lunch

Have you tried talking to him rather than to us?

I just make sure we have stuff in and he knows what there is and he gets whatever he fancies, as I do. I cook most evenings, which I don't mind.

Be thank ful you are not in my situation. I would love my other half to be interested in Lunch or whatever, but he has got dementia and I am home all day, every day with him.. and I do everything from mowing the lawn, to putting out the rubbish, to food shopping to, well, you get the idea...

HeyHo I am in your situation so understand everything you say and it is very hard, but I won't mow the lawn, the back lawn is at least 5 ins high and can carry on if I cannot get any one to do it.
Incidentally my H has never cooked me a meal in all of our married life. It is women's work.

I have one who is simply not interested in food and can’t be bothered to look for it if it is there. When I went out for the day recently, I left him cold meat and salad in the fridge and told him it was there. When I came home and asked him what he had eaten, he said “I had a slice of toast.” I asked him why he didn’t eat what I had left him. He said he didn’t think to look for it! If I died tommorrow, he would starve to death in a week.

DH and I eat different things at different times so we get our own meals. The only times I cook for us both and we eat together are Saturday evening and Sunday lunch. Works for us.

Not retired yet but I work from home and DH is at home on 2 weekdays now. We only eat our evening meal together- like Grannyhaggis- otherwise sort ourselves out except for high days and holidays!

We usually sort our own lunch and breakfast and I cook dinner because I enjoy doing it. There is always cheese and ham in the fridge, homemade soup in the freezer and usually a small quiche from the butcher frozen too.

Far North. Interesting question which I pondered on for a few minutes to analyse. We shop together and have a conversation about meals for the coming week, and have an equal interest in our food. He cooks several times a week. I should have said 3 meals have to be thought about.

I usually make fresh soup in the morning for lunch and make open sandwiches or pasta salad for OH ,I dont mind at all doing all the cooking ,in fact I dont like anyone in my kitchen EVER .They put stuff in the wrong places and mess with my organisation.So all the cooking (cleaning,washing ,ironing etc etc ) is down to me .OH has his own talents ,we make a very good team ,each to their own .

Tell him to get up off his backside and go make it. Some men are incredibly lazy. I work full time, shift eork, and it's hard going. Him indoors doesn't work but there are days I could vheerfully choke him. He's done nothing all day except watch TV and play on his phone. Told him I was quite happy to continue to work but that he had better pull his finger out and do his share. I am not prepared to work my backside off outside and inside. He was good for a bit, now he's slavked off again. What works when this happens is that I leave him s list of things to do. He knows that if he pushes my patience far enough he will be "fired". I am not his mother and as an adult I sm perfectly entitled to demand that he fulfills his part of the agreement. Sorry for sounding off but sometimes men and their excuses make me do angry. They know they're being lazy chancers. If they were as lazy as that at work it wouldn't be long till they were fired. Mine has better watch his step or he will be looking for a new job soon.

Bit of a generalisation MesMopTop there are lazy women too, reading some of these posts it seems I am one of them.

And me it seems, Christinefrance. In the last few years my DH has discovered he enjoys cooking, and does just about all of ours, three meals a day. He’s a very good cook too - yesterday he produced a lovely dinner from a Yotam Ottelenghi recipe he spotted in the weekend papers, which would have been far too faffy and involved for me to attempt. If he’s not around I’m happy to graze from whatever’s handy if I’m hungry midday.

I do do other things!

My husband stands looking lost, what is there to eat ?...........anything you want, feel free.

Yes, men do not do “ subtle” so the direct approach is needed here. Wait till he asks, then just say that you are not really hungry ( even if you are !) and just say to help yourself. Give him a couple of options to soften the blow if you need to ! Have just spent 2 separate weekends with 2 of my sons, and was so heartened to see them both get a cookery book out and say they were cooking dinner ! Both my daughter in laws love it and it’s a luxury that I certainly never experienced !

