Miserable friend

I am honest and straightforward. I always try to say things as they are, but in as a nice way as possible. I would take the grumpy bugger to one side and ask him what the hell is going on and does he realise he's spoiling your holiday as well as his own? I'd also point out that unless he can accept that his impact is having such a negative impact on everyone, then no more holidays or stays at each others houses is likely.

Abuelana
It was the 'quite nice shoes' that was the killer blow! I love her too

thank you ladies...
if he starts this holiday I will definitely address the situation.
i just love the 13 year old who put grumpy down x

Abuelana, I have every sympathy for you. Ditto for anyone else who has problems with moody friends and family.

My twin would often get in a mood and make our time together with her and her husband very miserable. In the end we refused to go on holiday with them.

If I wanted to see my sister, I ended up having to visit her and her husband on her own because my husband would no longer put up with my sister's nonsense.

Once she asked why my husband didn't come with me and I had to tell her straight. She was apologetic of course but there was no change in her moods. Some visits were fine, others were really awkward. RIP sister.

I understand how you feel spending money on your holiday and I feel for the husband's wife because my ex was the same. He, when I look back now tried to split up my friendships with the heavy atmosphere he caused. It was incredible how he could do it in a room.

@Nanasam definitely a genuine post ?

The wife is lovely and a dear friend. We will NOT be going on holiday again with them... They are coming to us to see our new grandchild.
Each and everyone of you has a valid answer and I’m asking myself why do we tolerate his behaviour. The wife just says it’s him and nothing we can do about it. Will be saying something this time if he does go into a sulk. Life’s too short for sure. Thank you ladies

Hello, OP.....??????
Is this a genuine post or are Da Management thinking up new threads on a quiet day?

Is he what you consider normally sociable at other times? Can he be jollied out of it?
Maybe he feels he's not appreciated in some way? What would happen if you gave him a few nice flowers or bought him a drink when he is in a bad mood?

I would be cancelling their stay with you!

Has he always tended to behave like this?

Reading your post, I got the impression that you have been on more than one holiday with them and that these moods have occurred more than once.

If I am right in this assumption and you have never asked either him or his wife what is wrong, I think it would be quite difficult to broach the subject now.

You could try asking if you had offended him in some way, I suppose.

I would certainly not go on holiday with this couple again.

Asking his wife for visits alone makes for a very difficult situation IMO, as telling anyone that you would rather not see their spouse is almost bound to be hurtful and she may well feel she ought to say no to an invitation that excludes her husband.

If you value her friendship and want to continue to see her, I think you are going to have to be honest with her. Say as kindly as possible that you find her husband's moodiness difficult to cope with and ask her how you should tackle it.

You will be running the risk of ending the friendship whether you try to discuss this honestly with her.

Are you coming back to this conversation op?

I know a couple that go away with friends. The husband is difficult, loves an argument. Why oh why would you want to go on holiday with a moody person? Holidays are supposed to be relaxing! They’ve asked us to go away several times with them. Never in a million years

This is passive-aggressive behaviour and his wife really needs to sort this out with him if she wants to holiday with you again. He's clearly been allowed to behave in this childish way instead of communicating whatever is the matter. I think you really need to have a word with her ... she clearly knows he behaves in this way so it won't be a surprise to hear it makes you uncomfortable. All the best though

My FIL is like this. My MIL and husband struggled for years with his moods. A while back he went into the usual funk so I said to everyone I really want to go for a walk ( I’m the guest I can choose) , you FIL probably want to stay here and think some more so we’ll see you later. He knew what I was up to which was ‘ you throw a moody on me and I will power everyone out the door and you can be mizzy on your own!’ He put a big smile on his face , put his coat on , and pulled up his socks, and we had a great time. Other times I give him my ‘ aren’t you a bit old for this behaviour’ look. I am the most affectionate to him but most strict and he loves it! We’re actually quite close now but I do have to tell him off occasionally. He likes being parented. My MIL & DH are learning fast! Having said that I have an uncle and my tactics don’t work on him at all ! He just throws a tantrum and sulks for days. I always make sure I don’t stay and can leave.

