Struggling with friendships.

If you are Facebook - there is a group for everything!
Walking groups are popular and varied age range there.

I totally understand your dilemma, I’m 66 but look and feel 56, so I’m told. Im not ready for the knitting clubs etc that go with retirement. My mind is to young and active to succumb to those. Looking at my friendship group I’m lucky I have 3 friends that are on my level. We fit in with 40-50s age group better than our own. We are not mutton dressed as lamb it’s our teenage granddaughters that keep us young and up to the minute with what’s going on.

I am ten years older than you, and we moved to a different part of the country upon retiring, which hasn't made getting to know new people easier.

However, that said, I have noticed since my late forties, that the older we get, the harder it becomes to make friends, and the longer it takes. There are also "false starts" where it seems to get ages to get anywhere. But persevere - sooner or later you will find yourself getting to know one or two congenial people.

I would suggest you keep up with one or two of the "older" groups - I imagine that in a year or so, there will be more of your own age-group retiring and joining some of these activities.

But, please do make it firmly and politely clear to those "old" ones who are taking advantage of you, that this is just not on.

You are justified in pointing out that you are neither a taxi service, nor a messenger service, and that you are no richer than they. Say right out, that you cannot afford to pay for their coffee or lunch - you can only very occasionally afford to eat out yourself, and that if you drive them anywhere, they will need to pay the cost of the petrol.

This will soon stop them. Just because you are younger than they is no reason why you should oblige with these services.

Do British chemists no longer deliver to the elderly, housebound, or those who cannot walk far?

If you really want to be helpful, but I personally would hestitate to offer even this help, offer to help them check on the internet what services are available to those who cannot easily walk to the doctor's etc. in your area.

What about the female friends you had before you stopped working full-time? Is there no possibility of seeing some of them once in a while for a good natter?

I found it really difficult when I moved until I joined a life drawing class and met loads of people of different ages.. also agree with others re Meetup and U3A. you could also try walking groups, yoga and buddhist groups for diverse new friends ... but I also think that it is much more difficult to make new friends as one gets older, especially as people often have established friendship groups. you will probably have to make the advances and keep at it.. worth it in the end

Join the WI ! I joined aged 64 made new friends a bit younger than me! We have book group, garden group, etc! Has days out, holidays together etc There are always off shoots and not all groups are jam and Jerusalem ! Can recommend !!

Msdaisy

I’m desperate for some advice please… I’m 61 married to dh who works from home. I’m semi retired do a lot of volunteering in different areas. I’ve struggled to make friends with similar mindset to me. I seem to attract older friends who just take advantage such as expecting me to pay for lunches, pick up and drop off take to medical appts etc. I know I’m in my 60’s but I’m young in mind and body I go to gym, run cycle etc but any groups Ive tried such as walking, crafts, are generally old ‘older’ people if you get my drift. I recognise I’m withdrawing more and with winter coming I’m not sure how I’ll get through it. My dh is understanding but he has a busy job and has limited time for leisure and I need female friends really. I’d welcome any similar experiences and support thank you

Parts of this could be me writing it.
I took an early retirement from the NHS to care for my mum who had Alzheimer's. She died in 2019. Since then, although I keep active, most of my circle of friends are much older than me. I've been a WI member for nearly 9 years (joined because mum wanted to and I've stayed a member). I'm the youngest there by a long way, our oldest member is 95.
As mentioned, others my age are still working but I don't think 'true' friendships are formed at work.
So I'm on the lookout for new friends all the time

Msdaisy - how about looking for volunteering opportunities with large organisations which have paid staff too so that when you're doing your volunteering you're mixing with a wide range of people through the generations and much more likely to meet like-minded people to socialise outside of the organisation with. Another possibility is to volunteer to work with refugees. That type of work involves you in the family life and while you won't be going out for coffee outside of your time in the 'job' you will definitely make friends.

MissAdventure

It is easy to slip through the net with friendships, I've found.

I don't fit into any particular group, comfortably.

I'm old enough to be the school mums mother, have to ensure I'm around to look after a teen.
Plus I have no interest in social activities such as pubs and clubs.

#measwell! I was always a bit of an individual character which was fine while working but in retirement I find that women my age and younger are so......old!! It's as if they can't wait to 'go grey' and wear sloppy cardis! I still don full Warpaint may e 4days out of seven and have smart wardrobe that I actually WEAR , I don't know what's up with retirees? Waiting for the bitter end? Not me, I'm not exactly living a happy life but feel privately smug when I look at the offerings when I'm out and about , scruffy badly coiffed and generally gronky old women, some I know for a fact are well younger than me and just a little older, I have acquaintances and that's enough for me. Friends can be so limiting , think yourself lucky you e got your health and can pick and choose acquaintances, your DH sounds a darling, on your side and doing a great job supporting you, I less you crave company, just go with the flow, you're not missing that much, I joined a choir, have a great time and a laugh but always on my terms, were friends but just at choir! Try it ! Seek out a 'Magic Voices ' choir in your area, they're great! ?

Hi perhaps you could join Oddfellows they are a friendly organisation and very welcoming too. Does your local council run classes for over 55s as our here do Yoga, Exercise classes etc.

We have a Men's Shed in our town where they meet up for coffee, have days out, etc and now the ladies have started a Hen's Shed. It all began on a site called Nextdoor and you can find local walking groups, book groups, etc on it if there's one in your area. Even better, you start one yourself on it, you would be surprised how many others are looking for friendships.

U3A is worth investigating.

