So. . . . .would you be brave enough to end it all? And if so, how?

Bluebelle, I would never want any of my family to have to nurse me, and they are well aware of that. Whether they might be willing is another matter, but if I had the means to avoid being dependent on anyone, I hope I would use it.

I don't ever want to be a burden on anybody, nor do I want to cause extra expense to the NHS. Having seen so much of care homes over the last 20 years, I think far too many people are kept alive for far too long, just because it's now possible to do so - stuffed with medication and in and out of hospital - when it might often be a lot kinder to let Nature take its course.
Should stress that I am not talking here about anyone still enjoying a reasonable quality of life.
Though this is a separate issue, I know.

In his younger years, my father always used to say that if he got a life debilitating illness we should ' take him out and shoot him' and words along those lines. In the event he died from lung cancer, at home, with family support, surrounded by love. He was gracious in his death and pain control / relief was managed well.
My father, like so many, did not want to be a 'burden'. In his illness, being involved in his care opened up new aspects of trust and love and sharing in the family. I know this is not always so and seeing loved ones suffer and not knowing who their family are is terribly distressing, but I just wanted to point out that it doesn't always have to be bleak and completely negative.

I couldn't kill myself because I was brought up believing that God gives life and it's a sin to do so. I'm not afraid of dying and just hope for so much morphine at the end that I won't know anything about it.
Aside from my personal beliefs I'm sure that the laws on euthanasia will be rapidly eroded as more and more people live into unhealthy demented old age. They'll soon be bumping off everyone at 75, a year after what will be retirement age by then.

I think most of here want quality not quantity don't we?

Its a knotty problem. If your mind is going, then your idea of quality will inevitably change.
I watched a documentary a while back about a man with 'locked in' syndrome, after a terrible crash on his motorbike
He had always been a free spirit, a bit of a rebel, loved to take off and do his own thing. In discussions with his family he had made it very clear that the worst possible thing for him would be to end up as he did. He would want to be allowed to die.
However, as his family fought to honour his wishes, staff at the hospital found that he could communicate. They would ask him questions and he was able to indicate 'yes' or 'no' by flickering his eyes. Over the weeks, they tried different questions in different formats. "You love soap operas don't you?" A definite "no!" response, and so on
Eventually they raised the question about whether he still wanted to be allowed to die, and his response was very much that he wanted to live.

That's interesting MissAdventure. My father was full of bluster about putting him in a home / ending his life for him if he needed 'too much looking after' in later life, but once there, he just wanted to live as much as he could and die in his own home... It enriched us all to take care of him. The saddest thing is I think people are fearful about being left alone to cope and don't feel able to 'put upon' their families in old age. Families can also be very fractured and dispersed in modern life. And we do not view death as 'part of life' - culturally we seem to have lost the link of respect and care for older family members.

I've also come across, as a carer, a lady who wouldn't allow her husband to join in any of the activities which were organised in the nursing home. They had, she said, had many a discussion about the horrors of being plonked in a wheelchair, wearing a paper hat, and singing along to old time music. They had both said it was the worst thing they could think of.
One time the wife came in to visit, and found her husband doing just that - and really enjoying it. She insisted he was taken back to his room..

Imperfect, my mum didn't want to become a burden. She was a real live wire of a lady; spotlessly clean, loved being able to care for her bungalow. Sadly, her mobility got steadily worse, and she was housebound, and then bedbound for the last part of her life, but she adapted. It certainly wasn't ideal, but people can accept a surprising amount of compromise as things change. I'm glad you got to help your dad and draw closer to him. There are always tiny slivers of "happy" in the most trying of times.

Hi Missadventure, yes, silver linings. It was so sad to see dad deteriorate, but I feel he was able to preserve a sense of self and kept his dignity within the love of the family. Sorry to hear that you lost your mum xx

Ah, thank you. I've been shocked at how difficult it has been. Ridiculously, I think I thought that losing a parent was something that only happened to those "other people". We're a funny old lot, us humans. That's why I would never like to make it known that I would want to die under certain circumstances. I could be lying there, flickering my eyes like crazy, and hear "its what she would have wanted..." as a hand reached over to unplug me.

I am a tType 2 diabetic. My plan would be to eat sugar so my hBA1c crept up and get myself put on insulin and once I had enough take a large dose. Have been told by a doctor that that would work.

I hope I would have the courage not to do it ,

Niobe you'd be taking a chance of having a seizure and putting yourself in a continuous coma. Not a nice thought.

I agree about insulin not being a good option. Not only would you have to take a very large number of units, you'd have to be sure you would not be found for at least a week. I'd rethink that plan.

so no thought for the folk you leave behind ? I have watched families try to come to terms with the suicide of loved ones ,more times than I would have liked and its truly heartbreaking .Its not courageous its selfish .The people left behind are left hurt,traumatised,guilty ...they worry about how they could have stopped it ,the result of suicide for them isn't a quick release from a bad situation its a lifetime of grief .I see it etched on their faces every day .

paddy does you point really apply to the point raised in the OP?

paddyann plenty of posters have mentioned those who would be left behind.