My late DH had a tendency to behave like this, as his wife I would take him aside when I could see it coming and explain the likely consequences. It never became a real issue. Perhaps the OP's friend isn't able to influence her husband ? Or maybe she doesn't see why she should ! I did it to ensure a happy holiday for all of us, DH included.

Abuelana, any feedback please?

Oh lovely ! Nothing inflames me more than a moody person. I've got no tact whatsoever in situations like this so I'd be out with it and ask who'd knitted their face and dropped a stitch ?
I'd soon break their silence !

If this man were depressed or suffering with some form of bipolar disorder, the periods of withdrawal would be longer. He is clearly just a selfish person who knows perfectly well what he is doing. I would do two things: firstly, speak with your friend and find out whether these three-day silences only occur when they are in your company. If they do then there's nothing for it but to stop going away with them and inviting them to spend time with you because you are the trigger for his behaviour. Secondly, if this behaviour is only with you, I would speak directly with him and ask what it is that makes him feel he wants to withdraw because you may be able to get around it. If on the other hand, he is like this with all the friends they have then he's just a self-centred person and he's not going to change until his wife tells him she's had enough. Either way, I don't think you should dampen your holiday and social atmosphere by having him around. By doing that you are colluding with him, allowing him to continue, giving in to his selfish ways.

Have you ever had confrontation with this friend as some cannot let sleeping dogs lie.? Not saying this is the issue but the only way you can get to the root is to be with this person on their own, explain your feelings and why does he choose to act like this as it is not fair to his wife ,yourself and others in his presence. Another reason for his actions could be mental. This would be a delicate one to get round and the first step would need you having a one to one with his wife.Until this situation is addressed you either carry on as before or, much as it may cause upset, cease friendship.

We have only gone on holiday with good friends once & never again.
We discovered that he sulked if everyone did not do what HE wanted to do. She was her usual lovely self & we felt so sorry for her as it must have been embarrassing.
I still have a photo of the 3 of us laughing by the pool while he is sitting a few feet away with his sunbed turned away from us.
Very odd.
At home he is a really nice person.

"I don’t want to upset my friend his wife."
But you're OK with her imposing a person on you that upsets you? Why it the potential of upsetting her more important than the actual upset he causes?

I'd talk to his wife (and frankly I'm surprised you haven't already done so) about why he does this. She might be so inured to it she hasn't realised what she's asking you to put up with.

And if he goes into a not-talking mood when he is a guest in your home and should be behaving accordingly? Look him in the eye and tell him to leave. Point out how rude he is being and how uncomfortable he is making his hosts, and that whilst you put up with it on holiday for the sake of your friend his long-suffering wife, you will not put up with this imposed unpleasantness in your home.

The more you put up with his shitty behaviour, the more entitled he feels to behave that way. Pull him up on it! And stop worrying about upsetting your friend, she's not worried about upsetting you.

DuchessGloria. MS? I wasn't aware that Multiple Sclerosis symptoms included stroppy sulks and bad manners.

I think you should definitely break the cycle of going on holiday together with this couple. I wonder why you have invited them to stay with you for a week? That is a long time to have someone miserable in your house, where there is no escape. At least when you are away you could opt to spend days separately, or have a meal out without them.
If the two ladies are good friends, then why not stick to ladies only get togethers. Ask his wife whether there is a problem. She may be relieved to be able to offload.
I have just come back from the hairdresser feeling fairly upbeat, to find that DH is miserable because he had to see a student before he saw his GP. Also he has managed to agree a date with a tradesman forgetting that we are going to be away just then. Nothing is right, he is a grumpy old man. Often he is in pain and it is hard to be upbeat when you are in pain, but often being grumpy is just the way he is.
When we are with other people for a short time he is lovely, polite, friendly, but if he had to keep it up for very long he would revert to type. Maybe your friend’s husband is like this, and she needs your sympathy.

Can’t understand why on earth he ever leaves home. If she’s a good friend can’t you find out what the problem is.
If my husband were like that I wouldn’t inflict him on anyone else. In fact if he’s like that all the time at home I’d go away on my own - often.