Lockdown has made me realise I have absolutely no friends.

Sorry you are feeling like this. I think I'm a very odd person. I don't feel the need for friends, maybe because I have sisters who I am close to. I realise not everyone is in my position.

I have ladies who I meet up with for lunch occasionally but it's always a bit of a chore to be honest. Not being able to meet them is a bit of a relief. That sounds awful I suppose.

I went outside to find a friend
And there was no one there
I went outside to be a friend
And friends were everywhere..

I am like JaneAinsworth

not a chatty person, not small chat.. so that surely is the first point of contact with people

small talk, that`s the phrase I was looking for.
I don`t need a LOT of friends, but I like good friends

and I agree with Luckyold beethoven

I have lived in this small close withmy dh, who died recently, for over 20 years,, and there is no neighbourliness whatsover..

tenanted properties? some I expect.. but England has changed, in imo not for the better

3 years ago I joined the local church here,
still a few call me, obligatory calls to my mind, not real friends

I am assuming you are still working Kandinsky and wonder if, like me before I retired, you are confusing work colleagues with friends?
I use know that despite encouraging noises and mutters of meeting up for coffee and lunch I have found we have little in common with each other now that we no longer have the “glue” of the workplace. Because work and the demands of three children took up a large part of my life for so many years there was not much space for other friendships.
I am full of admiration for how my adult children have kept up friendships from years and years ago -from student, even school days, and now that they are all married with small children they still meet up regularly even if just for a dog walk!
To have friends you must be a friend is something I have learned from them and that can mean taking the first step and risking rejection. It also means working at it. And often settling for acquaintanceship not the deep friendships of our teenage years.
I do feel for you and since I have been on my own it has been even harder to make that effort, to risk rejection and to always be the proactive one.
So make those calls yourself, bake and deliver that cake and cheer somebody up. You will feel better for it!

I've got friends but apart from 1 local friend no-one really has bothered to ring me or email me to see how I am coping with it all. My sister, who lives 200 miles away, and normally rings me every week to see how things are has been ringing every couple of days instead. I live in supported accommodation with a tenancy support worker around during week days but have my own flat and separate entrance to the other 11 flats. It has been hard but I think I am used to being left alone. Most of my friends have partners while there's just me. It's hit home harder this year because in a way we've been made to look at ourselves and see what is or isn't there.
How about trying groups when all this is over, like a reading group, a choir, learning in a group? Anything to try and get yourself out there and find friends for you. Good Luck with it.

I totally agree that it seems to get harder as you get older to make new and lasting friendships. Most of mine were through work but they seem to have petered out. I notice Urmstongran is on this link. If you are in Urmston I would love to meet. Also anyone else who lives in the surrounding area? We could have a meet up once a week, month especially when this dreadful virus has finally gone (socially distancing of course).

janeainsworth

I think a lot of people who might otherwise be reasonably sociable have felt rather down & perhaps depressed by lockdown.

I’ve ring a few people up and a few people have rung me. But essentially, after the usual how-are-you-fine-thanks, the next question is ‘what have you been up to?’
To which the answer is ‘nothing really’ and after a while, having spent 20 minutes rubbishing the government for its acts and omissions, you start to think what’s the point. Phone calls are a poor substitute for face to face meetings.

If you really have no friends Kandinsky I’m not sure why lockdown would make any difference?
But 57 isn’t old. You’ve got plenty of time to re-establish friendships or make new ones. But it does need some effort and casual friendships are quite different from those with people you’ve known for years and become emotionally close to whether by shared circumstances or interests, or because there’s a certain emotional bond or link. And the latter are rare, in my experience.

I think lockdown has put life under a microscope and you see more than you realised was going on before. I think in some cases it has made a huge difference to people.
Kandinsky has had time to think about who is there for her, apart from her family? And maybe about the desolation of feeling that she has no friends. We've all heard the stories of people bringing cakes, etc, etc, but when nothing like that has happened to you, you begin to wonder why and evaluate your life.

I like your username Kandinsky. Maybe join an art or art history group when we are allowed again? U3A is good for that, where I am anyway. (Cornwall.)

You have a husband.
You have children
You are ,only 57 .
Why should people come round to you with a cake?
Perhaps you could bake one for somebody who really needs one
I think Sarahanew's poem says it all.

I understand OP as I am mostly in the same position. My health problems mean that I am mainly housebound and couldn’t commit to weekly meetings so it’s not easy.

You are entering a very good time of your life. Get out there & find some organisations. W.I is very good- there will be a group near you who will make you very welcome & they will have a lot of different interest groups you can join.
U3A if you want to learn something new. A walking group?Yoga? Reading group (ours is brilliant!) Painting group ( I go to one & I really cannot paint at all well but the company is great)
Ask at your local library to see what is on offer near you.
I bet you will be surprised.
Please don't be lonely- there is so much you can do

Friendship works both ways - have you bothered to contact anyone ? Or do you assume that it is everyone else's job to do the running around ? How do you expect people to know what you are thinking if you don't tell them ?
At least you have a husband and family, many don't even have that.
Contact Age Concern and see if they need anyone to make contact phone calls to people living on their own or if you are able, many towns and villages have formed Covid19 volunteer groups that do things such as deliver food parcels etc to local people. It may well be the first step to making new friends in a different group of people that you wouldn't have before. Charity shops are opening again - they might need help. Just a couple of suggestions for you to step out , make new friends, but contact your old ones - they will no doubt be glad to hear from you as you can now actually leave your home and meet up with people outside your home.

