Reprimanded (Gently) for Letting My 2-Week-Old Grandson See My Face When Parents Want Him to Go To Sleep

What a load of tosh. I think I’d have just laughed and said “whatever next?” However, their baby their rules but if you’re going to be the (unpaid I assume) caregiver I’d also make it clear your house your rules when he’s with you.

What a load of twaddle. Where the hell do these ridiculous ideas come from?
I've had 5 and 12 GC

I do follow rules and never interfere.

Mine all went to sleep with me nearby. All breast fed. Sometimes fell asleep on breast. My gast is flabbered

'Storm in a teacup'. Don't take offence at this one thing when baby is just 2 weeks old or you'll be anxious about doing anything wrong in the future.

Also, talking about eye contact. Why do so many mums have their babies/children facing outwards in pushchairs. Children want to know that mum is near them, just turn the pushchairs so babies/toddlers can see you.

Presumably the parents first experience of parenthood?
Sounds familiar

Congratulations on your new grandson and the fact that his parents want you involved in his life. So many seem not to now.

Please try not to get this little incident out of proportion: I understand why you felt hurt, but you said yourself that you were reprimanded gently, so let it go.

Every generation tries the latest new method of bring up their first baby. And every generation of grandparents, great-aunts and nannies (if there are any still in the land of the living) shakes their heads in amazement and thinks, "Well, that will never work."

My rule of thumb is never to offer advice until it is asked for, and never to say "well, that won't work" to whatever the parents are doing.

It's hard biting your tongue all the time, but worth it, if it keeps you on the right side of your grandson's parents.

Ktsmum

Its a technique which allegedly avoids stimulating the baby when he is supposed to be sleeping. I used it during nightime feeds only, no eye contact, change, feed and back to sleep as they come to realise there is nothing to stay awake for, I might be wrong but I think it was a Gina Ford technique

Exactly as you say - this is what I did too and for the same reasons. I treasure the memories of breastfeeding both my sons both of us gazing into each others eyes. They would always fall asleep that way. I would sometimes fake eyelids getting heavier and closing and that seemed to encourage them for real!

Bonkers , if they didn't want you to look at the baby , why invite you round ! Modern parents could learn all they need to know from those with past experience !

I had not consciously thought about this before but actually, when my toddler grandaughter lays herself down and is about to drift off in her pram, I deliberately do not catch her eye because I know she will sit herself up and start chatting to me.

The point is, the OP was not told that they were using this new technique - and she got "reprimanded" for it.

What happens when the OP is providing childcare? Whose "rules" will it be then? Presumably, it won't be considered that she is seeing too much of her grandson when she is needed for (maybe unpaid) child care, allowing them both to work.

As for the technique, it seems weird to me.

They are tired! That’s all - new parents are sure they’ve invented some new ‘thing’ - they haven’t - but don’t offer anything - wait to be asked!!

Omg, I’m so pleased my daughters aren’t into this nonsense
One of mine is a senior midwife and she laughed when I read this too her.
I feel sorry for you, a new baby is supposed to be a happy time and people smile at babies eventually they focus and get excited at a smiling face …
Poor baby what are they doing to it ?
It’s not you and you have done nothing wrong bless your heart x

New Granny, Congratulations first of all. Try not to worry about new parents being led by fads, they will get over it. Getting pulled up when you weren't in the loop about this particular thing seems rather sharp but grandparenting is a crash course in eggshell treading without a guide book. I agree, for what it's worth, that the faces, security, warmth, smells and sounds of people who love a child is beyond value. A baby so young deserves nothing less, comfort and safety are paramount, not rigid rules.
Hope things relax soon.

Some young parents treat their babies like scientific experiments rather than small humans.

NewGrannyInTX

Visiting my new grandson and his parents the other day, the little guy was awake while his dad with holding him, and I was looking into the baby's face, smiling at him and talking to him softly - he was wide awake and I hadn't seen him in a couple of days. Apparently, his mom and dad were trying a new technique to get him to fall asleep, which involved not having him look at faces.... This was a new one on me. And they didn't tell me anything about this in advance, so I was taken aback for essentially being reprimanded for looking at the baby. Really???? I have made it a point to ask them how they want things done (I will become his caregiver when mom and dad go back to work), and this caught me off guard. And honestly, hurt my feelings a bit since it came out of the blue without telling me about it ahead of time. I do plan to tell them to clue me in if they are doing something new, so they don't spring something like that on me again. As a new parent myself, I set boundaries with my own parents that they balked at (like not smoking cigarettes around the baby), but never saw this one coming... I guess I'm looking for some re-assurance that this was indeed over-the-top - or some enlightenment if I am truly behind the times in what to expect.

