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Christmas

Am I wrong to feel hurt about this?

(163 Posts)
Growing0ldDisgracefully Tue 28-Dec-21 13:19:40

A friend and I each year, give each other a little parcel of a small inexpensive gifts, eg a scarf, maybe a book or a little kit to make craft items, and sometimes the odd find from a charity shop. What I'm trying to say is, it's not about giving and receiving expensive gifts, just trying to give small thoughtful gifts.
This year one of the gifts from this friend was a box of tea, with a use-by date of 2003! Yes that's right folks, 18 years past the use-by date. I could have laughed that off as probably a charity shop buy done without the benefit of her specs at the time, albeit I did feel a bit hurt by it but trying to be positive maybe I can find a use for the box itself for something else.

However, what has been the real Christmas cracker is that she has messaged me to say one of the other gifts was not for me, and can she have it back.

Of course I shall return it, but just wondering how to approach this and what the collective wisdom on here would advise? I don't want to spoil the friendship over it, but I do feel pretty hurt by it.

And, so as not to make this a whingeing thread, how about other Gransnetters posting about humorus presents they've given or received, or ones that have had people scratching their heads? Come on, give us all a giggle!

FarNorth Tue 28-Dec-21 13:29:12

Perhaps you friend is starting to have memory problems?

kircubbin2000 Tue 28-Dec-21 13:35:48

Last year I got the beauty gift set from dils mil that I had given dil the year before. This year she has given me an unusual foreign gift set that I'm nearly sure my other dil gave dil last year.

kircubbin2000 Tue 28-Dec-21 13:37:10

On re reading mil should be dils mother.

BlueBelle Tue 28-Dec-21 13:41:50

I wouldn’t have even thought of looking for a sell by date I bet the tea is just as good now as then ( I sent one of my friends a special tea caddy with tea) never thought of looking at any sell by dates you ve got me thinking now !!!

Kate1949 Tue 28-Dec-21 13:44:06

My sister was given an intriguing wrapped box by a colleague one year. It turned out to be a box of tissues. Just an ordinary box, not one of those tissue holder things.

SkyBird Tue 28-Dec-21 13:45:59

One Christmas my Mil gave me a bottle of bath gel. It had 99p for two printed on it. I received just the one bottle.smile

Georgesgran Tue 28-Dec-21 13:46:36

My SiL is a law unto herself and must shop with her eyes shut. My birthday card was for a 75th when I was 70 in March. I’m also aware that if she doesn’t like what someone has asked for - she’ll ignore it and get them something she likes. I was grateful she’d taken notice and gave me a bottle of Obsession perfume, but on examination it’s Obsession for Men!

Daisymae Tue 28-Dec-21 13:47:57

My DiL is an organiser of school functions. I attended one and won the first raffle prize. Turned out it was a gift that I had given DiL for Xmas - cost over £40. To avoid embarrassment I took a cheapy box of chocs instead. The lady sitting next to me won my ex-gift and for the rest of the afternoon dropped big hints regarding my chocs, but of course I couldn't exchange although it would have A) been a bargain B) made everyone happy!

TillyTrotter Tue 28-Dec-21 13:48:07

Re-gifting is a bit like telling lies. Only do it if you have a reliable memory.
First time I have heard of someone asking for a gift back Growingold.
When MIL’s memory failed she offered me a bed jacket I had bought for her a month before (she had said she would like one).
She said she didn’t know who had bought it for her but she would never wear it. ?

EllanVannin Tue 28-Dec-21 13:48:51

Give her the tea bags back,hahahahaha.

Kate1949 Tue 28-Dec-21 13:49:41

I had a friend like that Georgesgran. She would say 'Let's go into town and you can choose something for your birthday.'. When I picked something out, she would say 'I'm not buying you that. I don't like it'.

hellymart Tue 28-Dec-21 13:52:07

I wouldn't feel hurt by it, I would just laugh it off. Perhaps, as others have said, your friend is getting a little forgetful or distracted these days. Not worth losing a friendship for, is it? And the tea might be fine!

Aveline Tue 28-Dec-21 14:01:31

A dear elderly friend sent a Christmas card with a note saying, 'Please give the children £10 each.' Fair enough, but no cheque was enclosed!

Kate1949 Tue 28-Dec-21 14:02:48

These are very funny!

VioletSky Tue 28-Dec-21 14:11:17

My MIL once gave me a single pair of socks, mens socks, from a multipack lol

Peasblossom Tue 28-Dec-21 14:13:47

My ex-Mil was unhappy that we lived in a big city rather than the country. She bought for the life she would like us to have.

A chestnut sapling comes to mind.

And a horse blanket ?

BlueBelle Tue 28-Dec-21 14:15:21

My granddaughter bless her once bought her mum a birthday card that said Happy Birthday to my mother in law she was about 14 at the time ??

nandad Tue 28-Dec-21 14:15:40

One year we bought friends very expensive contemporary salt and pepper mills, that we really liked, for Christmas. When they opened their present, the husband turned around and said “we’ve got some of these”. Theirs were plastic and from Tesco’s!
Another year, same couple, amongst their gifts was a serviette holder, again quite contemporary. Few days later the husband rang and asked what it was, when we explained he told us it was far too complicated and they had taken it to the charity shop!
They did however like the Spode wine glasses we gave them a couple of years ago, although they seemed to think that they were given to them by a friend who was having a clear out!
We now buy them food hampers.

62Granny Tue 28-Dec-21 14:20:53

I was going to say return the tea as well as the item she has asked for saying something like " I am sure you didn't mean to buy this but it is out of date perhaps the shop you purchased it from will exchange it" it will give you some satisfaction rather than brooding on it. I would not worry about upsetting her as if she was worried about upsetting you she would not have asked for her miss -given gift back and purchased / gifted another .

Shelbel Tue 28-Dec-21 14:21:55

from a rather well off friend I received a watch that I know was a free gift (she told me about it a year ago) and the battery was flat.

Kate1949 Tue 28-Dec-21 14:23:20

When my husband was a boy, he bought his mum some sanitary towels for Mother's Day. He could only read the word 'towels' so assumed they were towels for drying hands.

FarNorth Tue 28-Dec-21 14:31:03

My mum got a free gift of a canteen of cutlery, from a supplier to my parents' grocery shop.
She sent it to her sister in Canada for Xmas and got a very appreciative letter thanking her for her generosity - which caused her to feel a tiny bit embarrassed.

Forsythia Tue 28-Dec-21 14:32:53

I had a similar experience with a friend but it took me a while to realise she was regifting to me items that she’d been given while I was going out to choose something nice for her. Eventually we agreed not to do presents as ‘we both had everything we needed’. Problem solved!

25Avalon Tue 28-Dec-21 14:35:44

I don’t think tea has a use by date. Maybe a best before. During lockdown I unearthed in the far corner of a cupboard 2 packets of loose leaf tea, with sell by dates going way back. Decided to use them and the tea was fine, so much so that I’ve switched back to loose leaf. Friend probably didn’t look for or notice the date. Maybe she should take it back to the charity shop and ask for a refund grin