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Hurtful comment, never forgotten

(97 Posts)
Shinamae Wed 28-Jul-21 12:34:45

When I was about 15 (68 now) I was in a café in Woolacombe with a friend and these two guys came up chatting to us and one of them said to me “bloody hell you’ve got ugly feet”I was wearing a pair of Dr scholls at the time. I had never realised but he was quite right my feet are ugly so now I never wear sandals.… obviously I have never forgotten that comment.. strange how something like that has never left me even after all these years.Always had flatfeet and fallen arches,I remember going to a clinic when I was younger where they tried to get me to pick up cotton reels and pens with my toes also had to wear awful shoes that were meant to correct the problem but never did and now I have a bunion as well, pretty feet they are not!

Sago Wed 28-Jul-21 18:07:51

Being taught by nuns it was a daily barrage of insults and criticism!
Sadly it wasn’t any better at home.
I’m more comfortable with criticism than compliments.

Madgran77 Wed 28-Jul-21 18:08:39

Calistemon Skechers now do arch support versions ...any good for you?

Granmarderby10 Wed 28-Jul-21 18:15:20

Yep Redhead56 the demon drink eh! Never fails does itsad

Shinamae Wed 28-Jul-21 18:18:26

Thanks for all your posts, yes I forgot I have a toe that crosses over on my left foot,the toe next to the big toe crosses over and it has before pushed the nail right down on the big toe so now l have to wear toe separators!!Also I don’t wear dresses or skirts, the last time I wore a dress was at my daughters wedding in France about six years ago and that was a long grey silk affair and it’s still in the wardrobe and not worn since, I tend to live in jeans and trousers So tend to wear trainers with the jeans but closed in mules with my trousers…..I also HAD a big nose and l can’t even bring myself to repeat some of the comments l had over the years and it really did affect me, could’ve been part of the reason I turned to alcohol at a very young age, and before anybody jumps in on me and says “you should be grateful for what the good lord gave you”I would say walk a mile in those shoes of a teenage girl who was really really shy anyway. Actually it’s upsetting me even writing this which is ridiculous..(l saved up and had rhinoplasty a few years ago and the difference to my confidence was amazing, Best money I’ve ever spent and only wish I had had the money to do it in my 20s rather than in my 50s)

Sara1954 Wed 28-Jul-21 18:22:48

When I was young I was very good friends with a boy from school, friends only.
One night, a bit worse for wear, he said he had always fancied me, trouble was I had a fat ass !
I was constantly trying to catch my reflection in mirrors after that!

timetogo2016 Wed 28-Jul-21 18:34:36

OMG Kittye and Maybee70,i can`t tell you how i am feeling,so sorry you had the same vile comments.
I am actually very emotional at the moment.
So sorry you have both had the same as i had.
Why are people/men in our case so horrible ?.
It has changed our lives forever,that is sad,but in all honesty,i can`t change regardless of what others say.
i will cover from head to toe for the rest of my life because of their comments.
Sending genuine love to you both.

Maggiemaybe Wed 28-Jul-21 18:35:29

Good grief, there are some horrible people about. sad I remember an acquaintance of ours who used to comment on other people’s appearance all the time. One day his wife snapped and told him it was a b….y good job he was such an oil painting himself, wasn’t it? Shut him up for a while!

JoyBloggs Wed 28-Jul-21 19:43:10

An old boyfriend told me (over 50 years ago) that I had 'beautiful eyes, a beautiful mouth, but a funny little chin"! As I had never thought of my yes or mouth as particularly beautiful I was chuffed to bits and always remembered this comment. However, as the decades have passed, I've started to look very closely at my chin! Hmm confused
Why on earth didn't I reply that he had lovely eyes, very nice hair but rather strange little legs...?

JoyBloggs Wed 28-Jul-21 19:48:50

yes = eyes

kircubbin2000 Wed 28-Jul-21 20:39:41

A very snooty girl at school was at a party when a boy who had heard about me from friends asked her what I was like.She told him I was quiet and foxy which was NOT a compliment in those days. She was nothing to write home about herself and it's only in later years that I realised I was very attractive.

nexus63 Wed 28-Jul-21 21:10:22

i have a squint in my eye, it has been there all my life, spent years wearing an eye patch ....looked like a big piece of elastopast, i have had to wear glasses since i was 3, the day i started school i was called squinty, it went on all through primary and secondary school, even at the age of 58 people look at me and are not sure i am talking to them, young kids ask what is wrong with my eye and i just say with a smile on my face.....it is there to balance me up, if i lost the sight in my right eye i would be registered blind as i can't see very much with it. you might feel your feet are ugly, but there is probably not a single GN that has gone through life without someone saying something nasty at sometime or other. find out what are the best shoes or trainers that are comfortable and do something about the bunion.