I’m very fortunate to have long term friends since school days and teenage years and they’ve been absolute rocks for me over the years. Some people just get swept along with a husband, kids etc and don’t hold on to friends. But as others say, it’s never too late. You can join clubs, women’s groups, local on line groups to see if anyone else is in a similar situation ..... it’s just taking that step. Also the friends you say that don’t contact you, what about telling them how you feel, a bit isolated etc

There is much to be said for making friends via Skype. A lot of non native speakers are anxious to practise their English. I began with mylanguageexchange.com, practising my schoolgirl French, but soon moved on to starting a language from scratch. I now have one hour chats (mostly in English) several nights a week with younger, lively educated people who treat me as a wise older mentor and care desperately about my well-being. This has been profoundly comforting to me during lockdown. I just love teaching the finer points of advanced English, and I have been able to travel to visit them too.

Kandinsky I feel sad reading your post, firstly when you leave work as I did many years ago I found it was a two way thing, at first colleagues and friends from work would text to meet up etc but as the months years go by it’s really a two way thing you have to keep it going, as some will get the idea that you are no longer interested in their company, I found though that once you leave a place of work the others move on and tend to just keep in contact with each other, when you go out with them it’s a lot of talk about their workplace,and as you are not working there anymore you can’t really join in, I found I went into another direction and did my own thing with other like minded people who were retired, did more with the family, I still keep in touch with some work friends but my life is different now, never feel lonely don’t have time, you are certainly not too old to make new friends, far from it, but with this covid buisness going on it is difficult at the moment,

I think some of the posts saying be a friend are a little unkind. I've gone down that route and my goodness, you pick up users if you're not careful.

I befriended someone here (southwest) when we moved, we went for walks and coffee and I listened. I lent her gardening tools, she left the area without even letting me know. I didn't get the tools back either.

I have done all the things GNs are recommending, volunteering, joining clubs, church etc. etc. etc. However, I have found that whilst people are friendly enough during the meetings or whatever, I am never invited when they are making arrangements to meet for coffee or lunch - even when I am standing right next to them, I did once ask if I could join them but was told there wouldn't be room.

I have come to the conclusion that as I have no children and therefore no grandchildren I am considered an outsider.

Me too. I have discovered through this time I don5 mind my own company, yes it would be nice to have a cuppa and chat with someone. I also have husband and children
I have tried, I have an invisible illness so some activity’s are out and I get tired so I am restricted

I have just read all of these posts and there are quite a few people on here in the same boat as you Kandinsky...so why not start a friendship group on here?? It just takes one of you to start it off...you could all speak and telephone on WhatsApp which would be good for all of you. But, you all need to make the effort with each other to keep in touch and not leave it down to one person always making the contact...that would not be fair.

Someone once said "To have a friend you need to be a friend".
It's a two way thing.

I do . At 64 I feel exactly the same, and yes I have tried contacting others but no one seems to return the favour.

I certainly dont think you are on your own. My first thought was that during lock down because you have a partner and family people assumed you were fine.
It can be very difficult if you are shy/ introverted. I worked in the same workplace for nearly 25 years and had a solid social circle. About 4 years ago there was a tremendous argument and someone behaved very horribly and unfairly towards me. She behaved in a very catty and playground way and I was genuinely worried I would lose my social group. I joined MeetUp and met some nice people but did find it could be quite cliquey amongst those that had been in group a while. I think this will often be the case in groups that have already formed. In the past four years my friendship group has realigned and all is fine with a few losses. I have one lady I'm in touch with from MeetUp, at the moment mainly via social media. Friendship that is genuine rather than acquaintances is quite a rare thing and in some ways almost a matter of luck,being in the right place at the right time and being lucky enough to really connect with someone. I have a small group of friends who been there historically. I met a lovely lady on a solo holiday and we kept in touch. Extending your social circle is hard. I think you have to be very honest with yourself. You have said you can be needy. Visualise social situations
How do you behave ? Are there any small changes you can make? I can appear quite outgoing with people I know but in more unfamiliar group be quite reserved initially. At social gatherings I would stick to the same small group. I made myself chat to people I didnt know well. Theres lots of advice online. Have a look,have a think. Most importantly realise you are not alone. I'm two years older than you. Friendships are formed so much more easily when younger,we almost dont even think about it. It is harder when older but not impossible.

You are not too old to make new friends! Or nurture some acquaintences and make them friends. It's a matter of getting out there, or getting online and taking risks and putting some effort in. I moved at 62 and have made lot's of new friends over the last few years, many from online groups like 'Nextdoor' where we organized coffee meeting in local cafes and walks etc. 'Walking for Health' or Ramblers may run in your area, loads of opportunity to meet new people and chat on a regular basis, and you can always go for a cuppa after the walk. Good luck! It's going to be harder over the difficult CV period, but outdoor things will be starting up again soon and I'm sure there are loads of people desparate to get out and meet new people somewhere safe like the local parks and walks.

It is difficult - if there was a Group near Weybridge or Walton, I’d love to join it.

Kandinsky
I agree but you have a family a lot of us none but before lockdown I belonged to lots of groups and even though I have sent messages few replies and of course disappointing birthday one solitary card so now I accept I have acquaintances and I am thankful that I love indoor hobbies at least you are not hurt as expect nothing