Taking the piss - WWYD

A straightforward "No, I can't do that." would be much better than a contrived excuse.

I think your daughter needs to get in before the 'friend' even mentions the next holidays. She need to say something like ' I'm managing to take the Thursday of half term off so I wondered whether (son's friend) would like to come over for the afternoon? Unfortunately I'm working the rest of the week, such a pain'. The 'friend' would have to be very pushy to get around that surely?

I would be inclined not to interfere directly, but be supportive of your DD and be on hand for advice. I get that you feel protective towards your DD, but you may come off worse if you do say something to the friend.

Your DD will know when to 'call time' and if the friend is true, then there will be no bad feelings.

I tend to leave my adult children to their own devices, although I question their thought processes sometimes (in private)!!

I am with the 'say nothing' group here. Even a 'casual' comment may sound contrived and artificial and embarrass your DD unless she is in agreement for you to do this.Whilst your DD may agree she is tired and may feel her pal is taking the P it maybe that her pal is in a difficult place at the moment and your DD is being a true friend to someone in need. However she could just be a self centrered thoughtless person! If that is the more likely scenario
could you look after your DGC all or part of next school holiday? That way you DD can say to her 'friend' that she is so lucky she can get on with work as gran is having the kids.

Don't think it wise to speak to friend yourself,but I do think you should help & strongly encourage your DD to decide what she is able to realistically do for friend, without feeling guilty bad or unhelpful if it isn't as often as she is currently trying to do.Sadly it has been my experience that people are only to ready to take advantage of the good nature of thoughtful , caring people such as your DD & it always ends in tears. The other persons life, lifestyle &family are NOT your DD Responsibility or more important than your DD nor or they her problem to shoulder . The friend should be glad of any assistance your daughter may be able to offer on her terms , would the friend have any difficulty saying no if your DD was to expect the same -- I think not

PS, yes definitely taking the P--s. as per your question!

I too have spent my life being a mug, too nice (or weak?) to say "no" to anyone, and at times have been exhausted and stressed, but it is me, the way I am, and now I'm retired all those people I put myself out for have eventually told me how grateful they were. So if that is your daughter's nature, so be it, though there is no harm in mentioning your concerns to her.

I think you have wisely decided against saying anything directly to the "friend", and possibly even indirectly. Give your daughter some ideas for refusing to help this woman out, and then leave her to it. Be there for her when you can be, but at the end of the day it is her own choice as to what kind of person she is. She will get her reward some day,if that is "only" knowing that she did her best for others. What a lovely person she is, be proud of her.

Your DD could say to friend that by looking after her children, she has decided to make it into a business and will be going into childminding so that she can earn money from it. Get her to tell the friend how much she is thinking of charging and see how long it takes the "friend" to find someone else to look after the children. She could always say she changed her mind as the family business needed her more later and she is snowed under with that to take them again.

But if this friend is asking every day for help, then surely, as she collects them one day, your DD has to put her foot down and say, "I can do up to the end of the week for you, if you are struggling with childcare, but from next week I am busy, I am very sorry." She doesn't have to say with what, that's her business, personal stuff if asked. She really does have to be more assertive and as her mum you can help her by doing role play with her to practice her saying "no". It does get easier with age.

Why even the end of the week?
Just say "I hope you've got childcare for the rest of the holidays, as I won't be able to do it."

But of course it is up to Luckygirl's DD to want to do anything about it, or not.