Cremation or burial?

My whole family were in the funeral business so I’ve heard lots of stories. I think cremation is more environmentally friendly, back to the earth. My dad was cremated, and ashes are in a churchyard next door to where his sister lives. There is no grave to visit though. His view was that when you are gone, you’re gone, and he didn’t want us to go visit a grave - he wasn’t there, it was just his ashes. Better to remember him as he was. In a way I found it very freeing that he had told us this. My husband makes visits to his dads grave. He was very religious and was buried. He visits out of guilt I think.
So for me, I’d prefer cremation then scatter my ashes in a beautiful place, perhaps on a walk in the woods, or in a field, with a smile on your face. I won’t be here so I’d rather give my daughter the final decision on it after I die.

I have my funeral all figured out, and told both ADC. Cardboard coffin, cremation, ashes to be put in a special ceramic pot that they can put in the river. These bowls float about for a few minutes, giving them time to wave goodbye, and then sink and dissolve. Nicer, I think, thank being emptied out like the contents of a hoover bag only to blow back in the faces of the loved ones as they lovingly shake me out. I’ve chosen some songs, too, and told the dear ADC that they must get the words printed out so that attendees, if there are any, can enjoy a good sing song. I love a good sing song, shame I won’t be able to join in.

Forgot to mention that following a messy marriage breakdown for my DD I made sure that any benefits from my Will went to my GC and not a spouse in the event any of my DC should predecease me...morbid but necessary because of my experiences

Way back early on this thread (08.45 yesterday morning) Teetime said that she didn't want any funeral, no fuss or anything. Forty or so years ago my Dad died fairly suddenly and unexpectedly. His request, made years before, was for no funeral as he thought that it would save the family going through unnecessary trauma. It actually caused my mother far more problems as it gave us no "marking point of death" or ceremony to officially say goodbye. I don't think that she ever came to terms with my father's death

My family have been told, once I'm gone, get rid of me as quickly and as cheaply as possible! I won't be there, so I won't care!
When my much loved Uncle died, Aunt was going to have him sent off in a wicker coffin. However, when she went to see them, she decided that she wasn't putting him in a 'laundry basket'!
Instead she chose a lovely, very plain wooden coffin for him, he was cremated and his ashes are now buried in a lovely woodland setting, big plots, lots of space around, with many benches to sit and think.
The family were able to choose which tree they wanted planted over him, he has an Oak, it's the perfect tree for him!
This is in the NW though, perhaps the woodland areas are not as large in more densely populated areas?

Writing your burial plan into a will is futile as you are probably already dealt with before it is read.

I am writing a 'to be opened in the event of my death' letter listing in stages things to be done to help the bereaved cope with arranging things and in it is how I want to be buried and all the funeral arrangements.

Then in the will is all about the money items and property etc and how it is to be dealt with or divvied up

I am so confused, I just don’t know what to do.

Funeral plans are for the living, thinking they know how they will be laid to rest and it giving them peace of mind.. They have little or no way of ensuring that that is what actually happens when they die.

Cremation bad for the environment? Limited space for burials?

Why not temporary burial then dig up the bones and put them in an ossuary?

Good plan Alexa

My dh was cremated and his ashes scattered in Lyme bay from the yacht that was the love of his life

Galen I bet it was the second love of his life.

I want Cremation no question. My parents chose that as well. (Before me obviously.)
I am not certain what my OH wants he has seemed unsure .

I googled the environmental effects of burial versus cremation, it seems that they balance out pretty well. It is possible to find out which crematoria have the best record of dealing with the flue gases but, don’t choose one too far away from the majority of the mourners or the exhaust emissions from their travel to the crematorium outweigh the benefits.
Personally, unless their is a very strong religious, cultural other personal feeling about burial, then cremation (or one of the new, previously mentioned methods) are better if only because we just don’t have room on the planet to bury everyone,

I was executor for my father and he stated his wish in his will to be buried with his mother. Unfortunately he died in November just as a major snow event started that last for 5 weeks and he died several 100's of miles away. So he was cremated and his ashes were buried in his family grave the following summer when family had gathered from all corners of the globe. I had had a conversation with him before he died and he said it seemed to be the trendy thing to be cremated so he had no objection. But the wording in the will was " I wish..." not " I direct...." so the former could be disregarded by the executor and was not legally binding.

The eco burials near me ate too expensive I dont want to cost my grieving family money, and any money I have to invest or leave should be spent on them managing without me so I will have direct disposal (a cremation with no coffin, just straight from mortuary to furnace)

If I win the lottery I'll change it to the fancy forest burial thing but otherwise direct disposal for me!

You dont need any coffin for cremation.

If you cut out the coffin so the furnace just burns you and your body bag, thats going to take less energy and create less carbon emissions

I think it is usually important for friends and family to have some kind of event – ritual, memorial, life-celebration, all of those – when someone they love has died, regardless of the body's final destination

This does not have to be connected with the burial or cremation.

DH and I will have direct disposal, which means no service, straight from mortuary to crem none of the in between bits.

This does not mean there is no gathering it just means it wont be at the cremetorium.

The format is then freed up. It could be at home, in a hired hall, a restaurant, outside in nature etc.

And ALL money (if any) spent on the memorial gathering goes on things the family/friends want, not into the funeral home's pocket.

Cremation, no memorial service, no shrine or plot- Just dropped where ever -- on the slide ...

No idea really where my ancestors came from, my family name goes back a ways, at least 650 - 700 AD .. Wouldn't mind sharing the same soil with likes of them ...

I’d like an old-fashioned dust-to-dust funeral service at my graveside but don’t know whether the vicar would do it because I rarely go to church.
That’s the fault of the modern services. Shaking hands with everyone is to me so impossible that I feel barred from church.
I still want God involved in my burial.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Reported

This resurrection of old threads to insert advertising is getting far too common on Gransnet these days.

vvvq, unless the will has been left solely with a solicitor, family will usually know what it says well in advance, if anyone is an executor. We certainly knew before my DM died.

A childless aunt had prepaid and specified her simple traditional funeral, for which we were very grateful, since it saved us wondering what she would have wanted.

The ashes of both my parents are still waiting many years later* to be scattered, since they had no ‘special’ place that would be suitable, and my siblings have yet to agree on where.

*my DF’s have been waiting a lot longer than my DM’s, so when Dbro was asked not long ago whether he still had them, typically irreverent ‘little’ brother said, ‘I’ve got something that could be the scrapings from the wood burner, or it could be the old man…’
(Should add that DF would certainly have laughed!)

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.