How can I get over myself..

yes that's a point, if in the worse case scenario he needed long term care does he have enough assets to pay for this, without selling the house.
it is often well over £1200 a week.
i believe if you were married, you could not be put out to sell the house to pay for the care. maybe they put a charge against it.
but you are not married.
and if the money was gobbled up like that the children would still be gnashing their teeth.
by the way, why are you not married.
what do you men he asked how much you would need to live well. do you mean he is going to start paying you now, or leave in his will.

Why does this adult children need to know what is in his Will? A Will is private

Well, it does sound as if you haven’t actually sat down with a cuppa or a glass of wine, and had this conversation, I get the feeling from his reactions that he’s unaware of how you feel. Be careful not to sound as if you think he’s wrong to leave the house for his children, you don’t. He just need to understand how it’s difficult for you to put your own personal touch on something you could lose sometime soon......although we hope not! Would it be feasible to discuss talking to the solicitor who drew up your wills, he could put a codicil in that you can stay in the house until you die, it will then revert to his children? I hope it all sorts itself out. Xx

We bought our house when we were young. The mortgage was based on both our salaries, we both contributed to the mortgage and upkeep of the house. We no longer have a mortgage, but we still jointly contribute to the upkeep of it. Our will states that anything we leave on death will be shared equally between our children. If my husband goes first, I will still uphold this agreement and would hope he will do the same. As a family we all went without things to pay for this house, our children deserve to inherit, we have a really good relationship with them and they have been supportive to us during health issues as we have aged. If I go first I don't expect my husband to live the rest of his life alone but neither do I expect our children to be forgotten in our original agreement. If the house needs to he sold in order for treatment in old age that is a different thing.

Why not have an agreement that if he dies before you, you get to live in your shared home and when you go, it passes on to his kids?

He has taken you into his life and home because he loves you and wants you to share his life. I would embrace this and have input into making it a home for both of you. It is only bricks and mortar at the end of the day and the important thing is that you have someone who really loves you. I can understand him leaving the house to his daughter after all you still have your home to leave to your daughter at some point in the future. I would stop worrying about what might happen (life is too short) and enjoy now, choose things you like and have some input, it will make you feel better.

Oh my goodness that first sentence sounds so romantic! It’s a lovely thought for a sunny day. ??

So glad you have had the discussion that perhaps both of you needed to share your inner feelings. Wishing you the best of luck for the future in all your “joint” adventures.
I’m sure you’ve had enough advice to last you well into your twilight years ?

Milliedog

It's a horrible situation to be in. But you know the worst thing? There is no real commitment in your relationship. You are living together but that's all. Commitment means making vows in public to say that you 'forsake all others'. You might love each other but there is no security for either of you. In spite of the years you have spent together, you might decide you prefer your own home, so might he. A very wise man was once asked for relationship advice by a couple who were living together. Having listened to their problems, he asked the man "Why haven't you got married? Are you waiting for someone better to come along?" That's a question that needs to be asked.

Commitment is overrated, in my opinion. Look how many Gransnetters are living in misery because they made a commitment to live with someone who turned out to be a nightmare. Live, love, and move on when the relationship has run its course. Marriage is a wonderful institution when it works, but it’s not the solution to problems, and it can be ruinous to escape when it doesn’t work.

Goodness! What a headache. Can his Will be altered to make sure you can live there whilst you are alive. His children can inherit after that. Because you are so fond of him losing him will be a terrible blow; if you have to leave the house on top of that it will cause even more angst. If you move back to your house how will that affect your daughter? If she has a family things may become very difficult. I don't think you need that on top of the other things - it sounds overwhelming.

Is your OH expecting you to financially contribute to the building of the extension,you say you pay your way, are you paying towards the mortgage of this house. If so then he should make provision for you ,if not than I would just let it be. You have your own house to go to or to sell and buy another one should you have to leave this one so your future is safe,but if you are investing money in the property it's only fair that is taken into account

Because his children won’t accept that. They don’t engage with me. I wasn’t the cause of his divorce, and they aren’t unpleasant, but they aren’t friendly either. They are quite an avaricious family.

But it has nothing to do with them.

They’ll get their money eventually, as that’s all they seem to care about

I got the impression from CAB that if a partner lives with someone for 2 years and has no where else to live when the partner dies they have a right to make a claim to that property. Perhaps this would not apply as you own a house. Are you in his Will though? Has he got a Will? Is he providing for you if he passes away?

Is there a big age gap between you and your partner? Is that why a life interest would rankle with his adult children?
Has he made any. provision for you on his will at all? Does he think that as you own your he home, you are adequately provided for?

If you are not married, then as you know, you have no right to make a claim for reasonable provision to be made under current law, although this may change in the future with more and more people in long term unmarried relationships

If you were married to each other, then even if the property passes to his children, you would still be entitled to reasonable provision from his estate.
It is slightly worrying that your daughter is also exposed if you need to move back in to your own house or if as you suggest you sell both and buy one house together.
Does your daughter know about this risk to her. What's her back up plan? You don't want to risk alienating everyone, but a compromise does need to be found otherwise it may be a source of stress in retirement.

Promising conversation with your partner, Polarbear2. But still, you’re not married and beware how kind words can be blown apart by avarice of others... a solicitor may be able to help you see things from other perspectives. Do think of yourself a bit more, in the cold light of ‘should the worst happen’.