christmas with 2 sets of grandparents what is fair

Why is it always down there for me. when for everyone else it's up there .

You've all got the thread the wrong way up.

You see, yet again the pressure that Christmas has to be "perfect"! It is just one day of a year.

Very few things in life are "perfect" , life is often about compromise. Accept it and get over it.

My DS1 and DIL live only about 15 miles away, we will arrange to go to see them at some point over Christmas. To be really frank, much as I love my grandchildren, our house isn't really geared up for small children, therefore I am more than happy to go to theirs to visit, rather than them coming here. At their house they have their toys, can go down for a nap if the need arises etc etc.

Much less stress all round.

And they have to do the cooking.

Yes! [wistful emoticon]

Not quite, my DIL has never cooked for me! Last year we trundled over to theirs the day after Boxing Day with a large pan of bolognaise sauce held firmly between my feet!

Mr P and I have Christmas with just the 2 of us, which we really enjoy. Food gets placed on the table at non specified times, wine is drunk, some television watched, and that's it.

Although I have just remembered that our very first Christmas together, I ended up inviting an older work colleague, who was facing his first Christmas alone after his wife left him. He appreciated it and was a charming guest.

Strikes me that many seem to just enjoy their own company .

Don"t seem to feel the need to have big get togethers., as in days gone by

I don't see how you work that out, Nonu

What u mean ????:Lost me !!!!!!!!

ANA

No need to shout - I thought this thread was about grandparents sharing time with their grandchildren at Christmas and didn't see how your post related, that's all, Nonu.

As long as I see my grandchildren at some point over the holiday I don't worry about when or where, I'm happy they have a great Christmas day wherever they spend it.. I also thought it was important that my own children and grandchildren started their own traditions for Christmas that weren't necessarily the same as mine.. my grandchildren are now mostly adults and one is married so he'll be another generation starting his own tradition and if that means he and his new wife spending the day at home together then so be it... we'll see them at some point to enjoy time together.. or text or speak on the phone.

annieg (and anybody else this fits ) do you remember either your children moaning about "fair and unfair" , or maybe you did yourself in your youth? What goes around comes around it seems!! I strongly advise against succumbing to the "she's got more than me" way of thinking - that way lies if not madness, at leat great unhappiness. Do alternate Christmases if you like, alternate days (Christmas Day/Boxing Day) maybe one year your DD will do what ours is doing this year and having both pairs of GPs for Christmas Day or you could show generosity of spirit and the whole extended family to yours on Boxing Day, but do not, on any account, start being comopetitive about the time each of you will be spending with the baby - who will probably sleep through the whole caboodle.
Oh, the emotional baggage of Christmas

should have read "invite the whole extended family to yours" - sorry!

Be thankful that you get to see your GC annieg, and enjoy the time with them. I only spend alternate Christmas days with my GC, both of my GC's first Christmas were spent with the other set. I don' fret over the situation, I get to see them all the rest of the year.

I think it is a proven fact that Christmas causes more division in families than any other calendar event.

The baby's second Christmas will be lots more fun, babies just sleep a lot. The other alternative is if your daughter is an only child, try having it together with her in laws, invite them for next Christmas for lunch. Otherwise you really have to just take it in turns, you still get to see your grandchild each Christmas. I am very lucky if I get to see all of my grandchildren together on Christmas Day because we all live so far apart.

phoenix That was a very impressive achievement – trundling with a pot of bolognese sauce held between your feet.

My feeling is that you should make the most of what you have. I spent Christmas 2005 with my daughter her husband and her two children, then aged two and three. In the afternoon of Christmas Day we all went to the in-laws, which was delightful. I didn't feel put out that the in-laws still got to see the children at Christmas even though I had travelled half way round the world to be with them. The more love in the family, the better. Since then, three more grandchildren have been born but I haven't seen them at Christmas and won't this year – but look out for absentgranna and her famous pudding at Christmas 2013.

Oh dear annieg I remember when my children were small feeling forced pressured to spend the entire day at my parents house. I used to feel emotionally blackmailed (and still do to some extent if I am honest).

My son, his partner and their 3 children spend every Christmas in their own home. Visitors are encouraged in the morning but then they are left in peace to enjoy their family Christmas in their own home, something I would have loved when mine were small but never quite had the courage to insist upon.

DD1 and partner just tell everyone they want to spend xmas at their own house with their child and no-one else. They like quiet and a complete lack of 'hecticity' and over-excitement. So do I so it doesn't bother me at all. I'll see them some other time.

They see the other grandparents very regularly (every other week or so, I think, but I don't really know, nor do I care; it's none of my business), and they see me two or three times a year because of travelling distances and work commitments on both sides. That's just how it is.

I don't mind it at all. I think that's because it's what I always expected would be the case. They are the third generation of very mobile young adults: my parents didn't live near theirs, my siblings and I never lived near our parents; I never expected my kids to live near me once they left home.

I think all the dashing about at christmas trying to see everyone – travelling in bad weather and short daylight hours – is a bit mad really. I'm really glad my family is calm about it all and that there are no jealousies.

annieg when DH and I had our children Christmas day used to be the usual fight between the Grandparents each wanting us to spend the day with them, in the end I put my foot down and said that was it Christmas is for Children and they should have Christmas Day in their own home with all their new toys, I remember only too well being dragged away and having to choose what I was allowed to carry to the Grandparents. I did invite both sets of Grandparents to share the day with us... but dont force your DD to have to make a stand its only one day enjoy the time you have with your GC.

Why is it that Christmas puts all kinds of pressure on us to have everything perfect, life is very rarely perfect.

Quite right, Bags. We don't have an automatic right to our children's time or company and if they have a good relationship with their in-laws we should be happy for them.
I was thrilled when my daughter married and her new in-laws took her and her four children to their hearts. They bought the house next door and my grandchildren would pop round all the time. I was living abroad, so I was just glad that the children had another set of people to love them. I didn't think they loved me any less - love is not a finite commodity.
Regrettably, my other daughter tried to drive a wedge between her daughter and the other grandparents, because she was jealous of them. It didn't work, because they are very nice people, but it was distressing for my grand-daughter.
I don't often quote religious texts, but I do like the one that begins 'Love is.....'

I so agree that children should be allowed to spend Christmas Day at home playing with their new toys. I feel it would be unfair to expect my DGSs to spend probably an hour and a half of the day in the car travelling to ours. Xmas Day is too special for that.

How right you are Glass I would truly love nothing more than a lovely day doing everything at my own pace.... but the reality is that Christmas day is so hectic. Up early (why?) go over to sons house to see grandchildren (lovely) then dash home to finish seeing to lunch (that has to be eaten at a certain time to suit) frantic dash picking up mam and dad, grandma, sister etc.................

Two Christmas's ago I was rushed into hospital in the early hours of Christmas morning after being found unconscious in the bathroom. Blimey that didn't half cause havoc in our family. Looking back , if I had of been aware at the time, I would have had a real good giggle thinking of everyone eating egg and chips for Christmas dinner as all the food is always at mine !

They are always very eager to get here on Boxing Day, because they know that FC is always well laden when he makes a special drop-off here for them.

gillybob egg and chips made me shame you had to be ill to rattle the routine though