Grandma or not

I had four grannies and grandads and the only one I was wary of was the one who was a bit possessive and wanted to be the the most important, special granny.

I did sense this even as a small child and couldn’t talk to her naturally about things I enjoyed with the other grandparents. As I got older I resented having to filter what I told her and almost apologise for loving other grandparents. In the end she was the one I had least contact with - it was too much of a strain. She wasn’t nasty, just perpetually ‘hurt’.

The grandparents who lived abroad, who I didn’t see until I left school, I adored because they were so positive and rejoiced in everything I did, even though they had no physical part in it. Only now do I appreciate just how loving and emotionally generous they were.

Be careful OP. If you try to be the one and only and make your feelings clear to those around you, it may backfire on you.

I think the choice must come from the child's parents but I would suggest that, with some many broken marriages, many children are born with more than 2 sets of "grandparents". There are many variations of nana and grandad - my children were raised in France so my gc call me mamie and my husband, who is not their blood grandad, papie. I think how blessed these gcs are, loved by so many people, blood relatives or not.

My father remarried several years after my mum died and after I had married. I had my first son a month after the wedding. My both my son's only ever knew her and I chose that they called her Nanny, I am not aware that my husbands mother ever minded. However I always called her by her Christian name and as I said it was my choice, had she decided to call herself Nanny without asking I would have viewed it differently.

It seems as if the adult understandable suspicion of this woman’s motives is spreading to the children. I can understand the upset but think probably best to simply ignore how she signs herself in cards. It will be harder for your son in law and his siblings to manage what their children actually call her when face to face. Try not to be hurt by the signature, your relationship is unique and new person truly will make no difference to your relationship with your granddaughter.

Wouldn’t worry about what she calls herself. Nanna, Grandma,Grannies are just “names” to young children. They could be saying Mary, Harry etc. The sentiment is not there. Older children will decide for themselves what to call a “newbie”.

It’s not for you to be worried about this relationship but I hope “Dad” has got his wits about him! It may all be hearsay of course but just in case... think son should have a wee chat with him? Might not be well received though? Tough one.

You are right to be concerned for the wrong reasons.

This is not a grandma competition.
This is about a stranger with a dubious reputation asserting her status way too soon
You, as a good grandma with a good track record, have nothing to worry about. She is no competition to you. She is not here to replace you or give her some of your time

What do the parents of the child think? Only because she calls herself nanna means nothing.
Fil obviously likes her and doesnt mind she behaves like a 16 year old.

Let's not forget that fil is the main character in this episode - he is dating an adult teenager, with bad reputation and he is allowing her to call herself nanna.
Men don't think with their upper brains many times. They use their lower brain.

Men don't get a pass for their companion' s actions and she becomes the guilty one. I hate it.

Don't worry about it. She's probably bizarre in every sense. Her behaviour won't be that of a true grandma. She will never be your GC's gran! Her actions will speak louder than the word "grandma".

Agree with Naty

grandchildren are not a possession ! I have 4 step-grandchildren they call me by my first name but I am their step gran ,I TREAT THEM AS IF THEY WERE MY BLOOD and have a better relationship with them than their actual grandmother This woman has overstepped the mark though

I have two GC by my adopted daughter, and one GD by my DD through an egg donor. My first ‘blood relation’ GS is due shortly. I don’t look on any of them other than as my dear grandchildren, and the new one will receive no different treatment than the other three.
It’s sad when children resent their parents moving on into a new relationship ( though if they appear to be ‘gold-diggers it’s understandable) My widowed friend’s sons were very suspicious of her new friend. Once they had got to know him, though, they were happy because she was happy again.
By pushing in and imposing herself as the New Nanna this woman could be shooting herself in the foot. If she is as unsuitable as the family think I hope that Grandpa will see sense before too long. There is nothing that you can do except grin and bear it. I’m confident that it won’t affect your own relationship with your GC.

Newatthis

I think it might be different if she was the step-gran but they are not married or even living together as she has only been on the scene a few weeks. She also sent cards to the other grandchildren (on SIL's side) who are mainly all teenagers, young adults and they have been very upset by it as they can remember their 'real' grandma.

Well they, or Sil need to tell her.