Stunned by daughter’s actions. Advice needed please.

Agree that you should not be your daughter’s messenger. Let her do her own dirty work.. Instead emphasis through actions just how much your granddaughter and her children mean to you. Love comes in many forms.

But she in undoubtedly going to be very hurt. When the truth of the matter becomes clearer to her, you might well have to sit down with your granddaughter and provide a listening ear and support.

I have been estranged from my toxic mother for over 40 years, when my children were little she never even sent them as much as a birthday card, they grew up knowing she wasn’t a nice person and never once expressed a desire to meet her.
In fact they met her once as teenagers in a family funeral and commented later that they were pleased she had never been in their lives.
Hopefully your granddaughter will in time realise herself that both she and her children may be happier without her mother in their lives, I can appreciate how hurtful this probably is for you though.
Like I used to, your granddaughter may be yearning for a mother she will never have, hope I’m not speaking out of turn
Sending you hugs ?

You GD is "involving" you by asking you to lie.

Tell her you wont get involved. You wont bring the subject up with GGD. But if GGD ASKS a question you will tell the truth

Sorry Grannytomany I posted to quick and wanted to add,
But at least she has you and you sound very close to her probably a replacement mother, who she is lucky to have.

I don't really have any advice, I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are in such an awful position. I don't think I will ever truly understand why some mothers can't love their children, let alone treat them so poorly on top. She has you and will know she is loved and I think that is about all you can do. You can't change your daughter sadly, that would have to come from her x

First, so happy GD got a job offer she's excited about! IMO, it's a good call on your part not to burst her "happy bubble" right now. No doubt, she'll figure things out for herself, eventually, anyhow.

Second, you tell me there haven't been any recent issues between D and GD, or at least, "no more than the usual." I was going to say that maybe D didn't want to deal w/ the "usual" anymore and that's why she's backing away. But then you told us about her pulling away from other family members, too. Sounds like something is going on w/ her (perhaps related to her mental health issues, perhaps not) that you may not even know about. Seems like it is more about her than anyone else. I'm so sorry. Especially given the time of year, etc. Hugs!

my grown daughter and i had an argument recently and i told her that i love her but sometimes i really don’t like her for the things she has done in the past (dating married men, marrying a man so his family would pay for her college( she told me she married him for the “end result-money”. she now has a new husband who is wonderful but will not allow him to have his boys from a previous marriage visit him. After our argument she said she wants nothing to do with me. I believe she is afraid i will share her past with her new husband. I was not allowed to participate in her 40th birthday party (i ordered a cake and bought the decorations). yesterday i was going to walk my dog and asked if my 5yo granddaughter could join us. She said, in front of her husband that i was unstable and she did not trust me to be around my GC. i have always loved my grandchild and would never let anything happen to her. i have never been so hurt as to being called unstable. i don’t know what to do