Bit ott if they hadn't given younthe heads up! However, I used a technique on my 2 DS my nieces and my puppies!! I would gaze at them, not intently but then Crosse my eyes , fake a stifled yawn, then gradually let my eyes slide closed, worked every time! And yep I did have to crawl on all 4s in and out of nursery with both DS to avoid waking them! #2DS would then try to see me over edge of his cot once he got wise to me! Ever tried commando crawling all way across a landing and down stairs?!??

The parents were obviously sleep deprived and maybe did not speak as diplomatically as one would wish, but as for

It is amazing the rules now applied by parents to ensure the well bing of their babies. I cannot imagine how the human race has managed to grow so much given the conditions and circumstances most babies coming into the world now, not to mention the billions that have been born over the aeons of time have been born and brought up

It used to be that mother and baby would be isolated from most of society for forty days after childbirth, and that was a practice that was pretty universal except in the case of deprived mothers with no support.

Ive never heard of this stupid rule (thank goodness).

Poor little baby being depraved of his Grandmothers loving smiles.

Just out of interest how the hell does not seeing faces help him sleep?????

This has triggered a memory of me explaining to my own dear Mum on how to cross a road with my newborn in the prom. I told her about zebra crossings and Belisha beacons and bless her cotton socks, she stood and listened to me , didn’t say a word and went for a walk. She later reminded me that she had reared five children of her own without killing them! Remember, it’s new parents, scared and exhausted .

he'll be at university soon, so forget it ever happened, it seems like everyone is on edge, new parents, new granny.

i can see how it might work.
i used to creep down to see, sunday night at the london palladium, and if everyone was laughing enjoying the acts, they didn't notice, didn't bother marching me back to quarters.
if the tv had been off, and all quiet on the below front, i wouldn't have bothered.
it's early FOMO.

but the wider point is, don't be offended, it's not worth it.
it's their call.
and you say it had been all of two days that you hadn't seen GS?
well, that says a lot.
sounds too often to me.
once a week is enough.
don't crowd them.

The judgement on this thread baffles me. Those poor sleep deprived parents

When my oldest was a few weeks old, she was a horrible sleeper. I was barely functioning due to lack of sleep and desperate. At the advice of the Pediatrician, we set up a routine for sleep. One of the things was to not make eye contact when she was falling asleep or during night time changes. That advice was given to me 18 years ago, so not some new fangled made up thing that new parents today are using in order to offend the grandparents.

If anyone had poked their face at the baby during our "go to sleep" routine and I had to start over, I would have given a more then gentle reprimand. It would have been not pleasant at all. ESPECIALLY since mine was eating every 2 hours (like all babies do) and getting her to sleep took forever.

OP: I am sorry you felt put out that the parents of the baby were upset that you interrupted his new "go to sleep" routine. I wouldn't take it personally that they did not inform you ahead of time that they were trying something new. It was probably the last thing on their sleep deprived minds as they are adjusting to having a new member of their family. I know at that stage of new parenthood, I was not thinking of others feelings as a priority over what my needs with a newborn were.

I am sure that by the time you are participating in care, the parents will have the baby on a better sleep schedule and you need not worry about this scenario playing out again.

New parents have their own ideas.
We are considered old fashioned. Don’t put the child up the chimney or down the mines.
How did our children survive?
You are to be entrusted with their precious baby. It’s their way or you will never be trusted again.
I often have to bite my tongue. The alternative is not worth thinking about.
Congratulations on being a granny. Enjoy and bite your tongue.

A cat can look at a queen.

Apparently not in these strange times.

I'd say not too get too upset. First time parents usually find it a stressful time. My daughter in law had some weird and wonderful ideas. My own mum told me not too worry that when she got to number two plus, she'd just be pleased to let someone take over. That was absolutely true. I asked my daughter in law if there was a certain way she'd want me too do something and she said 'no, you'rerthe one looking after them. I know they are in good hands'. Things will settle down and change. Just enjoy your grandson