My daughter gave birth to my grandson when she was 15. There was no paternal influence in her life. Due to her uncontrollable behaviour I could not cope as I had other children and she went into care. I still maintained contact with her every weekend. She then set up Home with someone else and had two more children. Even now she complains that she can't cope with them.When my grandson was 13 I she decided that she could not cope with him and he went to stay with my son for two years. He then went home again to his mother but this only lasted a few weeks. She was threatening suicide and saying she could not stand his behaviour. I then offered to take him in with the intention of looking after him temporarily. My daughter has two other children at home who are both difficult and has a partner who is lazy, does not like her children and is it himself like another child. My grandson and her partner despise each other and therefore it would be impossible for them to live together. She gives her partner priority over her son. My grandson's father is in the picture, He works with him sometimes and but he is certainly not a role model and my grandson does not really like him very much. He has mental health issues He has nothing to do with his fathers side of the family.
I am almost 66 years old and want my freedom. My grandson has now lived with me for almost 3 years and I cannot stand it much longer. It is not that his behaviour is bad(It could be a lot worse) except for on occasions when he has anger issues. He makes a mess and leaves it for me to clear up, he comes in when he feels like it and wakes me up he is generally inconsiderate. He is very controlling and it will try to Control how I run my home. He is under the impression that he is going to be living with me until he is 21(He is now 16 and at college - when he actually goes). His argument is that I should not have let his mother go-ahead and have him at 15 and now I am paying the price as it is all my fault.
My other children are always saying that I should chuck him out but this is easier said than done. He will not obey any rules and has the attitude that he will do what he wants when he wants. He has never had any discipline. He cannot go back to his mother, he cannot live with his father so basically there is no one else. Do I really have to tolerate this for the rest of my life ? I do not want to live with a 16 year old teenage boy. I go away every so often to get away and feel that sometimes when we have had words, I do not want to go home. Can anybody give me any advice? What would you do?
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Do you try to keep childcare (fairly) equal between your grandchildren?