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A very senior moment

(36 Posts)
absentgrana Thu 28-Jun-12 11:56:50

Wrapped in my bath robe and all freshly showered and shiny, I trotted downstairs into the kitchen and asked Mr absent, "Do we have any Viagra?"
An expression of panic crossed his face, he gulped and squeaked, "Why?"
"Oh, the usual reason," I replied nonchalantly.
He blanched.
"Both shower heads have a bit of limescale and could do with a soak."
His mouth twitching, Mr asbsent went to the appropriate cupboard and found a bottle of Viacal. The showerheds are soaking and I have just about stopped blushing. blush

Ariadne Fri 29-Jun-12 17:27:25

Oh, teaching! "prick" was always good for a snigger, but the best / worst was from the poem "Flannan Isle", where the strange birds are "far too big for cormorant or shag".

I used to give the an advance warning: "Right! In this poem the word "shag" will occur. It means..... But knowing you lot let's have a snigger now." It usually worked, apart from those students who wanted to explore the etymology of the word...

Grannylin Fri 29-Jun-12 17:56:36

and what about having to teach German...Vater, Vati's Vater= Grossvater, er fahrt mit dem Zug etc etc (can't do umlauts) .... a laugh a minute!

Freda47 Fri 29-Jun-12 18:06:37

And one of my gran's expressions was that she was "just going to give the toilet a lick round"...eeww. She always wondered why we laughed.

Joan Fri 29-Jun-12 23:46:29

I wasn't allowed to swear at home so I would say 'Eleven Eggs' which is elf Eier in German - comes out as hell fire. As for Vater - my Dad could be a champion farter - one for every one of the thirteen steps to downstairs when he got up, so the word seemed so appropriate. As did Mutter, 'cos Mum would mutter in discontent! Ah, German - such a great language for rudeness and fun.

I remember these two Texan lads in my German class in Vienna in the mid 1960s. They were appalling racists, and all round right wing ratbags in a period of civil rights in America and social justice in Europe. Anyway, their German was pretty hopeless and one day we had to talk about things we liked to do back home. These lads liked to go shooting in the woods, but one of them got the words schiessen and scheissen mixed up. One means shoot and the other means shit................

bikergran Sat 30-Jun-12 23:20:54

lol lol just what I needed before bedtime lol.lol.grin smile have to lol quietly so as not to wake DH lol LOL LOL.....

JessM Tue 31-Jul-12 18:35:58

Just reviving this thread to share with you a senior moment reported by DIL.
DIL's grandma is 89. Still driving and doing long daily walks.
Family visiting her for tea. She suddenly turns to her great grandson F, aged 4 and says "Would you like some port F?" "Are you sure? It's your uncle's favourite drink"

NfkDumpling Tue 31-Jul-12 19:40:34

Thanks you all. Just came across this thread after a very long day with an unhappy hard-done-by elderly mother. Cheering her up had left me rather drained but I'm all tickedy boo again now!

JessM Tue 31-Jul-12 19:44:49

Actually, yes it is a bit of a classic GN humour thread.

gracesmum Tue 31-Jul-12 19:52:01

Maths teacher "d'un certain age" and really skinny criticised somebody's geometry saying "That's no good, you need a figure like mine!"
Same teacher was wont to say "Look at the board and I'll run through it again"
We didn't dare snigger - but it was a struggle!

soop Wed 01-Aug-12 11:35:36

When working for a photographer in Dartmouth, I phoned the Royal Naval College and enquired...'Do you have anyone to photograph your balls...?' I was new. I was nervous. I should have said dances...blush