1st my son and now my grand as well

I heard your cry. I feel your pain.

withouther I hear you. You CAN do another Christmas, you can find new meaning, please don't give up. Please call the Samaritans to talk and to find understanding and help with dealing with your pain Telephone: 116123 any time of day or night.

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/

and here is a link ⚘

That is so hard and all I can say is to try to fill your life with other things. That young lady is an adult now and I am sure one day she will look back and realise what you have done for her. She is spreading her wings and really all you can do is let her go with your blessings. Hate is a strong word, perhaps she just needs her space ? At that age many do.

You are obviously in great pain . It has been suggested you ring Samaritans and I advise you to do that today. Or speak to your GP and see if you can be referred to a counsellor, seeking help must be your priority. I wish you well.

That is heartbreaking for you, I cannot imagine the pain of this estrangement and I send you my best wishes for a peaceful Christmas. I think you need to know that you did all you can, and she will make her way back to you in her own time.
My only experience with estrangement was with my best friend of more than 30 years who cut me out of her life, and the pain was simply horrendous, the worst I have ever experienced.
So I truly understand the pain of estrangement, but not of a close family member.
Please take care of yourself and know that life will get better.
Philippa

Hate is such a strong word. I feel your distress and am sure your gd does not hate you but as an adult she is doing what all children do. They grow up and become independent.
You are hurting now , maybe you have been so close she needs to push harder but she will always know she wax loved,
Sometimes we are so invested in our children it makes it harder when they start to separate from us but it’s what they all need to do. We did it too but possibly were a bit kinder,
Don’t be hurt, she is young and finding her way,
She will need you in future if you have been close. In the meantime get involved with your own interests and maybe speak to someone you trust.
I wish you well.

You have made the first move by writing down your feelings so please talk to your Dr/Samaritans and tell them exactly what you have posted.
I feel for you and know you must be missing your GD so much keep getting in touch with her if you know where she lives and let her know your door is always open for her.
I wish I could give you a hug and hope things get better for you

Others have said what i would say, so I will not repeat it, except to say that young people often turn against everything that supported them, around the age of your grand daughter, especially those who love them best, but it doesn't last, within a few years they come back to the love that helped them so much as a child.

WithoutH3r you have done so well in helping raise a young independent adult. You’ve always been there for her. She is seeking her own way as young people do and you have enabled her to do so. Be proud of yourself and her. The downside is that she needs to find her way alone for a bit. I am sure she will be back. It is extra difficult for you as being estranged from your ds you are understandably afraid the same thing is happening with your dgd. This intensifies the rejection, pain, and anger. If it feels unbearable please ring Samaritans as other posters suggest and we are always here for you on GN. Feel the love. You take care.

Dear WithoutH3r, you are so very much not alone in your feelings or in being estranged. Many on here share that terrible pain with you and this time of year when everyone else seems part of a happy family makes it so much worse. Those happy faces are often very false though and hide a lot of unhappiness.

We are a family on GN and you are one of us. There’s always a friend on here at all times of the day and night, many lonely and needing someone to talk to. Do come on here and share your feelings and get some comfort from your friends here.

I was suicidal many years ago and found the strength to go to my GP. If you phone and mention severe depression you will, like I did, get immediate attention. My GP prescribed anti depressants and as soon as they kicked in I felt so much better. Please do what I did and also get support from the Samaritans who are wonderful people and really listen. They are there 24/7 even on Christmas Day which is an unhappy day for so many. Another source of support and comfort on GN is the Black Dog Gang. All ‘members’ suffer depression and/or anxiety and are hugely supportive of one another. Some post daily, others like me just pop in from time to time.

You can get through this I promise. You can get back from the edge of that abyss and find happiness again. When you do, may I make a suggestion which might sound very silly and useless to you today but I promise it’s not. If your accommodation permits, get a pet. They give unconditional love, listen to what you need to say and give you the best reason to get up in the morning. I have a dog and I can’t tell you the love and happiness she gives me. Of course a pet can’t replace a much loved person, but they can heal a troubled soul.

Please do come back and talk to us, you are one of us and not alone or unwanted.???

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Bless you. I felt so sad to read your post, but it sounds like you have given your granddaughter a real step up. Loved and cared for her when she most needed it, and been blessed by having this tiny person grow and blossom into the young woman she is now, and been with her all the way.

You should be applauding yourself, not beating yourself up. She is 21. An adult. Let her go....and chances are she’ll fly back.

There’s obviously a lot in the background here. Yet you still managed to have so much input in your granddaughter’s life. Take solace in that...and start to live your own.

I agree with Onstrike, it might be that your granddaughter feels smothered by your love and is distancing herself to have the freedom to make her own way in the world. For me, this happened when my children went to University and only came back in the holidays. Although having three children, I was probably not as focused on each one as you were to your granddaughter. It’s quite likely that if you give her some space, she will begin to appreciate what you have done for her in the future.

I suggest you stop trying to contact her for a while, give her time to find her own way in the world and when she does contact you, be very cool, calm and welcoming without tears or excessive emotions. It’s going to be tough for you so take the advice of others and find some hobbies or other opportunities to fill your time.

I wish you all the best and the strength to get through this difficult time, you must still be there for your granddaughter when she is ready to seek you out.

I have 4 adult children and they all went through a phase of finding their independence. At this time they can pull away from you so that they find their own way.
Feel proud of yourself for enabling her to be an independent adult. She doesn't hate you she just doesn't need you around as much now.
Be patient. She will come back. Stop looking for her and start to look after yourself and get the help you need. ?

So sorry you are in such pain - l
Please get help, don't be ashamed of it

I agree with other posters about the language used.
With the limited information we have, you describe her as a little child who cannot provide for herself.
To call her broken is also an little unkind. Is she aware you think of her as broken?
Loving too much is also not a good thing.

She is 21. You did your job and she will be ok

Give her space.

I'm so sorry you are in this sad situation.

Please do as others have suggested and get yourself some help and support.

Please also be careful what you say to your granddaughter if you reach out because I think what you have said in your post would just keep pushing her away.

She is an adult now, she will find her own path in life

I'm so sorry, I read your post and found it heart breaking

Young people can often change their minds radically as they progress down life's path and you could find, just as she seems to be off you at the moment a few years down the line in the light of gaining more experience and maturing, she may well be a different person altogether. You seem to be in the dark as to what has triggered her antipathy to you, possibly nothing you've done and she's lashing out because you have been so close and in the firing line. "Hate" is a strong word and often used in a throw away way by the young, merely to express some sort of dissatisfaction.

I hope in time she comes back to you, in the meantime be kind to yourself x

What do you mean when you said she 'began her quest to hate you" 18 months to 2 years ago? Are you sure she isn't just establishing some independence. My kids all wanted to be very independent at that stage and certainly didn't want my opinion on anything.

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Onstrike
I have reported your post. That’s a disgraceful thing to say to someone who is clearly in distress.

At 21 she has to make her own way and you must let her go if you love her. If you don’t speak with her she might be living the life she wants and be happy and sorted, you say her parents neglected her so surely she deserves it., Make your life good for you, no one owes us anything. You might need counselling as you seen to be dwelling on things you would like to be different and can’t change, you owe it to yourself to make a new life. Perhaps all that love you have might be used in a voluntary capacity, there are so many who would welcome you with open arms.

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Sorry * Madgran77* it is for the onstrike.