Did any one else read about the couple (a very intelligent pair if I remember, academics I think) who always said that when they felt deterioration coming on or major illnesses, they would end it all, at a time of their choosing rather than cling to a life of illness, immobility, disease? There as an article about their planned suicides in one of the papers a few years ago.

They'd talked with their children about their plans, in positive ways. Their family respected their wishes to check out on their own terms. They had no wish to live as frail, dependent people who could no longer participate in all the things which made life worth living. They both wrote notes to say they were taking their own lives.

They called their children together when the time was nigh to say their goodbyes. They were under strict instructions then to be as far away from the family home as possible, so they weren't implicated in their deaths/suicides.

Both felt they didn't want to go on, so she went to the shed, and took whatever it was she'd planned to take. He held her hand until he was sure she'd gone, and then he went elsewhere to take his own life. Both left letters to the effect that no on else had helped them die and they'd had a pact to end life when they felt the quality of it had deteriorated to a stage they didn't enjoy.

Their grown children didn't want to deny them their way out.

I'd like to go when I choose, I dread the thought of ending my days sitting in a nappy, dribbling, being spoon fed and unable to do anything for myself. I have watched relatives deteriorate in homes and they've been immobile, confused, unhappy and fully dependent on others to keep them clean and fed. Not only that, their existence cost a fortune!

I believe all life is precious, but I'd like to spare my family those end stages and plan my demise. Watching my parents grow frail and then very ill was so very painful. There was no joy, for any of us. After years of suffering, the drugs administered to them at the end brought them relief and release.

paddyann that's not always the case. There's a big difference between a healthy person suddenly and inexplicably taking their life and an old one who has reached the end of their tether.

Only when life becomes too painful to bear and I'm a burden to my family. Pills and booze for me. If possible quietly telling no one. My fear is that I love life too much and may leave it just that bit too long and become too physically or mentally disabled to carry it through.

I already have a DNR on record at home and at my hospital so that's covered. If left to my own devices, I have enough morphine stashed away to kill myself many times over. My best friend, who lives with me and also acts as my carer is fully aware of my wishes and has promised not to stop me; in fact we have a sort of reciprocal arrangement in that she doesn't want to be a burden to her children or me - and she has also planned the morphine/ booze route. The only difference is that she has children (although she never hears from or sees them) whereas my children have been telling people that I am dead for years, so wouldn't know if I was really dead or alive anyway.

When I was around 8 my dad tried to commit suicide..him n mum had had one of their rows and mum went to a friends to stay, she came back for me early morning and we both went to her friends..after a couple of days my dad said he wanted to see my mum..but not at any specific time/day I seem to rememeber(no phones/internet in them days) we went up this certain day and went in the front door (mum had key) we couldnt open the living room door (dad had pushed settee behind it, at the time I thought what was that smell..it turned out to be gas, I remember the smell all too well even now, we went in the kitchen and my dad had put all photos around and put an armchair in the kitchen..he hadnt died but he was sort of half way there, my mum ushered me out the back door turned off the gas and rung the police..etc Im sure he did! intend to take his own life, not because of illness but because my mum had left him. He is now 81 has the onset of parkinsons.I have never ever forgot that day. Also my mums brother committed suicide in his car with the exhaust fumes in his garage..my mums mum n dad never ever got over it....finding someone who has committed suicide under what ever circumstances must just stay with you for the rest of your life as does any death.

Meant to say...even with an incurable illness it must be and Im sure is! a very very hard and frightening decision to make, to actualy go through with the process, talking about it and planning it! but going through with it when the time comes!

When I chose to be the one to break the news to my father that his illness was terminal, he replied that it would be just his luck to win the lottery that week! He then said 'I think the P.B. moment has come.' I didn't know what he meant, but he later told my mother that he had a large polythene bag secreted in the back of his hairbrush. Thankfully he never felt the need to use it. His GP was excellent at managing the pain most of the time, in fact on his final visit he had promised that he would never suffer a bad night again. He died that night, and I have always wondered whether the doctor helped him along, for which I, and I am sure my Dad, was grateful.
I like to think that I would have the courage to end it if I wanted to, but would probably be too cowardly.

I agree with Anya. We're talking about older people choosing to die.

Day6 I remember that couple. It's a shame that they could discuss the situation with their family and yet have to make such elaborate plans to carry out their wishes.

I am surprised how few posters are saying they would never do it, especially because of religious beliefs. When this subject comes up in the media, the voice of the Christian church always seems loudest to me. Even louder than the potential ethical issues. I wonder what the result of a referendum would be?