Feeling very hurt at not being invited to party

If you are not inviting someone because they are single and feel that they may or you may feel awkward why not include a plus one, could be a friend or relation, not necessarily a partner, if they wish to ofcourse. It seems very unfriendly and unkind to not invite some one to a village gathering, so try to make the first step when it's safe to do so and start to circulate a bit more, and invite people round for a cuppa sometime.

MawB.
Well said

Elderlyfirsttimegran

I don’t have too much sympathy for you. I live in a village where we have people wo dip in and out of village life. They push up local house prices. You don’t day by day shop in the locally shop all year round. You don’t contribute to village life. Why should you expect too be regarded as part of the village? Sorry, you simply have nothing to complain about. Get real.

TBH that is precisely what could put a person off living in a village!
Who are you to judge whether or not OP is “part of her village” Are you Lynda Snell?
We moved to our N Bucks village from London 35 years ago and I am happy to say I have never encountered your type of attitude.
You say “get real” , might I respectfully suggest you do likewise.

Elderlyfirsttime. How mean! Lots of us have family abroad and have to divide our time between different households. My neighbour also has children in France. We look after her house for her when she's away and invite her round when she gets back.

Shiels, I am sorry for you, it's a very difficult emotion to feel excluded
We are a couple and have felt more inclined to invite single friends to join us for a coffee or glass of wine, in the garden. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be on your own in this dreadful time
Maybe you could find the courage to invite them, not all at once, but to get to know them individually. I know that I would find that less intimidating
Elderly, I find your comments rather cruel. Feeling lonely is something that we could all try to alleviate in our own way and that could make a difference to someone's life, just by including them
Kindness and empathy go a long way

I don’t have too much sympathy for you. I live in a village where we have people wo dip in and out of village life. They push up local house prices. You don’t day by day shop in the locally shop all year round. You don’t contribute to village life. Why should you expect too be regarded as part of the village? Sorry, you simply have nothing to complain about. Get real.

Should there be a party going on at all? Perhaps as some would be breaking the current rules they felt it would be best for you not to attend for safety sake. Don't take it seriously they may well have been looking out for you.

Oh I'm sorry you are feeling a bit left out and not invited to your neighbours party. Maybe it's because you don't normally live there and spend most of your time in France. I think a couple of other people on this thread have said maybe you could invite them round..that might be an ice breaker and you may make some nice friends. I'm sure they would feel upset that they have made you feel left out as I'm sure that's not what they wanted...it's just maybe they are closer friends with the other people in the hamlet because they live there all the time. ?

Sparkling silver. How mean of your former friends to behave like that. Granny57, brilliant idea.

My late H and I part of a group of dinner party friends for fifteen years. My turn always the last Saturday before Christmas. One year, 11 September, I was told my H was dying. Caring for him at home and dealing with the emotional turmoil, I told the friendship group I would not be able to take my turn that year thinking they would understand. Following his death, in early February the following year, I was never invited to a dinner party again. I determined as a result I could do without unkindness in my life. I have never regretted the decision and spend my time happily doing my own thing. In the time since, I moved 300 miles away to be near my family and bought a home by the sea in a very beautiful village. I have a lovely person who keeps me and the house in order and during isolation does my shopping. People in the village offer their help and others invite me to join in social events in normal life. I thank them for their kindness but decline. My late mother’s motto “expect nothing and you will not be disappointed”.

You say the party was for your neighbour's partner. DH and I have his friends, my friends and our friends. A party organised for DH would mostly consist of his friends and their partners, plus joint friends. Maybe next door considers you her friend more than part of her partner's circle, which would explain your not being invited. Everything feels a little strange at the moment and we have too much time to dwell on upsets- please try not to as it could make you feel so unhappy. Good to post on here and get it off your chest- now head up, move on with your life.

Oh dear- SheilsM- you say you spend a lot of time in normal life in France, so if there have been gatherings before you wouldn't have known or been able to reciprocate. Whilst you maybe friendly to everyone it sounds like your real life choice is in France and people are not being malicious in any way, just living their normal village life which by your own choices doesn't include you. We all know they are not meant to be having parties and as none of us were there we don't know if it was a party or a socially distanced get together (like the VE street parties). I wonder out of curiosity whether you have invited any of the villagers to tea or coffee in the garden now we can have up to 6? if not that may be a good idea.

party.??? didnt think parties were allowed .....better that you didnt go. think yourself lucky .who knows what germs you may have picked up. when its ok to have a gathering .have them for tea and cakes....and smile sweetly. ...if that had been me .i would have stood 2 metres apart as they went past..and waved....

