DD (age 30) is moving back in with me temporarily . . Do I do her washing?

I would also IRON , one of my little secret passions !!

Yes, probably more economical to do the washing all together. But, of course, not do her ironing! Unless you want to, of course. But you will probably do it wrong.

I don't have experience of this but my instincts say that I would do her washing, but not the ironing!

She's your daughter and coming home to mum - there's no harm in spoiling her a bit, as long as she reciprocates and doesn't slob around the house

I wouldn't treat my children as I would a lodger.

I wouldn't treat my adult offspring as children.

I would do the everyday washing such as bedding and towels etc but not clothes that may need special attention for fear of them being spoilt in any way ironing would be the same I think as I am not the most delicate person in the world when ironing and have been known to get some fabrics stuck to the bottom of an iron so I would leave it to your DD to do that.Food and meals would be available as and when and I would expect some sort of contribution to the monthly budget to cover this even if only a token amount.

When my DD plus her OH and baby son lived with us for 5 months it was all very informal. If I was doing some washing, I would ask her if she had anything she wanted to add in, and if she was doing some she would ask me. Bit the same with the cooking. It was pretty chaotic, but we lived amicably together.

I don't think I'd be treating my adult offspring as children by offering to do a bit of washing for them. I'd be thinking more along the lines of saving electricity and water by filling the machine.

Obviously anything requiring TLC would not be included. I'd be sure to ruin it.

I tried to live with my parents for a while after I'd left home, but found it impossible. Just remember she'll be finding this as difficult as you, especially as you're both used to having your own space.

Oone of ours DD plus baby, with Sil at weekends, came to stay for 2 weeks between houses which stretched to 4 months when their purchase fell through! I think that it's important to set guidelines from the beginning which will not irritate either of you if the arrangement lasts longer than intended.

DD cooked once a week and did the ironing, I did all the cooking and whoever was doing some washing hunted around for anything else that might need doing. She changed her bed but I have a cleaner so neither of us did that!

She offered to pay us 'board' but we declined that although DH did start to get edgy about lights left on all over the place [what's new there!]

I did the main shop but whoever went to the shop between times, paid.

That worked well for us.

The worst part was the 'stuff' everywhere!!

The upside was having our daughter living with us again for a while and the fact that DGD now has a brilliant relationship with DH because they spent so much time together while she was here.

When they eventually left they bought us a lovely lunch on a boat on the Thames.

To those posters who think doing DC's washing is treating them like children, a question:

Did you or do you do DH's washing and ironing?

Well I put his washing in the machine but I don't iron it.
With a son I might ask did he want to add to the wash but with DD's clothes with special care finish and designer gear, no way.

Good question petallus. No I don't, but I have in the past. Then I decided it was time to treat him as an adult.

When my DD stays, she does my washing for me.

Petallus - No, I don't do ANYONE'S personal washing (or ironing) other than my own.
I do teatowels, towels, tablecloths and bedlinen, but lodgers, houseguests, children and foster children all do their own personal washing; the only exception was when I offered 'homestay' accommodation and washing clothes was part of the deal. I also encourage all users to clean the loo and bathroom/shower after use - although I do also give them a weekly thorough clean myself. If I took responsibility for other people's washing I'd never get out of the utility room. I live in a busy household with lots of day and overnight visitors - I have enough to do with teaching (from home), shopping, cooking, baking and keeping a large house clean and tidy without taking on jobs that others can perfectly well do for themselves. Interestingly one of the recurring comments I get from people is that taking part in household tasks helps them to feel at home.
Even when I was in better health I always encouraged everyone to do their share of household tasks. My children received a clothing allowance at the age of fourteen and then became responsible for buying, washing and ironing their own clothes. At the same age they began to take turns at cooking an occasional meal and cleaning (or not!) their own rooms. I'm now doing the same with my foster sons who are actually very appreciative of the 'life skills' they're being taught - even when they're washing windows.

DS lived at home for six months when he was in his late 20s. We were lucky, the configuration of our house meant that he was able to use two bedrooms and a bathroom up a separate staircase so was almost self contained. He was responsible for keeping it clean.

I usually tossed his clothes in the machine when I did any washing. Fortunately he is an archaeologist and they dress a bit like builders. If he wanted anything ironed he did it himself. I included him in family catering, we enjoyed all eating together, but if he wanted/needed to eat other than with us, then he did it himself. He also enjoys cooking so would cook and cater for us several times a week. He also paid a sensible sum towards his keep. We did not subsidise him.

I do think it is sensible to discuss the ground rules openly, including her financial contribution towards the costs of her living at home. Having an adult independent child, particularly one who has also lived away from home for some time, back living at home is a very different from having a younger more dependent child living at home.