Juicylucy

I totally understand your dilemma, I’m 66 but look and feel 56, so I’m told. Im not ready for the knitting clubs etc that go with retirement. My mind is to young and active to succumb to those. Looking at my friendship group I’m lucky I have 3 friends that are on my level. We fit in with 40-50s age group better than our own. We are not mutton dressed as lamb it’s our teenage granddaughters that keep us young and up to the minute with what’s going on.

Wow! What a judgemental post.

Most groups that meet in the day 'go with retirement', as younger people tend to be at work. It's not a case of 'succumbing' to knitting, either - I have knitted since the age of 7, throughout teenage and young womanhood, and never found that it affected my activity levels or youthful outlook . I don't have teenage grand-daughters, but don't really need other people to keep me 'up to the minute', as I have a mind of my own, and have never been 'mutton dressed as lamb' either - I dress for myself, not to convince myself that I look younger or to fit in with the people I know.

If you don't fit in with people of your own age, could it be because you so clearly look down on them and make assumptions about their outlook and interests, which are likely to be as varied and wide-ranging as those of any age group? If you start to see them as likely to be 'on your level', you might find that they are willing to accept you as a friend. I am younger than you, and also have friends of mixed ages - that's not at all unusual. It works both ways though, and your younger friends may well be using you as an example of how well they tolerate older people in their lives.

I too was going to say look for an NWR group in your area. They tend to be small groups of people who meet in each others homes. They are not cliquey like WI as the groups are smaller. I have made lasting friends in our group. We have fortnightly meetings in the evenings and also have a walking and a lunch group.

Have you thought of joining your local MeetUp group. You will find a mix of ages. Also a varied selection of things to do...something for everyone ?

Almost everyone I went to school with, in this area, is still working full time. I have my fingers crossed that one or two of them will maybe want to meet for coffee.

It is a dilemna, OP, and hobbies sometimes need to be planned for, when we are newly retired or have combined it with moving to a new area.

I have done a couple of writers talks via Zoom, the last two winters. I’ve met a couple of new friends by doing an Interfaith online course.

This winter I am also taking part as a lay person in medical research.

I hope your journey is fruitful.

I've not read through all the suggestions , but have you thought about seeing if your area has a WI ? Some have a mixed age group . I'm the same age as you and I'd say in the group of 50+ members of the one I'm in , at least 70% of us are around the same age of younger .
We don't talk about jam making or sing Jerusalem as most WI' s have moved away from that . Many also have sub groups that reflect any activity that interests it's members. For example in my one we have a book group , netball, a theatre group , a social group ( coffee meet up , bowling , pub lunches ) and those are around 6 -12 women that will take part . You can join in monthly or just now and again , whatever suits.

Almost everyone I went to school with, in this area, is still working full time. I have my fingers crossed that one or two of them will maybe want to meet for coffee.

This is the crux of the issue, I think. Maybe you would be better to look for things happening in the evening, when there is more of a choice, and see if you make friends there who are also available during the day? In my own experience, NWR, U3A and similar groups are predominantly used by older people, but evening classes and so on are more mixed.

I hope I'm not repeating what has already been said, as I admit to having skimmed the messages quite quickly.

What about the U3A?
Yes - that's short for University of the 3rd Age, so its members are older, but it comprises groups with particular interests that meet regularly.
In my area we have about 40 groups , each set up by a member who is interested in a particular activity. They range from a Ukelele group, Scottish Country Dancing, several Book groups, languages from French to Latin, Astrology, Dog walking, Rambling, Scrabble , Mahjong, Bridge ,Science, Crafts, and a Lunch Club etc. Oh and we have a variety of day Coach trips available each year, visiting interesting places
As you can see, the range is very wide and there's no need to be put off by the word university. Anyone can set up a group about anything, as long as they can get others interested.
It's a national organisation so if you google it you should be able to find a branch near you and hopefully you might find a group or two that interest you. Shared interest makes age irrelevant!!

Another WI member here, maybe look for a WI group that meet in the evening as they are more likely to have younger members. And as others have mentioned Meet up is a good idea.
www.meetup.com/

U3A have everything and anything you would like.
We’re not all ancient and you make great , like minded friends in the different groups. It’s great!

Meet up is a great way to meet people and make friends if similar age and interests ..

I moved from West Sussex after 20+ yrs to Hampshire 4 yrs ago and joined our local U3A. There are many interest groups, I belong to the Garden, Craft, Book (of which there are 4!) and recently joined the Day Trippers group. A

www.u3a.org.uk/join

Generic advice often suggests joining a group to broaden your social circle but I'd be more specific. Investigate groups that reflect your interests and meet in the evenings or at weekends. They are more likely to consist of a broader age range and, perhaps, a broader outlook. For example, our karate classes meet on weekday evenings and Saturday morning. Ages range from teens up to me! I'm the oldest there at 70 years. There are no cliques or factions due to age. We have a laugh as well as keeping fit and flexible and enjoying knocking seven bells out of each other! (Gross exaggeration! ?) A few of us have a coffee after class on Saturdays. Here in our village there's a quilting group, broad age range, meets on a Saturday. There's a local history group, weekly yoga class, badminton, carpet bowls, photography and more, all within walking distance. There's a lot more further afield. If nothing else, it gets you out of the house.

Whatever you do, I'd advise you to avoid coming across as needy, or worse, desperate!

I think finding a friend, as opposed to an acquaintance, is a bit like finding love.

Have you got a University of the Third Age in your area? They have all sorts of activities and organise theatre trips or visit museums, art galleries, stately homes etc. You can learn a language. Friends of mine belong to one, they are young 65-ish and have a whale of a time. If ityoyr thing, another friend has joined a rock choir and has a really fun time with them. They go to lots of different places to sing or just for an outing.