For carers of dementia/Alzheimer's sufferers

annsixty surely your husband should be getting at least the lower level of Attendance Allowance. I know it is easier for me because I claim for my mum and somehow that feel's less of a reflection on me although, given the choice, mum would not claim. I'm afraid I just don't explain too much.

If you decide to claim do contact someone like Age UK as they will often know better what information the decision makers are looking for, they will often visit to help you fill the form in and often tell you about other things that are available. An it is nice to chat on a normal adult basis .

As you have seen some benefits are "gateways" to others and they are all designed to help with the care your husband needs.

The last three weeks of my husband's life, when he could hardly swallow, all he ate was bananas; a couple of bites at a time.

I presume you have electrolyte drinks, which are available on prescription.

Yet another article in today's DT , leading to yet another book, about a family member caring for a mother with Alzheimer's. Except she lived hundreds of miles away and visited once a month and her care was to find a nice home for her. She says what a joy it was to care for her and how it strengthened their relationship. Well actually it is b....y hard work and I might feel joy if I was going home for for 4 weeks and living a life. I live my H's life,not my own. I don't often whinge but these articles make me see red. This morning I realised that we were nearly out of Memantine as the surgery had only prescribed 28 days, so I had to go out in the pouring rain to put the scrip in, got soaked and came home feeling sorry for myself which isn't often.

Leonora. My dad stopped eating and drinking, it's a long story but he was eventually sectioned and is now in hospital. There he eats and drinks and he does what the staff ask him to do whereas for me he would take nothing. They supplement meals with a liquid food but I know you can only get it on prescription. My best wishes to you, I know how difficult this situation is.

annsixty you're right it is extremely hard work. I think it's worse as well when it's your partner. Everything is then on your shoulders. Living with it 24/7 without any respite grinds you down.

I'm glad that the decision for my H to be in care was taken out of my hands.

My thoughts are with you.

I agree with janeainsworth about the egg custard. When I was worried about my mum not eating much, her friend told me how to make it and it went down quite easily.

Ann I read that article and can understand how its smug tone upset you. But it was more about the bad relationship the writer and her mother had had when she was younger and how the illness had somehow enabled them both to see their relationship differently.
Your situation of seeing your DH of many years change before your eyes as the condition progresses as well as the burden of caring for him every day is not in the same league - I can well understand your feeling that your life is not your own and it is not in your control. I am looking after MrA at the moment after a hip operation and I know it's nothing compared to what you do for your DH.
for you x

Hello to all of you who have so kindly replied to my plea for ideas to tempt my ninety year-old husband's appetite.
He is in the final stage of dementia, and finds food with lumps a problem. So, I'll try both the egg custard and banana suggestions.
Thanks too, to those who mentioned various benefits - the wonderful Age Concern advisors helped me to claim all the benefits to which I was entitled, and for which I am deeply grateful.
I must also thank the Dementia Society's, Talking Point Forum, who have guided me throughout my dear man's nine year's degeneration into oblivion.

My husband has dementia and advanced inoperable lung cancer. (Never smoked in his life.)The combination means sleep is shot to pot. When I manage to get him back to sleep after a coughing bout or a loo trip, I'm on alert, listening to the laboured breathing. Food is a bit of a challenge, as even when he would like to want it, he just can't face very much at all. Knackering and disheartening, I have to say.

Meggymay sending you my very best wishes for an impossible situation. When you think of sll the petty things some of us moan about, it is truly shaming.
I hope you are getting some support and that respite is available.
you have earned them.

MeggyMay I hope you are getting plenty of help and support, you must take care of you as well.

MeggyMay. How are you? I hope you have support and practical help. My very best wishes to you both.

I found it so hard to find decent information on funding and exemptions when trying to fund my Gran's care, there's so little transparency out there for what people are actually entitled to.

All I'd add to this thread is to not forget to apply for support and needs assessments and Carer's assessments from your local authority as you never know what help you may be entitled to unless you ask. Independent financial advisors who specialise in care can also be a great asset when contemplating the financial aspects of care - it certainly helped make funding my Gran's care easier.