a "gift box" ready and store them until it's time to give them. This not only means you buy something someone wants, at a price you can afford, but it also supports the charity you buy from. And gives you a day out! I have bought very lovely things over the years for family and friends. A couple of friends and I have done this for years, and it's always a lovely surprise at Christmas and birthdays to see what they've collected for me over the year. Wrapped in pretty tissue and given in a pretty gift bag it's a delight. They are often brand new, even the baby clothes, or in extremely good condition. Pieces of pretty china or glass, Denby bits and pieces that I know someone collects, games and puzzles, lego, books .... No-one need know, or you can tell people about your exceptional and thoughtful approach. No-one has ever turned their noses up at what I've given them: it saves a heap of money, provides a bit of fun while browsing and supports good causes. Going digital, you could ask people to set up "wish lists" on Amazon and choose something from that to give them, then you know in advance what they cost. Good luck with what you decide! I'll be sticking to my charity shop treasures!

I gradually stopped giving to my nieces but then it all started up again when they had families and I was then giving to the great nieces. However, never a phone call or a an email thank you from anyone for birthday or Christmas, and never even a birthday card for me, their only aunt. Leaves you feeling a bit grumpy about the whole situation.

I would stop. I have always restricted who I give things too as it can get out of hand. I never gave my brother and sister presents but did for the children when they were small. (I don’t get on with my sister anyway so why give her anything!). My DM is almost 100 and has only recently stopped giving to all and sundry - I managed to get her to agree to stop except for her GGC. She never had a thank you from them and they rarely visited or contacted her so why should she keep giving? I give when I feel the occasion warrants it but not otherwise. They probably think I am mean but I don’t care!

We seemed to have reached a good situation in our (ever growing) family as no-one has much money to throw around so IF we are going to see the person near their birthday or at Christmas we take a home made gift. If we don't see them , they just get a card
I have had some lovely little presents from my nieces, all hand made and so clever

I am a stitcher so they all get make-up bags, shoppers, scrunchies or drinks mats. I am working on a painted terracotta pots for Christmas this year. One niece always makes gorgeous truffles and another scented candles, the boyfriend made wooden dishes and another grows plants

We all enjoy seeing what everyone has been up to and know that no-one is out of pocket or feels embarrassed that they can't keep up

If you expect your giving to be reciprocated & matched then it’s a transaction not an act of generosity. Your brother has made it very clear that he doesn’t regard gift giving as important as you do so I don’t understand why you’ve carried on like this for so long. Just stop.

I think it would seem a bit odd if you suddenly stopped giving presents.

As others have said, it was your choice to buy more expensive presents but perhaps now is the time, especially as you are possibly on a limited income, to buy modest gifts rather than spending a lot of money. Personally, I think a nice card to more distant relatives is sufficient.

Anyone who feels obligated but can't see how to stop well gifts do not have to be big or expensive. A nice bar of chocolate perhaps might be appreciated or a comic if its a child, or knit a little bag or a tiny Teddy. Felt pens and a colouring book maybe. Sometimes a small well thought out gift is more enjoyed than an expensive one that is not thoughtful. At Christmas maybe a Christmas decoration.
And actually that applies to anyone of any age, something cheap that I enjoy is better than an expensive bit of clutter

Just after the war my sister and I were very hard up so we made a pact not to give presents. This continued but on her eightieth birthday she had a big family party so I did give her a present. I do send money for my great grandchildren now and they do thank me and tell me they are putting it in their savings.
The fact that one does not give presents does not mean you do not love them.

I think stop, although I need to tell myself the same. I'm on my own & my friend buys presents for me from her 2 grown up children, so I feel obliged to buy them back. Now one has a partner & a baby due soon, I'll buy the baby a gift when it's born, but Xmas, I really can't buy them all. I've hinted before and they took no notice, I'll have to be stronger, big girl pants on Good luck

I actually think it all gets a bit silly and out of hand. My brother tends to forget my DD's birthdays anyway and despite the fact that I always make the effort to get cards to him and his wife well ahead of time they always leave it until the very last minute or even forget our birthdays altogether.

We used to buy cards and gifts for his GC, my great nephews and nieces but after watching one of them open an expensive well chosen gift that was then tossed aside, open the card and glare at me because there was no money in it I made the decision to stop buying cards and gifts or them.

