Need Advice on how to deal with strange questions from Dad with dementia

make him a fake death certificate ,only write not deceased yet.how about a memory box with photo's etc...humour him play along . say oh mum cant come back yet she's busy doing?? gardening /shopping ,she'll come back when she can.

I can't really add any advice to that given by others but didn't want to just read your post and run - I'd like to add my moral support to that from so many with experiences of caring for and loving people with dementia-type illnesses.

We both had grandparents that had dementia. My better half's nan would repeatedly ask him if he liked his mum's house (he grew up there, lived there all of his younger life) - after telling her the facts a few times and the question coming again he would say "yes, it's nice isn't it, what do you think of it" and let nan talk shit for a while discussing anything (not all relevant but hey ho). His nan also got very paranoid that everyone, including her daughter (his mum) and her husband, were stealing from her or thinking about stealing from her.

My nan went through a period where humour worked and she would giggle at her many delusions. We would answer some of her questions with 'love lies'. She thought my brother was one of our cousins (50-60 years older than my brother), she often thought I was my sister. She became dangerous indoors and we had to disconnect her gas cooker. Nan would talk to anyone pre-dementia and this continued during her illness. Once my cousin visited with her family, sat drinking tea for half hour or so then my nan said "this has been lovely dear, but who are you?" She would've invited strangers in. My brother handled things differently and used to make nan laugh so much she'd wet herself - then she would ask for help to clean up while having the raving giggles that this had happened. The only thing that remotely registered for nan was mention of her long-term lover (50-60 year relationship) - he had died from Parkinson's a few years previously but if I said "he's waiting for you" she'd smile and say "so I'll be with him again". Even in her last few weeks, I sat by her bedside, talking and she would only show any signs of recognition when he was mentioned. In the minutes before her death I told her she'd be with her lover, neither would have Parkinson's or dementia and they'd be young again and get to have their other life together etc. I like to think her troubled mind found some peace in my 'love lies' and fictional perfect afterlife. It hurt that she didn't always know me and who I was but I could cry later - what mattered was keeping her calm, peaceful and to ease all that confusion

I hope you can find some coping strategies and the support you need to help in caring for your dad. It is such a cruel illness that all anyone can do is try to be as kind and patient as possible. Please look into the links and agencies people have suggested - you need to look after yourself in order to best look after dad & for dad

@Bracken28 ... Oh, and if this was your first post here, welcome to Gransnet - people on this site tend to be quite supportive, so feel free to post if frustrated, need to sound off, ask questions, just have someone tell you it'll be OK etc

As an aside - I would advise all parents and grand-parents, like us- to talk to our adult children and make advanced directives about how we would like to be treated if and when we have advanced dementia. For instance how you would like to be treated if you became ill at this stage, or had cancer, or a stroke or heart attach, pneumonia, etc. It will make it so much 'easier' in so many ways, for your children to make decisions if and when the sad time comes.

We have both made sure our adult children are fully aware of our wishes in such cases.

Morning Brackens [I had a house with the same name]

My mum had Vascular dementia, she was sweet & child like, lost her speech after a few years. My dad cared for her for the first few years, then it became too much for him, in his 80s, so poor mum went into a , very nice, home. My mum was no problem, although she was double incontinent.

Others in the home would ask for their deceased loved ones, wives, husbands, mum & dad. It was best to just go along with their 'dreams' and say to them "mum will be home soon" etc.

Playing music, singing & showing old pictures all helped them. Saying 'so & so is dead' didn't help, just left them confusion & very sad. So you just have to play along with the 'story' & keep them happy in their own little make believe world.

I haven't read the replies, so I hope you get some good advise and I wish you much luck with your dear dad.

Lorelei What a lovely post and you did all the right things to keep your nan happy & peaceful. Well done you xx

Try telling him that it is all in hand and you are sorting it out. Would this then refocus his mind onto something else? I have never dealt with dementia so have no experience. It must be so hard, good luck.

Yes, my brother said he was going to start doing his banking via the moon. When I said that was a good idea he promptly said not everyone was allowed to do it.

loopyloo is it very bad to say that comment made me laugh?
Oh dear, sorry... ?

No Vera I'm sure Loopyloo will agree it's ok to laugh.

We had so many funny incidents with my mum. Pouring gravy into her wine glass for one My mum laughed along with us, good for the soul - laughter.

Hi Bracken, when he says Death Certificate do you think he might mean his Will needs changing?
Just a thought!

My Dad had vascular dementia and we just went with the flow. He could be agitated at times and distraction techniques rarely worked then but were often helped by us bursting into song if only to get us through those moments until we could fathom why he was agitated(Hunger,thirst,pain,needing the toilet,frustration etc) and resolve it. There were moments of pure joy on his journey and moments of deep sorrow but My dear old Dad could still be loved which of course he was until we finally lost him.