I know of at least three couples who had private dance lessons so that they could impress their guests with the first dance

"Today's weddings" covers a massive range from "big fat" weddings with meringue frocks, horse drawn carriages and a bill for over £20K to chic simple civil do's with a meal in a wine bar and dresses that could be worn anywhere. So I wouldn't want to generalise although my gut reaction was to say "Yes!!"
The important thing to me is the marriage not the wedding but I do understand that couples want to throw a memorable party. One hopes they won't be doing it again!!
What shocks though is the way the noughts appear at the end of any quote when the word "wedding" is let slip. That is unnecessary profiteering and it annoys me.
DD gets married 2 weeks tomorrow (gulp) and I hope that they are doing it their way, I know they will be buying the flowers at the market, a talented friend is doing all the arrangements, DD is wearing a vintage 60's dress and their "do" is in a Social Club a few minutes walk from the museum where the ceremony is taking place. They drove over to France last weekend to buy all the wine and quantities of cheese and saved nearly 50% of what they would have paid plus almost certainly got better. I like to think they have struck the right balance.

It sounds lovely, Alea and I hope all goes well.

Oh, pssh! We had a cheap do - church down the road (no bells!), local small hotel for chicken dinner for 40, pub for evening disco, hired dress, coach trip to a rainy week at a b & b in Llandudno. My DC have run the gamut of a civic ceremony with witnesses only to a huge castle do for 140. Whatever is right for the couple is right, and who can say what they should and shouldn't do? My only caveat would be that if they, or their family, can't afford it, they should reign themselves in. Otherwise, have the day you want - the memories last a lifetime!

It does seem that the older weddings brought people together to make the day happen. Maybe that doesn't happen so much now. Maybe the cost is about buying more things or using more services instead of family and friends to help make the day special.

My only bridesmaid was my sister, then aged 6 years old so my mum signed for me, along with my brother who was best man and my dad gave me away, a family affair which I wouldn't have done any different for anything, even though we paid for most of our wedding too.

I certainly couldn't have uninvited my mum like I was to my D's this summer, after being told they were paying for it so they would do it how they wanted. I have lovely memories of both my parents being so proud on the day, like they deserved to be after working hard to bring me up.

Alea, so true about the 'appearing noughts' for weddings... and funerals (with the guilt trip attached - surely you want the best for your dearly departed, blablabla)...

For DD1's wedding, we went to visit a local flower shop (in Oakham, Rutland) and said we wanted flowers for her wedding, but not at all fancy, stiff and formal flowers- just 2 big vases and a couple of arrangements to hide the radiators (in the medieval Castle there/hall). The snooty woman said 'wedding flowers are wedding flowers and prices start at £90 (15 years ago)... so I rehiterated we didn't want classic wedding flowers. I turned round and there was a huge bouquet waiting for delivery- which was perfect and just what we wanted (I explained I had already got 2 massive vases for them) - eryngium, pink roses and white delphinium and other stuff- perfect! So I said admiringly- that is beautiful, how much would one of those cost? Her reply, £30. So I said perfect, we will have 2 of those please. Ah no, she said, if it is for a wedding, they will be £90 each, as it is the minimum. Ensued a 'conversation' which ended up with her handing me a 'wedding flowers' leaflet- and a 'you do seem confused, perhaps you should go for coffee and think it over'. Never ever been to that shop again!!

The little flower shop across the road got the message immediately and all was arranged in a giffy for a very reasonable sum. They offered to take the flowers from the medieval hall to the restaurant a few miles away- so they would be used twice- with a few additions, and they delivered all the button holes to our house 30 miles away for a small fee. Wonderful and perfect.

(as for funerals, there are some very unholy alliances out there - and I could tell some stories that would truly shock you... about such alliances especially in the old days of the arrival of cheaper options, like the Coop, etc).

Both my sons got married this year. The elder one for the second time. His wedding was in Stockport Town Hall which has an amazing marble staircase for the bride to come down and the reception was at a local pub where friends could drop in during the evening - it was informal relaxed and they both looked very happy as did his 3 children from his previous marriage. The younger son got married in Santorini with everything organised by a wedding planner out there. It was for close family and a few friends. Like some of you I've always been shocked by the cost of weddings and this one involved them saving for some time BUT I have to admit it was stunning. Everybody was invited to spend the day with the bride and groom as they got ready and the wedding and reception took place outside overlooking the bay as the sun set. I shall remember it for a long time. Both were special and both suited the people and the situation. I still think there are a lot of people making a lot of money by selling a dream, but I shall remember both of this year's special weddings with a great deal of pleasure☺

The weddings sound special Badenkate and just what the bride and groom wanted. It's their day, who are we to get all smug n superior about their choices ( not your weddings Badenkate, I mean weddings in general). Older folk need to think on before making judgemental comments about you get folk. Many of us will have caused a stir amongst some older family members who we'd have seen as stuck in their own time warp.

