Non traditional funeral/memorial service

What a beautiful idea.

I would choose something they liked to do and have a gathering of friends and loved ones around that activity or theme. Use the time to tell stories and share memories. For example, my mother loved to needlepoint and knit, so having friends and family come and bring items she had made for them, and/or ask those who like to do those activities to bring their projects with them to work on during the gathering.

My FIL didn't believe in God but when my MIL died a church service was held. it was a travesty because neither of them went to church and the celebrant didn't know them.

My mother was in a nursing home with Alzheimer's for some years and she was a believer. A local curate used to visit the home regularly and he had some personal recollections of her which were appreciated by her children.
She had forgotten who we were towards the end, other than she knew us but she apparently could remember the words of the Lord's Prayer and the 23rd Psalm.

I have only been to one funeral, my mums and that was to support my dad. Afterwards we gathered at my house and sat in the sunny garden eating and drinking. The neighbours asked me whose birthday we were celebrating a bit later and my dad said I enjoyed this so much we will have to do it again. He had forgotten for a short while why we were all together.

Me, I don't want anyone attending, just someone to collect my ashes and scatter them in a a place I love.

When my mother died in 2015 we had a celebrant whom none of us had met prior to the day as we all lived very long distances away. We did not like her and as soon as the curtains closed she rushed off saying she had to be somewhere else.

Daughter and I had a private cremation for OH - just the two of us, no service but a quiet time with our own thoughts and one special piece of music.

I had some of his ashes kept separate from the rest and these have been buried in our lovely little garden here at home. He put so much of himself into this place which was to be our forever home that I felt it only right a part of him should be always here.

In a couple of weeks, there will be a non-religious celebration of his life with music and stories from some of his friends and me about the man we knew and loved. We will then place his ashes in a plot I've chosen at a woodland burial site, accompanied by his favourite piece of music. Then we'll come back here for a buffet lunch and, I dare say, a few toasts and more stories at our "local", one of OH's regular haunts.

The woodland site is beautiful and his plot will have spring bulbs planted on it. It's big enough for two so my ashes will also go there in due course.

So sorry for your loss scribbles.That sounds like a lovely way to remember your Oh.

I believe when you're gone thats it so no headstone or scattering of ashes ,they can go into the garden of remembrance at the crem .A straight forward cremation too ,no expensive coffin or flowers etc .We're friends with a funeral director and he tells stories of families getting into debt to pay for lavish funerals..I cant understand why ....be good to your family when they're alive ,they wont know any different when they're dead

A friend of mine died suddenly and her son had her cremated in a totally private service with no one attending but himself. A month after her death, a small group of us gathered at dawn beside the river she loved, we watched the sunrise and remembered her then we all put momentoes and notes on a small raft and sent it on its way in the river.

My son had a non religious service with a celebrant, it was
beautiful. We had a hand in planning everything, the celebrant visited us a few times and we decided everything from music to flowers with her. I am Buddhist and want the same kind of funeral for myself.

Hello Kartush that sounds a lovely thing to do.

I went to a woodland burial many years ago - the 'wood' wasn't there yet but the idea was that as each burial took place a tree would be planted on the spot and in time a wood would be created.

Recently I've been to several funerals and although two of them were in our local church they weren't hugely religious but a mixture of both. My brother's MiL's funeral was more on the lines of a celebrant giving her life story, one of her daughter's giving her memory of growing up in a large family and then music to reflect to. This seems to be becoming the 'norm' now. My dear Mum wants a more traditional service using the same hymns and reading as that for my Dad 20+ years ago

I arranged a non religious funeral for my husband. My son in law led things and my three children each read a poem. One son who has a good voice sang my husband’s favourite. Some close friends and relatives who could not attend sent messages with anecdotal stories. My sil read these out. We deliberately kept it private, close family only. My husband was 93 when he died so had no surviving friends in good health to attend. Afterwards we went to a hotel nearby for a prearranged afternoon tea. It was a very comforting occasion. We collected the a couple of days later and buried them at a local Woodland burial site. There is a tree now marking the burial and I have asked my family to do the same for me when the time comes. Hope this helps Nanamar.

I think it's so uplifting to hear all these lovely stories about various memorial and funeral services that some have had, and that families now feel more in control and included in what they want, and don't just simply follow protocol if they don't wish to. Funerals used to be such gloomy affairs when I was young.

Of course it doesn't detract from the sadness of bereavement, but in many cases just feels more personal I think.

The loveliest funeral I've ever attended was that of my best friends mother 6 years ago. It was held in the back room of the funeral parlour, attended by 8 of us and the funeral director gave a short eulogy. It was so intimate and thoughtful. We all went for afternoon tea over the road afterwards. My best friend received her mother's ashes a week later.

I have chosen a eco coffin, it has poppies all over it, can be used for burial or cremation, I would like to be 'planted' in a woodland setting
No service just a gathering of friends

I want a Christian burial, just to have my cardboard coffin lowered to the traditional words. No church service, no funeral director, no eulogy or music.
My family and friends can then go to tea shop for lots of cake.