Blinko Thu 29-Jul-21 21:20:34

MayBee70

Crikey. I’d actually forgotten as well the first time my husband (ex) saw my legs. He was camping in a field where I was living in a caravan at the time. He told me that he’d told his friend he quite fancied me but then saw me walking across the field from the showers wearing a short’ish dressing gown and they both turned to each other and went ‘yuk’.

How horrible. Firstly, why on earth would he say that to a friend, then why would he tell you he'd said it. I think you're well out of that one! Sorry...

Lesley60 Fri 30-Jul-21 08:44:21

You know what young boys are like they will say anything to get a laugh but he probably meant your scholls were ugly, I used to have some and I don’t really think anyone’s feet could look nice in those.

Shinamae Fri 30-Jul-21 09:07:11

Lesley60

You know what young boys are like they will say anything to get a laugh but he probably meant your scholls were ugly, I used to have some and I don’t really think anyone’s feet could look nice in those.

Thank you for that but I’m afraid my feet are actually horrendous…?

Gwenisgreat1 Fri 30-Jul-21 09:33:38

I was the only one in my class at school who wore specs, so obviously I became 'four eyes' and 'specky'. Come secondary school my fine hair was the target and I became 'cave woman' - my mother always sent me to the cheapest hairdresser, not necessarily the best. Yes, my feet are ugly, too. Do you know - I DON'T CARE!! I do pay a lot for my hair which, of course, is now grey. I do still wear specs - my choice, and I wear sandals, my choice!

Ethelwashere1 Fri 30-Jul-21 09:58:39

When i was at school i painted a picture i was so proud of. I was 5 at the time. My so called friend said it was trash. I never forgot it.
Many years later i worked as a literacy tutor, my day job being in a factory, i made the mistake of telling my superviser what i did in my spare time and she yelled it to all and sundry, then added "your illiterate you idiot". I totally lost confidence in myself and abandoned my part time job, i became very insular and unhappy.
Dont be like me please ignore any nasty remarks. Btw one of my students passed his gcse and said he couldnt have done it without my help.

Lincslass Fri 30-Jul-21 10:11:15

At school bullied, mainly by boys, re a facial defect. When told I could have more corrective surgery, many years later, my answer, ˋ if people don’t like my face, it’s their problem, not mine.´

Shinamae Fri 30-Jul-21 10:11:39

I don’t think we “choose”to remember these hurtful things but for me they are just lodged in a recess in my brain…. Not that I think about them all the time of course but they are there…

PinkCosmos Fri 30-Jul-21 10:14:50

timetogo2016

I was told when i was around 11/12 years old i have footballers legs,from that day to this i wear all types of trousers and maxi dresses.
It really did hurt me even 50 years later.
I brought my boys up to think before you say anything that can hurt someone.

I was around the same age when my mother told me I had footballers legs.

When I was around 14 she suggested I wear a girdle to hold my belly in. I wasn't overweight and didn't have a belly.

My mother used to make dresses for me in my early teens, usually princess style as she said they were more slimming. I was only 8 1/2 stone

I have never had any confidence in my body. I wonder why?

Maggiemaybe Fri 30-Jul-21 10:19:05

I think footballers’ legs must have been a fashion back in the day. My dad definitely told me I had them, yet they were probably my best asset in a pair of hotpants a few years later! smile

timetogo2016 Fri 30-Jul-21 11:09:44

Blimey PinkCosmos.
Your mother must have dropped out of charm school then,what a horrible thing to say and suggest.
Who needs enemy`s eh?.

Katek Fri 30-Jul-21 11:46:57

And I bet his feet were beautiful…..not!! Don’t let a stupid remark from a virtual stranger years ago stop you from buying nice shoes or sandals. There are so many different styles nowadays that you should be able to find something that flatters your feet. I came across these for the ultimate fix……yes, they are a ‘thing’! You can buy fake feet with your sandals!!

Shinamae Fri 30-Jul-21 12:00:39

Fake feet for me then!!! ?.. if I had had that remark in later years I would’ve had a good retort ready such as “well at least I can hide my feet in shoes there’s not a lot you can do about your face!”(well there is now because of masks!) but back then I was shy and quite nervous anyway and was just mortified..

maydonoz Fri 30-Jul-21 12:14:58

This is more of a weird comment than a hurtful one.
I was about 17 in rural Ireland, at high school and sometimes used to enjoy studying/reading poetry outdoors in the summer evenings. This particular man, who seemed to take a liking to me, one evening presented me with a pair of tights and told me I had a great pair of child-bearing hips! I thought it was hilarious but soon enough I was out of there, and never saw him again!

nadateturbe Fri 30-Jul-21 12:16:31

When I was about twenty three I had a big white parch of psoriasis on the top of my head. A girl slightly younger behind me went Ooo yuk, look at her hair. I followed her into the next aisle and rammed my trolley against her ankles and said Oops sorry. I still don't feel sorry.
People should think more before speaking. I still mostly cover my legs but I have learnt to live with imperfections. We all have them. Most people don't care what you look like.
I've always thought feet are ugly but I just keep them in good condition and paint my toenails.