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Grand kids moved.

(29 Posts)
GrammaDebi Mon 26-Jun-17 02:22:58

I'm new, as of today. My son and his wife divorced during this last year and yesterday my ex Dil and the 2 children, (boy-biologically my sons and named after my late husband, age 7 and girl not biologically my sons, but he has always adored and treated her as his own, as do I, age 10) moved 5 hours away. My heart is broken, there are complexities as well, but I know I won't be seeing the kids often at all. I regularly cared for the kids at their home and at my own, often for overnights and have for years. They have there own dressers here, etc. toy areas, tree house, swings, pool etc and everywhere I turn in my home are reminders of them, which is VERY hard for me right now. I have been in high anxiety and utterly distraught since the actual departure yesterday and I'd like to know how others may have gotten through this heartbreaking sadness. Thank you.

Candelle Tue 27-Jun-17 11:35:38

Although not in this situation, I love the idea from newnanny suggesting that you arrange to have the children stay with you at least once a year (or take over in their house and give your DiL a break!). That is something for you all to look forward to and cherish.

You can build up a relationship or keep it going with regular Skype. As long as you are in their lives and interested in their exploits/school/activities etc., you will always have something to converse about and still be part of their family.

I can understand how much sadness you feel at the moment, especially as at each turn of your house you find a reminder of them but as with everything, this will lessen. I would try to initiate a regular Skype slot at a time convenient to them and build on that,

Failing that, would you be in a position to move closer to them or do you have other grandchildren elsewhere?

SandraK Tue 27-Jun-17 14:10:23

Dear GrammaDebi, don't be too sad. At least they are in the same country and still in contact with you. My family only live 45 minutes away and I still only see them every 3 or 4 weeks because they are so busy. Families are so often divided these days and Campbellwise was so right in what she said above. Just keep up as much contact as you can. Your grandchildren love you and have a great relationship with you, so they will want to continue seeing you. Just skype and phone regularly and use FaceTime on the mobile phone so you can see each other when you talk. It will hurt for a while, but it will get better. I used to babysit my grandson a lot. When he went to school that stopped and I used to just see him at weekends. Now, aged 7, he has activities almost every day after school and birthday parties at weekends. My contact is only sometimes a phone call once a week. It hurt a lot at first, but you get used to it and it is a natural progression as they grow up. Just keep on really good terms with your ex DiL and never comment on the past. Most important, never criticise or give an opinion unless asked!!! Visit as often as you can and offer to have them stay in holidays and half-terms for a while. Good luck and stay positive .... it could be a lot worse!

Hicks123 Tue 04-Jul-17 21:21:14

I realise it's not quite the same situation, but I moved 200 miles away from my grandparents at the age of 7. I was lucky enough to visit them in school holidays and I always felt close to them, despite the distance. It was like having a holiday home and they would take me on trips out and we would play in the garden. I would speak to them weekly on the phone and my Nan would write to me, which I loved. So although it might feel a long way away, like others have said, there are ways for you to stay close to them, especially with Skype and email, so think of how you can do this - I'm sure they will appreciate it and they will continue to love you as they do now.