Definitely if they have to go into debt to fund it!! If they can afford to pay for it upfront, then it is their choice I suppose.

Exactly- this is not being in a timewarp or judgmental, to say that you can have a fabulous day without spending 20-30.000£. If you can afford it, fair enough- but I know so many couples who have put huge pressure on parents to pay for extravaganzza with all their savings- and others who borrowed the money and now have to reapy at extoritionate rates- and it's breaking them up. And THAT is just not worth it- as said above, it's the marriage that counts, not the wedding day. Magazines, wedding fairs and 'expectations' if putting huge pressure on couples, especially brides, and parents too.

Average UK wedding £24.000 !


£0 to £5k 26%

£5k to £10k 21%

£10k to £20k 25%

£20k to £30k 12%

£30k to £40k 5%

More than £40k 10% - wow, 10% over 40K!

Today in 2 weeks time it will be over (bar the "do" and DH's speech) !!
Just hope it doesn't pour with rain as we all plan to walk (with Basil the dog) from the ceremony venue to the reception. Probably will.

Nelliemoser - I think you could have hit the nail on the head with your last paragraph!

All the weddings I have been to, that I really enjoyed were those done without parade and great expense. Some of the weddings have been in churches with the bride in the traditional white dress, others have been in registry offices, but in all cases the event has been a joint endeavour by family and friends to provide everything from catering and the cake to dressmaking and photography.

Interestingly none of these marriages has yet ended in divorce, one couple have been married nearly 50 years, the most recent 10 years. I have been to very few overblown weddings but DC have been to a number and have commented about the inverse relationship between the size and price of the wedding and longevity of the marriage.

So the average price of a UK wedding is the deposit required for a £240.000 home- I'd say money better spent. Agree with you Nellie and Monica.

Average UK wedding £24.000!
Does that average include wotshername's, thingummywhistle, youknowher, yes, got it - Bernie Ecclestone's spoilt offspring?

£24 000 is ridiculous but I suppose everyone has their own views and is free to choose.

I was married in a registry office with both sets of parents and one friend of (now ex!). My wedding dress was from C&A young maternity (I was 7 months pregnant but we had been together for 5 years). My parents stayed in our flat the night before and his came by train that morning. I cooked a casserole which was in the oven as we married. We all returned for the meal afterwards and we then drove down to in-laws who had arranged a family party that evening. I only knew his sister! I had to climb over my new husband who retired to bed drunk. We probably went downhill from that point, though I stuck it for two more children and 7 more years.

One DS had a lovely wedding with all the trimmings though still cost only (!?) about £4/5000. They separated after almost 3 years and 2 children.

There are no guarantees. granjura you are right, "It's the marriage that counts"

For a while, there wasn't anyone I knew who wasn't getting married in a castle with string quartets playing the music.!!!! No, I am not from the aristocracy and neither were they. The crazy thing was one wedding I attended had this poor string quartet playing while we waited on the meal being ready, you couldn't hear them for all the chat and no one played a blind bit of attention to them. What was the point?
The 'ordinary' wedding has vanished from view.

I don't know about anyone else but the bigger the wedding seems to be the less these marriages have lasted and I'm talking less than a year.

As I have said to my own family - the more complicated you make a wedding,the more likely it is that something will go wrong.

The average wedding price in France is about £7000- so less than a 1/3 rd of the UK. There is a huge industry in the UK that has developed on the USA model- which just does not exist on the Continent. I know these sort of comments really do annoy some on GN- but it is the truth. This huge fairy tale in a Castle with string quartet, etc, wedding, is very much a USA thing with the UK just behind.

I don't know what the average price of a wedding in France has to do with the price of fish!

Those awful Big Fat Wedding type events are not really a reflection of the run of the mill UK wedding.

Asking for money by way of a poem is the pits!

I think the wedding in the film Mamma Mia is lovely, relaxed and easy.

Like other events, such as the school prom, which didn't exist here a short while ago, when we look to copy America, it usually involves over indulgence and an enormous expense. It's a personal thing I know, but over egging anything, Christmas included, just smacks of vulgarity and the essence of what the celebration is all about is often lost. IMO!

1/3 of uk couples get into debt to pay for wedding, and are still paying the loan 6 years and more later. This is not a good start, especially if you want to buy your own home at some point, and want to have children - surely?

We had a traditional wedding. I was 20 he was 24 . We were married by his family's minister in the University Chapel. I designed my long dress, bought the satin and had it made by a dressmaker. Total cost for my dress and two bridesmaids was £14. My parents paid for the dinner and dance reception with his parents chipping in for the wine. He had some sort of stag night in a pub. I didn't have a hen do. In fact I've never been to a hen do.

Our children have never married, although they have been in stable relationships for 15 - 21 years and have children. I've long since stopped looking at hats and visualising myself as mother of the bride. I would prefer them to be married but I'm glad we've been able to help them to buy houses which might not have been possible if they'd wanted extravagent weddings.