Newborn grandson eats eats eats

Hi, I have a 2 1/2 year old and the first 6 weeks were a brain fog to me. I was exhausted.
Babies don't always read the memo about newborns sleeping a lot! my little one slept on average 8 hours in 24, went through stages of cluster feeding and this made breast feeding excrutiatingly painful until things settled down.

I was overseas with no family close by, luckily with a very supportive partner.

The key things for me that got me through it:
My partner helping to settle the baby and get her to sleep after the evening feed, so I at least got some rest before the next one. Echo what a gran said about expressing and getting dad to cover one night feed if its possible.
Someone gently offering to watch baby so I could at least have a quick shower.
A gentle reminder that looking after myself was looking after baby, so drinking plenty of water, eating well etc
Friends turning up with food that could just be put in the oven, not needing to worry about cooking is one of the best gifts a new mum can have.
Just general re-assurance that a. you are not alone and b. It is the same for all parents and you aren't a terrible mother.
I think the internet has much to answer for, with "perfect parents" everywhere, that we just give ourselves too much of a hard time.
Just be there for her and make sure she knows shes doing a great job.

When my daughter had her son. I left her to look after the babies needs and I did the practical things, like doing the washing and ironing, made sure she had food available and occasionally volunteered to sleep with him during the night ( I used her expressed milk). She accepted this for a couple of nights and couldn't believe how refreshed she felt.
I was fortunate with my babies that they liked sleeping, so never had this problem and I can get by on 4 hours per night.

My grandson did cluster feeding at about 2 weeks and the midwife said it was perfectly normal. It happens at regular intervals until they are about a year old. From memory it was at 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and six months, but of course every baby is different. My poor DIL was almost chair bound with the constant feeding and then DGS falling asleep for 20 minutes before starting again ! So I set her up a tray on a little table next to where she sat to feed. It had a book, mobile phone, water bottle, some fruit, tissues, nice hand cream and a few other bits and pieces. I stayed for a few weeks to help (I'm lucky in that we get on really well) and as I went passed her doing the chores I used to pop a piece of chocolate in her mouth to keep her going !!
We laugh about it now, but I do think it helped her feel that she was cared for and supported. Little things can go a long way for new Mums, they need all the support they can get - I know I did!!

Has the midwife/GP checked for tongue tie? This makes sucking difficult and the baby is never satisfied, so carries on asking for more. A friend's baby had this undiagnosed problem and became a normal, contented feeder after it was solved.

Thanks - I'm giving practical support by way of meals and cleaning when I see them twice a week or so. I also listen a lot, praise and never criticise.

My daughter was in the same situation in January following a traumatic birth experience, she is very independent, I always have to watch my p's and q's. I simply said to her, if at anytime at all you want me to take baby out for an hour, to sit with baby while you get some sleep, to do washing, housework, anything at all, just say. She did ask and I happily helped her out, baby is now 12 weeks, a very happy little soul, unusually now content and sleeping 8 - 10 hours a night, but still with a voracious appetite!

That sounds like bliss for her and for you! I can't stay over unfortunately but I will keep popping in with meals and chocolate treats!

Good point. She has had this checked and also been to a local BF clinic by chance at her local GPS. This helped her to improve the latch on the left side.

My son was 9lb 5oz when he was born all those years ago. I was constantly feeding him, and he was constantly hungry. I was exhausted as he was not sleeping either. The lady that came to weigh him etc said to persevere, which I did but I found I was feeding all the time and he just screamed for more...which was crippling, so I do feel for your daughter. In desperation I knocked on the door of the girl, who lived nearby and had an adopted son who was the same age, and asked her for some advice. She gave me a tin of condensed milk and said 'Try that', so I did. Heaven! My little boy loved it and thrived on it. No more screaming, no more constant breast feeding for me. Coincidentally my niece had the same problem with twins, this was about 10 years ago. One was thriving, one went below his birth rate. The social services woman just said 'keep persevering'. Her Mother knew what I had gone through and as a last resort went out and bought some baby milk powder. The little twin loved it, thrived on it and started to put on weight. If Mother had not stepped in it was clear that this twin was wasting away so who knows what might have happened. I do not know what weight your GS was at birth, but your daughter seems to be going through what I and my niece went through. Try bottle feeding and see what happens, even if you just substitute one or two meals, just to see if the baby responds. At least it is worth a try.

I think these trendy writers of books have a lot to answer for, and these modern Mums rely heavily on them. Surely the advice of their own Mother is worth more?

Unusually sleeping 8 - 10 hours a night at 12 weeks, not usually content!

Dream feeds seem to be the in thing now which I had not heard of until my DD last baby a voracious eater.

CFS is horrible I have it wipes me out and certainly did when the kids were small.

If you could do some sleep ins that would help I am sure, and she could express milk for that, it will pass, and at least she was prepared for it.. all mums get fatigued with new babies so she understood what was coming and perhaps has her own strategies in place.

This response warms my heart! My GS was 9lb 4 oz at birth and has put on 3lbs in ten days. She has taken in a lot of advice, uses a BF app etc. However, she trusts me and her grandma so I hope common sense and instinct will prevail!

Thanks for this lovely response!

Jalima I just read your post about 'do not be bullied in to thinking the only way is breast feeding'! Exactly my thoughts too. I know breast is best, and if you can do it and cope with it fine. Whatever it takes. However, when a Mum is struggling as this Mum is I think it is wrong to make her feel that she has to struggle on regardless. Why not combine the two? That way the baby gets Mum's antibodies etc etc and also gets enough nourishment to help it to grow and sleep better. I agree with you entirely. Mums should not be made to feel guilty if it is not working.

