DH rant coming up...

A friend once told me I was very lucky to have a non-handy DH, because we had no half-done projects around our house.
(I do them if they're easy, or we pay someone.)

Another friend would remind her DH a few times of his unfinished project (which was always HIS idea) then get someone in while he wasn't there. It would never be mentioned again.

grannyrebel7, I think it's unreasonable of you to rant about this, even just to us.
You made a request, pleasantly I hope, and your DH is free to decide whether to go along with it.

I just say what I’d like done and Grampy does it .

I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want it done. He wouldn’t say no unless I was asking for the Great Wall of China.

Sorted.

Inbetween what I call OHs play time ( re-building a super charged engine in his 1937 car) he asks me is there anything you want done at the moment, no.
This morning he's got the wood to build next door neighbour an outside bar in the garden. I don't mind, she throws great parties ?

Everything is ”on the list” and ”i can do that for you” yes but I want it doing now, not when you get finally around to it and nor do I want you to discuss why I need it doing!

I am perfectly capable of many things with the exception of driving so if I'm happily doing a task don't feel the need to take over!

My husband is the same. He's now been off work for 11 weeks (furloughed). In that time, he's mowed the lawn twice, made a garden table - he had all the stuff, it's metal - and hung out the washing a few times. On Monday, he announced he was going to re-do some of the garden path. He bought the sand and cement. He's got a concrete mixer, so he should have been able to do it, but NO, it was "too hot" all week. Today, it's been "too windy". By the time he gets around to doing it, he'll be called back to work! (I hope)

Another vote for paddyanne, why ask someone to do something you can do yourself.

DH does all the handyman jobs around the house simply because he is much better at them than me! Over the years he must have saved us loads of money as hardly anything is beyond him. I do however always ask nicely and praise profusely,!! this can be a bit trying but works!

My OH is a builder but nothing in our house gets done usually. A bit like cobblers children wear no shoes! His excuse is always either I've been working all week or I dont get paid for doing that! Before anyone says do it yourself I used to and also labour on quite a few jobs for him, but now mobility and other health issues mean I cant. Lockdown has been great for getting all those jobs done, in fact he has almost run out of projects!

I envy all if you with practical partners. My late MIL regarded DH as too clever to be asked and FiL as too useless so if I can I do, if it can wait dear son in law does it or if all else fails I get a man in. At least that way jobs are actually finished!

In the past I’ve sometimes said, ‘Are you ever going to do that (whatever it was) or shall I get a man in?’

Not applicable now, I know, and to be fair dh is usually pretty good with his Black and Decker and toolbox.

I hope nobody’s going to ask why I don’t just do it myself - we do have a fair division of labour in this house. Dh wouldn’t know where to start to stitch a button on or almost invisibly mend a little moth hole ? in a favourite jumper.

Thanks for all your replies. Most of them made me laugh.

More shelves ...more excuse for clutter and knickknacks.

I’ve got a lovely Handy Man, who will come and do any job, big or small, usually the same day.
Garden gate lock broke, so I went and got the same one and rang him. He told me with the Corona thing he wasn’t working. I told him I’d have a go myself but he told me he’d be round in ten minutes but couldn’t take any payment.
I’ll just add something to the bill next time he comes.

I'm jealous Buffybee. I'd love someone local that I could reliably call whenever. I've got a LIST of jobs right now. Someone could earn a fortune from me.

I DO have a great plumber. All round great guy, not too expensive and cleans up after himself.

I am absolutely hopeless at practical skills. Dh is very practical and doesn't mind doing a bit of wallpapering ext from time to time. However it really has to need doing before he gets going. I have been suggesting that our bedroom is ready for redoing for at least two years. However it is going to be done soon. What has finally motivated him? Me ringing friends for the telephone numbers of decorators they can recommend. I actually don't mind who does it - him or professional decorators so long as it's done and I have told him this several times so why is he suddenly motivated to do it himself now I've got around to doing something about it myself?

It’s no good ‘casually asking’ one’s DH or partner to do something Grannyrebel. That implies it doesn’t matter if it gets done or not.
You have to first establish that there’s a problem. ‘Have you noticed there’s a hole in that skirting board?’ ‘I think we might have rats in the compost heap!’ ‘The washing line seems to have fallen down!’ ‘The kitchen drawer keeps sticking!’ ‘I really could do with a shelf to keep my jewellery on’
It’s then up to the DH to come up with a solution and effect an answer to the problem and although the solution to the problem might involve some delicate negotiation or even compromise, the end result will be an increase in the DH’s self-esteem and, hopefully, job done.
This works better if the DH is one of those people who doesn’t like sitting around not doing very much. If he’s an inveterate slob you’re wasting your time anyway and should probably have given him his marching orders years ago

I do all my own diy & I really enjoy it. I've taught myself brick-laying & built a small garden wall. Learnt to hang wallpaper, put panelling on plain doors, made stained glass & curtains & blinds! My favourite is making custom pieces of furniture.

I've been paving the back yard; my husband hasn't noticed!

My late DH was a builder and a perfectionist - as a result I have never so much as picked up a screwdriver or paint brush. I now wish he had taught me some basics.

We know that most household stuff can be done by either, but with me it came down to sharing jobs, fairly and equally, not me doing everything ! I’m thankfully and happily divorced now, but one day as I came home and walked down the garden path I heard banging. I walked in the front door to find my ex putting shelves up in the hallway, and normally a pacifist I just exploded with anger. I was told I’m never happy and never grateful ...... however, when I reminded him that we still had a half finished bedroom unit, half finished kitchen flooring, a half finished garden shed, half finished patio etc and these shelves would probably also be half finished too .... I was told to go forth and multiply ? and yes, I divorced him soon after and the shelves remained unfinished until I paid a proper builder to come and sort my lovely home out.

Always have to many the seed of an idea. This would be 'what do you think about a shelf in the X room'. I'd then go on to basically talk to myself about it discussing what I use it for and how useful it would be. Then I'd leave it to fester. After a week or so I'd be asked where I wanted the shelf and what kind. You have to use a bit psychology in these matters. Of course I know he does the same with me eg moving plants in garden, reorganising cupboards (he needs more space). Make it seem he is not being told but being given a say in any decision. Negotiate!

I usually start with, giving mine a compliment, you are looking very handsome today, and he usually replies I’m not doing it ???

You can buy ready made shelf kits with brackets (from ebay etc) and you basically just have to screw half a dozen screws in the wall. I have put several of these up in our house while DH stands and watches, or hands me the screwdriver. If you are able, have a bash yourself!

We're all good at different things. If there's something I'm better at my husband just has to ask. He doesn't have to think of devious ways to persuade me. And it won't take weeks/years to get done. Women nearly have to beg. So yes lets have some equality. And what was wrong with suggesting it would be a little project?

Perfume on a shelf in the light is wrong. Put it in a dark place. It will last longer.