More pain for long distance Grandparents

Oh dear I am so sorry, Hopefulnanny, we too have grandchildren far away, in the States. I know how hard it is when you don't get to see them.
The only thing I would say is never say anything in anger which could cause a rift. Give it a bit of time and then maybe you could suggest to your daughter you could perhaps go sooner than Christmas.

I'm sure your daughter has no idea how hurt and upset you are, hopefulnanny - she's probably just trying to include you as much as possible in the circumstances, knowing that travelling as a family is difficult for you. It must be disappointing that your grandson won't be here for his first birthday, but at least you will see both of them, and why not celebrate early anyway? Don't you think Christmas in Australia would be wonderful? The new baby will only be 7 months old...

hopeful - I am so sorry to read of your disappointment. Like janeainsworth, my grandchildren live in the States, and it can be really difficult at times to maintain an up-beat and positive attitude. Ana makes some really good points. Christmas would be lovely, but it is probably the most expensive time to travel, so earlier or even a little later might be better.
I didn't see my granddaughter until she was 6 months old, and it was a delight. I didn't feel I had missed anything at all and at that age they are very responsive.
I've just spent a crazy 10 mins. on Google Hangout (an alternative to skype) - and it was lovely just to see their (very grubby) faces!
I try not to feel resentment against the big Italian family that all live close by - but I must admit there are times it creeps in! I try to maintain the attitude that it is as it is and know my grandchildren are lucky to have them around.
Take care

Hopeful - you can hardly blame your SiL for prioritising his parents who must be equally eager to be with their grandchildren. Your DD probably thinks she is being considerate to you because of your travelling difficulties and at least she is coming to stay (although travelling with a lively baby poses quite challenge) albeit too soon for the baby's birthday. An early celebration would be all the same to him as babies don't know about birthdays even if you do. Lucky boy could have two celebrations! And Christmas with the two wee ones will be such fun. Surely your DD thinks it will be a real treat for you. Something to look forward to

A big hug for you hopeful it is really tough isn't it.

Ditto Jess - that says it all.

hopeful there will be lots of gains from seeing the baby when he or she is a few months old, but meanwhile have you got Skype so you could look in and see how things are going? It is tough, I know

hopeful Another baby – that's great news.

There are always going to be problems, sadness and mistakenly hurt feelings when families live half a world away from each other. I visited my daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren, aged two and three, in New Zealand for Christmas in 2005, staying for three months. I didn't see her again until 2010 when she and her husband, plus two younger children, aged two and three, visited us. I then visited earlier this year to share the care when a new grandchild came along in March. The others were 10, eight, five and just coming up to four.

I expect your daughter will be delighted to see you whenever it is possible for you to travel to visit. I suspect that she suggested Christmas because that is such a family time. I would go ahead and celebrate your grandson's birthday – or unbirthday – anyway when they visit next year. I threw a huge family and friends party when absentdaughter and first baby grandson visited – it doesn't have to be a birthday.

hopeful it sounds as if your DD has thought this out, I think that I would be grateful that she is prepared to travel such a long distance while pregnant and with a little one too. By offering you Christmas too she thinks she is offering the ultimate family celebration. I would just be happy to accept and do not make waves, may not work in your favour.

hopeful I agree with harrigran. It is tough when families live so far apart and especially when there are other concerns which affect getting together more often. Try not to feel too angry, look forward to the upcoming visit and get excited making plans to visit them in the Australian summer (got to be better than our winter )

I think I may be unusual, but I was the only grandparent of my first eight grandchildren, as my ex showed no interest in his children or gc, and the fathers' parents dropped their gc after relationships split up. When my older daughter finally married her young husband, his parents welcomed her four children with open arms. I was absolutely delighted that they would have grandparents living close to them and never felt a twinge of jealousy. Sadly, their other nana is now suffering from Alzheimer's but they have lovely memories of her. My daughter's DIL is close to her own father and step-mother and as they live close they see them often. She has to keep in touch from NZ on Skype, etc. She is also very glad that her gc have loving grandparents close to them.
Regrettably, my other daughter is fiercely jealous of her daughter's in-laws, and tried to turn her against them. Luckily, my oldest grand-daughter realised how her mother was trying to drive a wedge between them (just as she has tried with me) and won't let it happen.
I spent last Christmas in NZ with my daughter and five of her six children, but this year she has suggested I leave it until February because flights will be cheaper and the school holidays will be over. I know her daughter's future in-laws are visiting for a few weeks over Christmas, and there would not really be room for all of us so it makes sense for me to go later. I shall be spending Christmas with my sister and her family.
Surely, the most important thing for all of us is that our children and gc are happy and healthy, wherever they are, and we must rejoice in the fact that they have other people who are loving and supportive of them.

Well said, Greatnan.

I agree with Greatnan - there is really no room for jealousy between sets of grandparents and it has the potential to drive a wedge between the parents who I am sure we all just want to support as much as possible.
Children are generous little souls until they learn to be otherwise and have plenty of love for all their grandparents