Annsixty - I'm doing the make a sandwich before I go out thing! If I leave my husband to do it I get home to find that the cheese or ham hasn't been wrapped up properly and crumbs everywhere, so it's easier in the long run! What REALLY annoys me is that I come downstairs after my shower to find him waiting for his breakfast! I rarely eat breakfast and don't mind doing it if we are having something special for a treat, but day to day I cannot understand how he is incapable of getting his porridge - I've bought the sachets which go straight into a bowl with milk and 2 minutes in the microwave. He's only been retired for a couple of months - think I'd better start training him ASAP.

My heart goes out to OP with sick husbands esp dementia-life must be so hard for you ? but this nonsense about men "waiting to be fed" is unbelievable and IMHO, is entirely the fault of the other half for pandering to this bad behaviour. You are not doing these (mostly men) any favours. What will happen if they end up on their own? They'll have to sort themselves out then won't they? Having said that, my DH always cooks our evening meal. He enjoys cooking and is a good cook. When he was ill recently I took over, didn't particularly enjoy it so he's glad he's now well enough to carry on again. Lunch and breakfast we simply help ourselves or just say I'm doing such and such-you interested?

I am on my own now so don’t have this problem. I would agree tho that men are not good at picking up on suggestions it has to be a clear cut conversation.....

I think it all about looking after each other. We eat when we're hungry, sometimes I do it, sometimes DH does it, no big domestic dispute. DH does enjoy toast & marmalade so sometimes we will have cereal first thing and later on, maybe about one o' clock he will make toast & marmalade for both of us or a toasted tea cake or whatever. I always cook the evening meal and DH does the dishes.

I am fortunate in that my husband had always been quite happy to get his own lunch whilst I worked and nothing has changed now I am semi retired, but i'm afraid should the tide turn my answer would be you know where the kitchen is or yes please mines a cheese and tomato sandwich. Sounds like you need to have a little chat and tell him you have retired and were looking forward to having some shared responsibilities not becoming a full time unpaid housekeeper and therefore he is to be responsible for providing lunch at least part of the week so you can start to enjoy being retired.

I'm a social worker and once Cumbria social services put us in charge of home care in one area. I was called to see a chap whose wife had died. I offered the usual condolences but what he asked for was home help to come and make his meals!!! I said he'd need to do it himself & he said 'but I've never cooked for myself!" We need to get our partners more skilled just in case we're not always around

In our house it is, DH " I am going to have some lunch" Me " I am not hungry you do something for yourself" this gets done by himself, he eats so early I dont, problem solved.Dinner a different matter.

Made it very clear before retirement that I wouldn’t do lunch. So I get brought breakfast in bed, so he can watch trashy tv in the kitchen while I’m safely out of the way, he makes lunch for us both, something very light, and I do the evening meal. If occasionally I can’t be bothered to cook I will say “your turn to cook” and he will do. However I have to say this man is not a pushover in any way, but he does more than his fair share about the house. Clearly I’m very lucky! I really don’t see why a man cannot get his own lunch in retirement.

We are both retired. I said I’m fed up with cooking this week. Tonight either you cook for me or we’re going out to dinner and this is going to happen at least once a week. At the thought of being badly hurt (in the wallet department) he took himself into the kitchen and stood bewildered for a bit. Then he said ‘what do you want?’ I replied ‘you’re cooking, you choose’. He decided on pasta with sauce. He spent the next hour shouting from the kitchen asking where things were and how much of this or that to use. I persevered and didn’t take over. When it was ready I praised it to high heaven and said he really should do it more often. To his credit, he now takes much more of a share. He just needed encouragement. Result.

DH. Has a big appetite,he's a big bloke.over 6ft.always foraging for food.even if we have late breakfast/brunch.he's still after "lunch" an hour or so later.I just cop a deaf one and leave him to his own devices, he manages,but would prefer me to do it,but I say if you want it,you get it ,!!