It is horrid because everybody else seems to be going. So the person not invited feels it’s not just the host that is excluding them but the whole group. And that everybody will be aware they are not there. And they will be seen by everybody as a persona non grata and a low ranking member of the community. One of the horrors of small communities like villages. It is a bit like being back at school. But as with shyness, the shy person is very self conscious but other people are not that aware of the shy person or thinking about them. It is only the hosts that have excluded you, not the whole village. Maybe you are right and they don’t like you. But are you sure of this? If so, you could always ask a few people other than them to a social event and build up some separate contacts with other people in the village. I am sure not being there a lot of the time does make a difference to being included/excluded. Often these things happen by chance rather than being pointedly directed at someone. I once felt excluded by a group that seemed to be dominated by one woman. We later became friends and I realised she had quite low self esteem and I was probably not invited because I was felt to be too good for her rather than not good enough. Also, unlike some posters here, I was married while the women in the group were all single. Like any group who have experiences in common, it can be comfortable and supportive for single women to socialise together. Married women can be unreliable because of other calls on their time. On the other hand, married woman may feel a need to help their husbands socialise with other men, as men are not always good at this and to provide male company for them at events they are organising. It is not always an attempt to deliberately exclude people though it can feel like this to the people who are not invited. Good luck. You sound a together and generally confident person in normal times. I am sure these feelings will pass.

Villages are too 'cliquey'?

If you have a party in my neck of the woods the police will turn up and send guests packing! A pandemic is serious and must be respected to get this virus out of circulation. We have the highest death rate in Europe and is it any wonder?

Yes i agree it would be hurtful, but as no one is supposed to be having parties yet(if at all) then dont give it another thought- id count myself lucky that im not on their party list as it could well save your life! As others have said, when life is more normal, or far less risky, (or if we ever get a vaccine?) then by all means invite folk yourself, as has been said, as some might not be used to you being around if you hardly ever were before, so it could be an oversight, they aren't used to you being home all the time- or they may think its you who doesn't want to be around them, as you never want to be home? Whichever, id not rush into it but wait till its safer.Then maybe start small with just a couple of people for coffee or drinks.

Nanny57 - Briilant idea I think.

Anyone who didn't get an party invitation at the moment probably dodged a bullet. Did you see that family in Texas that held a surprise birthday party and now 18 of them have coronavirus, including 3 oldies?

However, it's hurtful to be left out, even if you are anti-social like me and don't really want to go.

Last year my neighbours had a small party and invited several other neighbours. The woman actually said to me that I would have been invited if I'd had a partner !!!

Parties are illegal they are putting the whole community at risk and setting a bad example. So yes I’d be pissed off by not being invited but I’d be more pissed off that they are having a party. What could you do? You could put a card through everyone’s door saying when it is legal to have parties you would love to invite them to yours.

Although we are a couple, we socialise regularly with two widows (pre lockdown) with outings, theatre trips etc, but meals are more difficult to cater alone - what we do is to have a 'rota' of eating at each other's houses, whoever's house we eat at cooks the main course, that being easier to do at home and others take starters and desserts..
For larger groups, wine, or salads, cheese or chocolates could be included.

It's not really surprising that you were not invited, if you are not in the village half the time, most people will probably not know if you are actually there or not!
Personally l would be glad to be excluded in these times, and at least you don't have to return the invite later.

yes, Nanny27! heartfelt from here in Swindon.

I feel for you and it is not a nice thing for them to do. When I was a single mum to my youngest son I was never invited to anything. One of my friends said that because I was single I was looked on as a threat - which I am sure you are not.

I agree with a lot of the posters though - there shouldn’t be parties yet with the pandemic still going on. Once it has gone then bite the bullet and invite them all along to yours. Drinks and some nibbles and I am sure they will arrive. Sending you warm hugs and love and I know how you feel.