Anger and sadness

I think Crimson has given excellent advice as it's so difficult for all but saints to let go of anger etc just like that. It has to be acknowledged in some way & you have to do something with it, like writing it down or doing something positive with it. Otherwise it's so easy to be the one always turning the other cheek while others continue to hit you.
My sister has important family documents, like grandfather's last letter before he died in WW1. I only found out about it via a cousin and sis has made up 101 feeble excuses not to show it to me. I now have the choice between forgetting about it & denying my wish to see it or feeling nervous everytime I broach the subject. She still has th epower to send me into little sister mode. As ever in our relationship, it's a no win situation whatever I choose to do. It's not just about a bit of paper, it's what it represents. I wish big rows which clear the air had been part of our family style rather than avoidance & simmering resentment.

Oh crikey; I would so want to see that letter. You'd think she'd want to go through such things with you as someone who would feel the same emotion about it. Most other people would probably find it interesting in passing but not actually 'feel' what it represented. How strange.

I don't think we 'feel' in the same way - in fact I think I have an too much empathy for my own good & she seems to be lacking in that department. She once told me her divorce was worse than losing a daughter. She says I'm making a fuss over nothing over the letter yet she's created the fuss. Her attitude is probably down to good old sibling rivalry encapuslated in one telling moment one Christmas when my cracker contained a particularly nice present. She immediately reached over & grabbed it saying I'll have that for school (she was a teacher). I was so gobsmacked that I said nothing but got it back without her knowing. She always leaves me gobsmacked and lost for words. Sad isn't it! She has shown the letter to a cousin so I'm sure it's because it's little sis asking.

gadabout anyone who told me that divorce is worse than losing a child would be crossed off my list of people I'd ever speak to again, sister or not.
That's terrible beyond words

Ylil, It's so sad that your sister died without being able to talk things through with her, I think she was probably embarrassed to tell you she had the rings, especially if your mum gave them to her.

My sister is older than me, and I always felt mum loved her more, and this did cause me to resent her a bit - I always felt I wasn't good enough, then we had a massive argument, and said things we both now regret - but it made us see there were 'three sides to the story; - hers, mine and the truth ! Truth being that yes, mum did favour her , as she had always fussed after her and coddled her ( my sister never married or had children ) , but she explained to me how tiring she had found this, and how sometimes she resented mum..... I am very blessed that we are now able to be honest with each other.

Be at peace with yourself, and let go x

gadabout you're a saint, what a totally appalling thing to say. I couldn't have kept my mouth shut about any of the three things you've mentioned. Obviously though you know yourself and recognise that you're reverting to 'little sister' mode. You must be a lovely person, sheesh, I feel angry just reading your posts - to you.

Nanado totally agree

Thanks to all those who have responded. I always felt the black sheep, mum always favoured my sister and her kids, mine never got birthday or Christmas presents after the first few years. As for my sister we had a turbulent relationship, I wish I could have spoken to her about things but at least we put everything behind us when she was dying. I did love her, I do miss her, more than I miss mum.

I tell my kids all the time how much they are loved. I can't imagine treating one different to the other.

ylil can I ask you say live in s outh east are you anywhere near my neck of woods, Frinton on SEa in Essex, near Ipswich and Colchester, i SEEM alone in geography on here!!

there is often some turbelence when a Mum dies, my Mother gave me a gold gate bracelet before she died as she knew what my siser was like.

Dont get me wrong I love her, but she has a grasping nature, she insisted on my Mum`s wedding and engagement ring as she is the eldest!
I did not argue, but said ok I will have the other diamond ring then, which was much more valuable, her face was a study!
So I can feel for you, my sister is 7 years older and still alive, but she will not visit me, we met up in Ireland at family wedding, but she will not come round and she lives only 20 minutes drive away.
I have stopped asking her I have some pride, she texts and occasionaly we speak on phone.
I see her daughter my niece and her 3 little ones couple times a year and that is lovely.
I tried to let it all go as she did the same when our aunt died, took all her jewellery, I have more jewellery than Iwill ever wear thanks to my lovely OH SO she is welcome.
I feel at peace that I did not create a fuss.

It's somehow comforting to know I'm not alone in the relationship I had with my mum and sister.

I'm in W Sussex, quite a way from Essex.

I see yes a fair way!!

No I am sure you are not, I envy these super close families but not sure they are in the majority.

I have tried over years to be closer to my sister, but a) she is jealous of things I do an d holidays we have. She makes unkind remarks belittling what we do and friends we have jealousy I presume.

b) she is so different to me, I like to go out and socialise and dress up use make up etc, she prefers to slob around in trackies and has even stopped colouring her hair.
We are just poles apart, but we do share a history and is good that we are in touch if only by text!!

A lovely person I know has 2 grand-daughters & the eldest was very jealous of her younger sister. She said something to her which struck me as very wise: You don't have to like your sister but she does have the right to be here & be part of the family. I think too often people put too much pressure on siblings to like each other. I also realised with mine that it's silly trying to stop jealousy as it's inevitable in small kids ousted from their position by another one. It's better to help them deal with it - not just once but repeatedly as they grow up. All easier said than done but we can see above the awful long term results of sibling rivalry - and a study of history shows how many wars resulted from it too!