What should I do about a long-standing holiday?

This is a dilema for you , however first and foremost you must put yourself and your husband first ! Your condition is paramount. I think your son and his family will understand and from what you say they have had a free holiday for some years now.
If they were to go without you they should at least know to leave the property clean and tidy!
You don't say how old your GS is but I gather he should be dry at night by now. This is just a suggestion, my GD was wetting the bed aged 6 years, little sister was dry at night from the age of two and a half. I persuaded my daughter to try an alarm , which I paid for. My DD was hoping she would grow out if it. However she was at age for sleep overs and school activity weekends were on the horizon! I purchased a bed wetting alarm for her called Chummy. It was miraculous!!! worked the first night by waking her , she went to the toilet and was dry in the morning. Took about two weeks to be fully successful, she now goes to bed ( without the alarm) at 7pm , sleeps 12 hours and wakes up dry - amazing , and money very well spent. She is off soon for a weekend away with school and is feeling very confident. I purchased the alarm from Amazon. My daughter explained to my GC what a chum was and said that her chummy alarm was her chum and was there to help her. It does of course depend on support and help from parents ie getting up to encourage the child when the alarm goes off but that is a small price to pay for dry nights.
Don't feel guilty about cancelling the holiday , you have been more than generous in the past. Look after yourself please .

I m very sorry for your condition and the fact you’re not feeling so good but I m scratching my head why an adult family can’t be trusted to be clean and tidy without you there

We had a bed wetting grandchild but we always used a waterproof under sheet, which we took with us You don’t say the child’s age but pull ups are helpful too and made for quite big kids giving him a night time wee are all temporary helps but there are many ways to get this sorted starting with a GP visit unless he’s very young and just a late starter

The fact that you ve taken them away on holiday for years and done all the housework yourself doesn’t sound right at all
What’s wrong with your son and daughter in law they should be looking after you and your husband it’s not your job to clean up after them and THEIR child

Send them on their own warning them that any damages or lack of cleanliness will be paid for by THEM

It doesn’t sound as if going on the holiday would be good for your health.

Would they be more careful if you booked the holiday in their name and explained that they would be responsible for paying for any damage and cleaning costs incurred?

It sounds like it may be stressful for you whatever happens as you will be worrying about the state the cottage will be in.

Maybe it’s time to sit them down and explain the holiday won’t be happening due to your health.You could always pay for a couple of days out for them if they can’t afford anything themselves.At least that way you won’t be worrying about the state they would leave the cottage in.

Also I agree with BlueBelle that your son and family should be looking after you now.

Wishing you well with your treatment?

Could you not go on the holiday and potter around and keep your skin covered? Ask your family to share the tasks and take a waterproof sheet and some spare bedding with you. Time with family is precious.

I agree with mumofmadboys making memories, along with taking things easy, definitely waterproof mattress cover and spare bottom sheets

Can you see the sea rfrom the house? can you sit in a window reading a book overlooking the sea?

There are lots of things you use to protect the bed from bed wetting. Encourage your son to look on a continence products website and get him to order some!

If you do decide to go, then you have to have a very clear talk
with your son and his family (including children), that they will be doing all the cooking, cleaning, childcare. Make it clear that you both are no longer fit to do any of that, but very much wish to ensure they and the children have a holiday that you can all enjoy.

Then you and your husband can just relax in the house, getting out as much as you feel able. Give it a go this year and if it doesn't work you will know never to do it again.

It sounds as though you would enjoy it more if you made the other adults do the running around and cooking and took bedding and a waterproof sheet with you for the GS.
If they can’t be made to do that, then you won’t enjoy it.
Sit them down this weekend and tell them exactly what you expect of them and if they can’t accept it then tell them you will have to cancel.
Then of course you and your DH will have to sit on your hands all week and refuse to do anything at all and just enjoy your time being looked after.
Does that seem a likely outcome ?
I sympathise with your predicament (for reasons I won’t go into on here) and you have to do what’s best for you.

