What would you do?

Could DH write to him ?
Explaining that he finds phone calls difficult (my DH is the same) appologise for upsetting him although I'm sure there is nothing for your DH to be sorry for. In fact BiL breaking down could be a good thing and the fact DH was being kind just "opened the gates" make the letter fairly up beat and chatty. Maybe you could invite the brother to visit or stay a day or two.

I think he should phone again but keep it brief and if possible for a specific reason eg to arrange to meet up. The longer her puts it off the harder it will be to reopen communication.

I agree he should ring him and just be chatty or as suggested arrange a meet up, his brother is probably struggling as am I having just going through the same scenario. A sympathetic call is enough to set me off but I feel better when I’ve cried to be honest so it’s not necessarily a bad thing that he wept. Please keep the communication going it might be his only contact with family.

Of course your Dh should ring and ask his Db how he is coping.
You don't just stop ringing a bereaved person because they broke down while you were speaking to them.
How cruel would that be!

Of course he must ring back. His brother was feeling broken .
Buffybee is absolutely right. He should not just be ‘chatty’ bereaved people don’t need to be cheered up. They just need someone to be there and show they care. Men are very bad at this. If your DH can’t step up perhaps you can?
When my SiL died, that was when I first built a bond with my BiL.

Sometimes tears can just start out of nowhere.
It doesn't mean that the person you're talking to has upset you.
It means that your grieving the loss of your loved one.

Many men cannot cope with their own or with others emotions, but yes, I hope he maintains the contact. To know that someone is on the end of the phone and thinking of you must surely help with the feelings that go with loss and bereavement.

Keep phoning and maybe you could speak sometimes if you husband can’t. Contact at this time is very important.

Why don't you phone? I realise the widower is your husband's brother, but presumably you are on good terms with him, and many men feel awkward discussing feelings or showing emotion with other men, but find it easier when talking to a woman.

You can truthfully say you are worrying that your husband upset his brother. If you weren't worried you would not have posted this thread.

Do it sooner rather than later; the longer you put it off the harder it becomes, and do invite your brother-in-law for a visit, or tell him he will be welcome whenever he wants to come.

It isn't easy for either of them but people need to be able to show their upset and I think your husband should make contact again even though it is difficult

Your brother in law was not crying because anything your husband did upset him. He was crying because his wife had died. No matter how a bereaved person is feeling, or how they react, they are generally glad that someone has bothered.
I would say phone. The fact that he cried could be the opener to the call. " You were terribly upset the other day. I have been concerned about you. How are you doing today? Anything I can do?".
Good luck.

I agree with everyone else, your husband should keep the contact going, as Bikerhiker said your brother in law was crying because his wife died, he will feel comforted if there is someone he can share his feelings with.

Do ring back. I don’t know what I would have done without friends who call. Sometimes that is the only conversation I have in a day. Yes you try not to be upset and tearful on the phone but sometimes it just happens. No one has upset you, you are just upset.

Why don’t you ring from time to time? You will have known your SIL as one of the family and he may welcome a woman’s voice.
Of course your DH didn’t upset his brother by phoning him, he has just lost his life partner. Much more upsetting to feel ignored by even your own family.
So many people are bad at relationships, often with the best motives, but not speaking to someone recently bereaved “in case of upsetting them” is entirely the wrong way to behave.

I'd phone him myself as I find it quite easy to talk to people. He needs human contact and interaction and it really doesn't matter who with, he just needs someone to listen and so what if he starts crying, we all do it and he has reason to be upset. The problem is when you lose someone people just avoid you for fear of upsetting you and end up upsetting you because they ignore you. Just bite the bullet and put yourself in his shoes.

Please ring your poor BiL soon. Although he put the phone down on H's last call, you need to make the first move. He might even find it easier to speak with you. Check your husband didn't unintentionally say anything upsetting (a happy release etc) if he did apologise, but don't make any excuses. Try to keep in regular contact, it might seem like hard work, but surely a kindly act to your BiL.

I really hope that your DH doesn't stop phoning his brother. No doubt the brother is now embarrassed ( as a lot of men are with emotion). If your DH just explains that he just didn't know what to say to him to help him. A lot of men are horrendous when it comes to grieving - the old stiff upper lip still reigns!
If your BiL breaks down again, all your DH needs to do, is just hang on the line or even hand the phone over to you !

I would just like to ask advice I have a very good friend who a few weeks ago lost het husband, my small dilemma is I always send her a Christmas card but this year not sure don't feel right giving het a Christmas card with merry Christmas , but also don't feel right about not acknowledging it completely. Any advice please.

NannyG123 I have recently lost my husband and this morning received a card from an old friend it just had a seasonal picture on the front and was blank inside apart from a heartfelt written message from her inside. It was a nice gesture and appreciated by me that she had thought it through first just as you are doing. Do send her something as I’m sure she’ll appreciate the thought.

Can I just ask this, if you were the bereaved and was talking on the phone and broke down and put the phone down what would you do next regarding that cut short call?

Tanith,Thank you for the advice . that's exactly what I'll do, and I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. x

I'd send the card as normal NannyG but instead of the Happy Christmas she may not be having, I'd put 'thinking of you, please let me know how you are and if there's anything I can do' or some such similar statement.

Absolutely agree with Bikerhiker. The fact that his brother broke down on the phone is a sign of how much he needs this regular contact, to break it off, must be utterly devastating for the bereaved person, a sign that the other person doesn't really care that much and that he really is on his own.

Please keep in contact with your brother in law, this is a particularly horrible time of year for people missing their loved ones. He may not realise it, but he needs the love of friends and family. I know conversations can be awkward as you don't want him to be upset, but that's natural, please try to keep contact if you can. X