I now only ever buy for my AC and GC, my siblings, my partner and a close friend. My brother and SIL still get the timing wrong but I don't mind that, my conscience is clear.

Presents are such a tricky chapter... in my experience a lot of presents are given which actually are not appreciated. My birth family and I stopped giving each other presents decades ago and we don’t feel less loved for that! I give to son, daughter in law and their fairly young children( plus husband). SO much nicer not to have this feeling of ought to/ guilt.

If you want to and can afford it, give. If you neither want to nor can afford it stop. It's completely up to you - it's unlikely you'll change someone else's giving behaviour, personally I only give my sisters token gifts unless its for a milestone birthday. their children and grandchildren don't get anything any more.

STOP. X

I buy my sons and wife’s and grandkids only everyone else gets a card. I even only spent a certain amount on my boys and wife’s and grandkids. My youngest sons wife mum and dad spends a fortune on her and my son and grandkids and I used to feel like I wasn’t buying either lol but then I thought it’s not who gets the best it’s what I can afford and that’s what you should do. Buy what you can afford. I’m quite sure that they don’t want you to skint yourself.

I totally agree, Germanshepherdsmum. I have never had a thank you of any sort from my nephew or his children. I stopped sending anything last Christmas( my excuse to myself was lockdown). I have been sending a cheque to their dad to cover all three birthdays, suggesting it goes toward a family day out, but I rarely get an acknowledgement. I didn’t even know if it arrived, so I think that will be the last.
I would be happy with an email or text these days, it a letter would be lovely.
His sister, my niece, always thanks me, so that’s the difference.

Not exactly on topic, but it really disappoints me that little thank you notes from children/teenagers seem to be a thing of the past. When I was a child I was made to sit and write my thank you letters, and I still do. I don’t give in the expectation of thanks, but it comes across to me as bad manners or couldn’t care less, and I’m left wondering if the gift (usually cash nowadays) actually arrived and was appreciated.

I would explain to your niece(s)/nephew(s) that you can, unfortunately, no longer afford birthday presents for their children. You could say you'll continue till they're a specific age ( 5,10,12?) with smaller presents if you don't want to stop suddenly or want to stop at same age for the three of them.
You could maybe just take small presents for all of them if you go to visit them occasionally if you can afford to do so (but make it clear they are not birthday presents).
No need to feel guilty - most of us have to draw the line somewhere for financial reasons so they shouldn't be offended.
We all have different priorities and budgets - so, whatever people do, it shouldn't be a competition or an obligation.

Nobody has to give me presents, a congratulations, happy bday, etc is enough

If I got a note saying why I am not getting more presents from them, it would make me very uncomfortable, as if I had imposed an obligation on them for years or they are indirectly requesting financial assistance.
I would feel guilty you thought our relationship depends on whether you can give me gifts or not (disclaimer: no, it doesnt)

It depends on how the note is written, of course.

I sent notes to all the people I used to buy gifts for telling them that as I had now retired (almost) I would have to watch the pennies, so no more gifts. I, of course, still send cards.

I received several replies saying that it was understandable.

Of course you are right to stop. And that doesn't mean you aren't kind and generous. Stop immediately and cards! Concentrate on your family from now on.x

Nanaplenty
"Just stop doing it. Gifts aren’t always appreciated in this day and age especially by younger people as we are living in a ‘want it now society’ and many - I say many as it’s not everyone of course - get what they want when they want it !"

This is very incorrect. You are making it a problem of "the younger generations" vs the OP's problem.

Stereotyping is not a good idea.

I hate what I call reciprocity! is there such a word
I give because I want to, I hate if when someone feels obligated to return the favour,, so I don`t really understand your question.

perhaps it may be courteous to say that you no longer will be gifting, do we have to give a reason? depends on the relationship..

Just stop. Don't get stressed about it

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

How about sending a much reduced gift this next time and pop a note is saying that you're now on a pension... I'm sure they will understand. Better, I think, than just stopping dead with no explanation which could leave them wondering if they did something wrong. Its the action of giving (love) that counts, not the amount of money spent. Small gifts can include a lovely bar of special soap, a small box of good chocolate etc.

Also there are many men who don't think about presents, at all... hence the classic case of the secretary who buys the gifts for his wife, or the wife who buys for their kids and his mother and the woman longing for her man to bring home some flowers, but he never does...etc.

Bearing a grudge only hurts you... the other person will continue to be who they are.