Washing dishes

Cabbie21

I find it sad when someone wants to share a genuine worry for them, that others say she is lucky to have a husband, and one who is willing to share some chores. Not just on this thread.

We all have our worries, and they are different for different people. Some answers have given useful pointers which may help the OP, not beat her with a stick.

Yes, I agree with you. I once met a lady who was divorced but very bitter and when I mentioned that I had had no sleep as hubby was snoring, she said I was very lucky to have a husband to keep me awake snoring. Still, didn't help the fact that I was tired. I thought about it and thought she was rather self righteous. As you say, different worries for different people.

Thanks for all the views. It could be time to change the system, I.e. see if he would prefer to cook and I will clear away. Compromise will be discussed. I don’t want to argue or fall out or be unreasonable. If necessary I will wash up immediately after eating to show him my preferred wish and see if he accepts this or not. It’s my pet hate which is something going back to childhood and what was expected in my family home, so part of my DNA.

I agree , there are some unnecessary condescending comments . No need .

I can see your point. You would like to sit down for the evening with a tidy kitchen. My husband and I argued for years about this. I got so annoyed about having to do it myself. But I know now it wasn't important. Now he wants them done early and I couldn't care less 😁. We muddle through it in the course of the evening, depending on who feels like doing them.
It's not worth worrying about. However if you can manage to fit a dishwasher in I would do it, never mind what OH thinks.

I’ll rephrase that BlueBelle, not ‘nasty’, but unnecessary.
Yes, Cabbie21, my thoughts exactly.

I find it sad when someone wants to share a genuine worry for them, that others say she is lucky to have a husband, and one who is willing to share some chores. Not just on this thread.

We all have our worries, and they are different for different people. Some answers have given useful pointers which may help the OP, not beat her with a stick.

I haven’t seen nasty comments just honest ones that don’t agree with original poster 😵‍💫

So many nasty comments following a simple question of ‘AIBU’. We have an arrangement where whoever cooks dinner, does the clearing up. I do most of the cooking, as I enjoy it, and we do have a dishwasher. You’re not being unreasonable in my opinion Sheian62, but I’d definitely recommend that you get a dishwasher, much more environmentally friendly than washing-up by hand. 😊

Sukie hit the nail so precisely on the head that I suspect she is the Sukie I went to school with. If so, no surprise we are in total agreement here.

What do you do in the kitchen after dinner? If you are not in there, I cannot see how unwashed dishes can upset you so much.

If you are in there, buy a screen and put it up after dinner so you can't see the washing-up.

As a bit of a control freak I'd find it annoying if the dirty washing up was left sitting around for hours, especially when bluebottles descend and start licking (or whatever it is they do!). I'd have to wash up myself. Mind you, although we use our dishwasher, I enjoy a session with very hot water, Fairy Liquid and Marigolds.

Maybe OP could ask her husband if she has any habits that irritate him? It might give her pause for thought. I just asked my DH that question. Apparently he can't stand it when I walk around the house without slippers, leaving bits of fluff from my socks on the carpets he manfully hoovers.

I have to admit that I hate piles of dirty dishes and that's the joy of having a dishwasher .

I load it through the day and feel satisfied when it goes on at night .

I also have a single sink and need to wash my hands many times a day so it would be unhygienic to have dishes in the sink .
It's nice that your hubby does the dishes !

If it's driving you mad - buy a dishwasher or just ignore his late night dishwashing .

When I did have that appendage known as a husband, his idea of helping with the washing up was:"I'll just leave this to soak", with the result that some revolting, greasy pans were greeted me next morning. So be grateful that you have a human dishwasher. My solution after the appendage slung his hook was to buy a dishwasher. My DS1, who qualified as a chef always washes cooking dishes and utensils as he works. He also has a dishwasher.

Be glad you ve got a husband who helps…. get it in perspective some have husbands who hit them, who run off with other women control them keep them financially dependant never gave a shxx of help

Sheian thank your lucky stars every day that you have a decent bloke willing to help

It is as much his house as yours, he can choose what he does and when he does it.

I prefer to live alone, everything is my choice.

The thing about compromise is nobody is entirely happy.

Our DW has 2 drawers, I fill one at breakfast, lunch, cooking. Then other with tea, dinner, dessert. Run it before we go to bed.

Sheian I hate the look and smell of dirty crockery. I regularly meet friends at a cafe renowned for its lack of organisation in clearing tables - I literally have to turn my back on it. I can't imagine walking into the kitchen where I'd slaved putting a meal together 4 hours previously to find congealed food on plates and pots.
Having said that, when I was a single mum with 2 kids and a demanding job, I'd serve the meal, having put saucepans under water, wipe the sides down, and I'd do the dishes before I went to bed.

kittylester

Buy a dishwasher and fill it as you go along.

I would do this as well. My DH would gladly wash dishes when he wants to.After supper, he likes to disappear with the newspaper or cross word and would come back later.
I fill the dishwasher as the day goes on we recently bought one with a quick hot cycle and I use that. Luckily the previous which did not have a quick cycle broke and could not be mended so I could replace it with one with many more programmes.
later in the evening, he goes to make coffees and inevitably empties the dishwasher, he might leave things out but I pop through and put them all away all done and dusted by about 9 p.m. When we can both relax.

My Dad used to deliberately break crockery and drop things if he was supposed to help so Mum stopped asking him. Sensible man, I wouldn’t have wanted to be in the kitchen with her, either. Funny, he never dropped anything normally.

My DH had his breakfast earlier. He left his plate, cup and the marmalade on the worktop. Hmmm I thought….did you leave the marmalade out by mistake I asked him. No, he said, I thought you might want it…. Hmmm . Still, I can’t complain, he’s in the dining room now painting and decorating while I’m on here in between other chores. Would I give him a hard time over it? No because I’m well aware of how lucky we are to still be together after over 40 years. It’s give and take. In the scheme of things, this is very small fry.

DH makes a HUGE mess whatever he’s doing in the kitchen and has a step method of putting things away - puts it down on the work top and then (sometime in the future!) puts it away. And yes, it drives me mad. BUT I think we’re both being unreasonable OP so I try, and sometimes fail, to suck it up. Try not to be angry, that’s only hurting you.

YABU. You have a husband who happily helps in the home. Frankly you sound like someone just looking for a bone to pick. It's nice that you're so proud of your kitchen. I hope you're as proud of your husband. And it's his kitchen too, by the way.

One of the things I really missed, tbh it hit me hard when I was widowed. The dishes from any meal did not get washed, they just sat there until I did them and put them all away. I would not care at what time he did them, it is good that he thinks about doing them before bed. Mine always did that job

I’d just wash them myself .

You bizarrely chose not to have a dishwasher fitted so you just have to live with the consequences I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

Has this only just started OP, or have you been angry for years?

We have had almost complete 'role reversal' in our home most of our half century plus of married life. DH has gradually taken over the cooking almost entirely (previously we had taken it in turns), after my heart op in 2016. I now only make soup once a week to last a few days. Our current kitchen is in a tiny 'dog leg' off the living room. He makes a spectacular mess cooking delicious meals late each afternoon. There is no room for me to rinse and stack the dishwasher whilst he is in there. Sometimes I feel up to going through right after the meal; sometimes he will stack everything to make it easier for me; but mostly I leave it till he has gone off to get ready for bed. Either way it is acceptable to either of us how and when a task is done in the house. However I know I would be mortified if an unexpected guest arrived mid evening of the sort who wonder through to the kitchen to return a cup or follow me through.......!