I had three boys. All of them are now strapping young men, as are two of their children who were not breast fed, but they are as fit as those who were. Great if you can do it, but do not feel guilty or allow someone to bully you in to not bottle feeding.

CFS is the worst kind of tiredness and her hormones are all over the place as well! Lots of good advice on here and it looks as if you're being supportive but not pushy. Keep doing as many little things as possible as unobtrusively as possible! Very good luck to all of you, it WILL pass.

Sounds like you're doing what you can, Louise and that's great! If you could sometimes stay a bit while dd gets some sleep, that would be good, too.

Where is the dad in all this? Hopefully, he does some things like change baby, so that dd mostly has to bf and little else.

Dd was very brave to choose breastfeeding when she has CFS. As far as I know breastfeeders eat more in the beginning than bottle feeders.

But this phase will pass. Soon enough baby will eat less often and sleep more.

Congratulations to her and you on this new addition to the family!

Yes you can hire a breast pump- from Boots I think.
My 10lb 8oz baby was just like this & they insisted that he have one feed from me & a bottle the next one. Top up feeding they called it. I wasn't happy but so tired I gave in. Mind you this was in the days when you were in hospital for 10 days so you came out with a routine & rested. He was on 6oz every feed before he came out of hospital- I did express so Dad could give feeds too.
Her health visitor or whatever they call it these days has seen it all before & SHOULD be a wealth of knowledge & help. If not maybe NCT website can help.
Just give her lots of help in the home & lots of hugs. My Mum was the other side of the country.

Hopefully, it will ease your worry to know that CFS may get better with breastfeeding, according to this article (GN, I hope it's ok to link this):

www.mecfsparents.org.uk/breastorbottle.html

In fact, dd might want to join the site this article is on since it's for parents with cfs, etc.

With first babies the milk is not always the best. I was told this 40 years ago and both my daughters were told this with their first babies. They both 'topped up' their babies with a bottle. This really helped and did not interfere with the breast feeding. Worth a try

PLEASE do not suggest condensed milk for your GC. Babies can't digest cow's milk as completely or easily as breast milk or formula. Cow's milk contains high concentrations of protein and minerals, which can tax the baby's immature kidneys. Also cow's milk doesn't have the right amounts of iron, vitamin C, and other nutrients for infants.
It sounds like your DD is doing really well with her new baby and is as exhausted as all new mums, but with the added problem of CFS. It also sounds like you are doing a brilliant job with supporting her and helping out.
The midwife has probably signed her off now that she is over 10 days post delivery, but she can always ring their clinic and ask for advice. Or ask the health visitor.
She is completely normal; how she is feeling is completely normal; but CFS is not helping her.
I send my love and best wishes to you both.

We hardly saw DIL for the first two or three weeks following the birth of both Dgs. She was ensconced in her bedroom with babe, book, iPad and copious quantities of fluid being brought to her as she established BF. Both boys were almost 9lbs and she had c section both times. She fed as they required, and slept/rested when they did. She also found a local bf group .... commonly known as boob group....where there was lots of support given and received. It's not easy to watch them being so tired but they will get through this period and return to what passes for normal with small children!! Just let her know that you're there if needed.

I will never forget how good and helpful my mother-in-law was when my first daughter was born. It was a difficult birth (24 hours, forceps, several pints of blood lost), and I was completely out of it. My MIL was an absolute saint - good thing she was, because my own mother was b*** useless, couldn’t, or wouldn’t, even make me a cup of coffee. Mother in law not only looked after the baby to allow me to sleep and recover (I was breastfeeding so I really needed this rest), she also cooked me steak dinners etc. to build up my blood count. Even though her son and I have since acrimoniously gone our separate ways and I rarely if ever see her, I have never forgotten what MIL did, and still have a soft spot for her. That’s what grandmothers are for, or one of the things anyway.

How things have changed! When my son was born I started bleeding at the nipple immediately and was told I couldn't breast feed and would have to put him on the bottle. By the time I left hospital at 10 days he was still screaming for food constantly despite having an 8 oz bottle at every feed, when the midwife visited me at home she said double up the bottle (almost a pint at every feed!) and if that doesn't work give him baby rice. By day 12 he was on baby rice and at 3 weeks he slept through the night,and continued to do so. He was never a difficult eater and ate everything I put in front of him, by the time he was 6 months old he weighed 26lb without an extra ounce of fat on him. He is still a good eater, extremely fit and healthy and still no excess fat at the age of 45. I think every mum should follow her own instincts and keep away from the 'advice' books after all who knows our babies better than we do.

I'd be very wary of suggesting formula feeding. Many new mums see this as offensive when they are trying so hard to Bf.
Unless she is living under a rock she will know formula exists and she can make that decision herself.

Cleverblonde You are so correct about the internet advice. My DIL had our DGD feeding on one side whilst she used her bab app with her free hand to try to predict what she should be doing, etc. It was so stressful, but DIL found it reassuring when DGD was doing what the app said, but overwhelmingly distraught when things didn't click. This is her first and once she felt she got the hang of looking after the baby, life got easier as her confidence grew.

Louisa, you have a daughter who has some serious health issues as well. Being dragged down and tired surely is affecting her outlook and confidence. Pumping and letting others feed the baby will give her a break to get some much needed rest.