Sorry Wildswan between writing my post I had to go out and move my car and then I made MrOops a cup of tea, by then you had posted the same advice!

There are several males of pyjama pants on the market, from expensive names through to supermarket own brands, maybe useful just for the duration of the holiday.

I think you need a chat with your family. Are they aware of all the work this holiday entails for you? If it was me I’d do this as I love being by the sea. I would sit by a window looking out with a book. I’m sure it would do you good but the family need to know they have to pull there weight in keeping the place clean and tidy etc. It’s your holiday too.

One of my daughters was a bed wetter Farawaygran and it is a problem when you are not in your own home. We used to take a waterproof mattress cover and the dreaded nylon sheets if we went away. It sounds to me as if you are already stressed and worried about this so I would be inclined to cancel. Your family obviously have different standards of cleanliness from you and I can imagine you will find this difficult if you are unable to help. Give your family some money towards a holiday and then you and your husband can have a weekend by the sea on your own.

Instead of renting a house could you perhaps have a shorter holiday and stay in a hotel? Your son, dil and gc could have a family room which would keep the price down.

If it were me I'd just tell them that I don't feel up to it (and neither does your husband) so they'll need to sort out their own holiday this year and not to depend on you in future. In fact, show them your opening post on this thread then they've no excuse (should they be using one) for not understanding the reality of the situation for you.

And tell them to get a (or a couple of) mattress-protecting under or over sheets – there are ones you put on top of the sheet which can be washed and dried easily. Saves changing the bed. Pull-ups might be a good idea too.

Seems to me you haven't yet explained the problems to them. It's time to do that.

Sorry to be so blunt but I would never have dreamt of letting my mum sort out such problems my kids had. It's ridiculous.

I would cancel. Right now you need to look after yourself first and foremost. It doesn’t sound as if you or your DH would enjoy the holiday at the moment. Your son and family should understand in the circumstances.

Re the bed-wetting, if anyone does go, I’d take a waterproof mattress cover, so at least nobody would have to worry about the mattress.
I invariably have one on the double-bed mattress Gdcs share when staying, since Gds is not reliable at night - still wears a nappy but they can get sodden and leak!

Are the walks you mention suitable for a wheelchair ? You can obtain one on loan from Red Cross or ask your GP about an NHS one if your mobility is affected. I know it may not be your first choice - it wasn’t mine - but at least it would get you on the holiday and able to join in. Re- the bed wetting. There are disposable bed pads available to buy which can be used either under the sheet or directly under your GS, as they are a soft cotton like layer on top of the waterproof backing, so suitable for direct contact - available from Boots among other retailers.

Cancel.
This is time now for you and to do something to suit yourself, not having to consider other folk even beloved family members.
Have a restful break perhaps a weekend for two somewhere and relax.

Why not go to a holiday park like Center park or similar they offer various types of accommodation and you could get one that includes cleaning services.

Alternatively stay in a hotel, somewhere with a view, where you can, if you want, sit in a nice lounge with a panaoramic view over the sea, while the rest of the family go to the beach,

Search online for disability friendly holidays. These usually feature wheelchair accessible and similar properties, but they will probably include cleaning services and have a restaurant in the complex or nearby.
I am sure there is some solution possible.

Why not go with just your husband? Tell your son and family you are too ill to have the stress of a family holiday.
Having been through chemo and immunotherapy, I understand how the side effects can make one feel. I had no hair last year when I went camping but had numerous lovely hats to wear, the big brimmed one was ideal for keeping the sun off. I have a sun umbrella that attaches to my folding chair for extra protection.
It was just so wonderful to get away for a week having been shielding for so long. Husband and son were brilliant pitching my tent, they are not naturals!!

Cancel, give your son some money Git a short break and do save some for yourself so you can have a break when you are feeling better. It’s time to look after yourself.

Has you son applied for a disability living allowance for the child. This will help towards replacing bedding. Also the alarm should be free on NHS. My granddaughter was a bed wetter until a teenager. Her GP and consultant were very supportive. It is more common than we think.