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Own money/pension pot

(32 Posts)
YoungNannie Mon 12-Jul-21 15:39:06

Hi there! First ever post. I am early 50's and husband few years older. I've recently discovered by accident (because he won't have his bank statements lying around the house and shreds them as soon as he receives them) that he has gone through £25k of his pension installment (which I knew he was applying for ) in just under 3 years - that's as well as working decent job full time.

In addition (and not to my knowledge) as the funds were dwindling he has approached his pension provider for another payout letting me believe he still had a lot of his original left.

In addition he has had other small windfalls in the last couple of years.

So when a bank statement arrived I found it - one day alone was £1100 on gambling and he has admitted that he plays on line when he is bored and its never normally that much (just the 3 months I viewed the statement for conveniently!).

He's adamant its his money to do what he wants with even though I stress its our future joint pension money (I work full time too and we have a similar income and future pension pot). We pay everything for the house/holidays etc 50/50.

He says as long as he is paying his share of the house etc its his money to do what he wants with and is none of my business.

How would you react?

Ladyleftfieldlover Mon 12-Jul-21 22:19:18

I’m not sure wives are liable for their husband’s debts. A friend only discovered her OHs massive credit card bill (his card and not a joint one) after he had died. She wasn’t liable and the £30,000 was simply written off.

silverlining48 Tue 13-Jul-21 08:14:41

You ask how we would react. I would be furious and would have to seriously consider my future. His attitude is uncaring of your feelings and it’s clear he isn’t considering getting help for his addiction so things will only get worse. Do get advice.
Trust so easily lost is very hard to regain. I am sorry.

YoungNannie Tue 13-Jul-21 08:59:08

Thank you everyone for participating I’m going to get all my pensions together and make appt with fa today and secure them to my daughter I think and then try another conversation to see if he’ll admit spending habits and go from there. Much appreciate everyone thanks

Mumofthree Thu 15-Jul-21 10:47:08

YoungNannie

Thank you everyone for participating I’m going to get all my pensions together and make appt with fa today and secure them to my daughter I think and then try another conversation to see if he’ll admit spending habits and go from there. Much appreciate everyone thanks

I think that is the best and wisest thing to do. good luck and I hope he gets some help, if needed.

Rosycheeks Thu 15-Jul-21 11:19:29

My husband liked a flutter when I meet him so it wasnt a problem just his sort of hobby I suppose. He always paid for everything even though I was working full time my money was mine. He got letters which I never opened which were credit cards.
About 4 years ago he came in from work and said he had to speak to me and said he had got into a load of debt and had to have a loan to sort it out. He said I had to put my name to the loan as well as his. I was really upset but of course I signed .
I said if he ever did that again I would leave him.
I think it shocked him how much he had to lend that he has never gambled again. I know he has stopped because he is now saving money and in a way I am proud of him for stopping as he has gambled since his teens, he is now in his late 50s. What I want to say is like all addictions it only stops if you want it too. I wish you luck YoungNannie.

Whatdayisit Thu 15-Jul-21 11:25:45

Firstly i have been in your shoes finding husband with a gambling addiction. Don't underestimate it that is what it is.
£1100 in one day has he got a problem yes you both have .

Get your money seperated or you will lose your share.

Online gambling is like crack cocaine.

I found out exhusband had gambled the lot while my son was in hospital he was 'relieved' when i found out. I had to start again in my 40s. He won't stop. I can't tell you enough to seperate your money. Or lose it.