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Feeling sorry for men

(268 Posts)
vampirequeen Sat 08-May-21 08:21:32

There I've said it. I feel sorry for men these days. Not about work, education etc but about perceived behaviour. It seems that today a man has to carefully consider everything he says or does. This struck me the other day when DH asked me to come outside. Our neighbours washing had dropped off the line and he was about to pick up some of her knickers and peg them back on. He felt he needed me to witness him doing so in case anyone saw him and, not realising that he was just pegging them back on the line, thought he was being pervy.

Then, yesterday, my mam told me about something that had happened to her personal trainer...a chap in his 30s. He has been training a woman for a couple of months and simply said that her muscles were developing nicely . Oh dear. If he'd said anything but 'nicely' maybe he wouldn't have been in trouble but she took it as a personal comment about her body. All he meant to do was say that her hard work was paying off. A well done. But no. Nicely is apparently now a word with sexual connotations

DH says he tries to second guess everything he says and does when interacting with women. So much of what was seen as innocent and normal when we were younger seems to now be offensive or sexually explicit. He says he's not even sure if he should hold doors open these days. If I do it no one ever complains. In fact they usually say 'Thank you'. When DH does it he knows that most people will be OK but worries about the odd woman who will (and has) taken offence that a man thinks she can't open a door for herself.

I'm not saying it's OK for men to harass women or make obvious sexual comments etc. but most men are just trying to be polite (as they were taught to be when growing up). The majority of men are not sexual predators or women beaters but it seems that today all get tarred with the same brush.

Alegrias1 Tue 11-May-21 22:31:19

That's nice for you M0nica.

M0nica Wed 12-May-21 11:59:57

Yes, it makes life a lot easier, you walk over those who make stupid and obvious remarks, preferably in hob nail boots, and if there are any others that could, with careful semantic analysis, possibly be interpreted as sexist - well as I said, I have better things to do.

Rufus2 Wed 12-May-21 13:20:40

Message for men who are confused

“Don’t cry for me Alegrias1” That would make for a real chart-stopper! grin

The only “Dolly-birds” I know these days are Gransnet members and they are certainly here for my entertainment. grin
Equally, I’m here as anyone’s Tom Boy (Grandads excepted, of course!) shock

On a more serious note’ I believe any lady who can’t differentiate between a lecherous proposition and a flirting, flattering compliment needs to stay at home until she can or arrange home visits by an appropriate counsellor.
Good Luck and Good Health!
OoRoo

Alegrias1 Wed 12-May-21 13:22:59

And there we go folks.

Shall I report?

Lucca Wed 12-May-21 13:39:08

Alegrias1

And there we go folks.

Shall I report?

Not worth bothering.

Galaxy Wed 12-May-21 13:44:05

No leave it, always best to allow sunlight.
Women who dont respond in the way that men want them to should stay at home. Women who have boundaries need professional help.

Iam64 Wed 12-May-21 13:57:20

Yuk

Loislovesstewie Wed 12-May-21 14:06:06

Clearly I should stay at home then. Or just carry on challenging this sort of behaviour.

Hithere Wed 12-May-21 14:26:02

Or men stay home instead

Summerlove Wed 12-May-21 15:58:56

Galaxy

No leave it, always best to allow sunlight.
Women who dont respond in the way that men want them to should stay at home. Women who have boundaries need professional help.

Sign me up for distance therapy then while I barricade my doors

Summerlove Wed 12-May-21 16:00:33

Hithere

Or men stay home instead

But then who will buy us pretty things and compliment/ insult And catcall/ ignore us to ensure that our self esteem remain where they want it?

Alegrias1 Wed 12-May-21 17:17:32

wink

Galaxy Wed 12-May-21 17:27:13

Have you read difficult women by Helen Lewis, I am in the middle of it and really enjoying it.

M0nica Wed 12-May-21 17:30:46

A male manager once told me with approval that I was considered a difficult woman by our IT Department. He said it meant that I knew what my department needed and was not going to accept anything the IT Department wanted to give me that didn't meet our requirements.

A month or two later the software developer working on our system also told me that the IT department had warned him I was difficult to work with, but actually he had found me quite easy to work with because I knew what was wanted and could describe it clearly, with out constant change and he agreed that my solution was the correct one.

The system worked very well indeed when finished.

hollysteers Wed 12-May-21 17:44:05

It is a pity that out of all the granddad members (how many are there?) Rufus should put his big foot in it.
Dolly birds (haven’t heard that for years) and here for his entertainment. Oh dear.
Let’s console ourselves with the thought that hopefully he doesn’t represent the average (probably younger) male.

Alegrias1 Wed 12-May-21 17:48:16

To be fair I brought up the dolly bird thing.

As in "Don't treat us like dolly birds there for your entertainment"

And then....

Rufus2 Thu 13-May-21 07:15:37

Have you read difficult women by Helen Lewis
Galaxy Not Yet!
Thought you'd like to be the first to know that I've just ordered a copy from "The Book Depository"! $18.00 post free.
Will be with me in 2 weeks! Cheap at half the price; can't argue with that. Thought you'd be pleases! grin
Perhaps you could ear-mark anything of interest for me as you read to save time later!?
Good Reading
OoRoo