Daughter on verge of nervous breakdown

Think its par for the course, young children often dont s,leep well and life is hard with lack of sleep. Is your daughter on her own or is there a partner who could take responsibility and get up in the night even if only over the weekend or when he isnt working.
I am a poor sleeper so understand but perhaps you could still offer to have the baby for a sleepover, once in a while, after all you can catch up the following nights.
Many people go through this, its hard but it passes and there will Be a time when he will sleep through.

I can sympathise. My youngest never slept at night until he was around 3 years old. It is exhausting and you feel like you are sleep walking through life! I did find that mine slept better when we co slept together, at least it gave me a little more rest.
Does your daughter have a partner who could do a few nights to allow her some rest?

I don't have any answers as I never found with mine what the cause was, he just grew out of it.

Good luck, I hope that she manages to get some sleep soon xx

I'm sorry for you all victoria08 but as 8silverlining48* says it will pass and all you can do meantime is work in shifts around the problem. The HV may be able to advice of course re baby sleeping habits and routines that may help.

Poor girl, I wonder why she finds it difficult to rest when you so kindly take the baby for her?
Think a word with HV is the way to go.

There's no easy answer to this very common problem. Could she ask her health visitor for help and support.

Its all part and partial of being a mum isn't it not all babies are text book babies and sleep when they should do or when you expect them to,I have always said to my DD advice my mum gave me and it is to sleep when the baby sleeps what ever time of day and if you can't sleep just rest your body,the housework and other unimportant things can wait,can she not get out in the fresh air it may do the world of good,my eldest son never slept more than 2 hrs day or night until he was nearly 30mths old and we just had to get through it when he did start sleeping we still woke up expecting to hear him but he changed as soon as he went off to the Church Nursery and played with other babies.Good luck to you both

It is very wearing and I sympathise wholeheartedly. DD2 was another one who did not sleep properly for three years and, much against my better instincts, she slept between DH and myself.

Fast forward 33 years, and her daughter, my DGD, aged 6, makes a huge fuss about sleeping in her own bed. DD2 is at her wits' end as she is shattered working long hours and then being up half the night.

I have DGD with me most of the time and she sleeps with me as good as gold. I think she feels secure knowing someone is with her.

I hope your little GS settles down sooner than this. Ironically, when they are teenagers, it is hard to get them out of bed

This too will pass Victoria but its difficult at the time. I agree with glammanana, sleep or rest when the baby sleeps, take any opportunity to rest. Maybe you could help your daughter by doing some of the housework etc so she doesn't worry about sleeping in the day.
Good luck

I sympathise I really do but it is a perfectly normal phase I had three little people that didn't go through the night until they were between 3 and 4 it seemed never ending, and there was lots of bed hopping with me getting a couple hours with one or the other after that I looked after my Nan who had dementia and used to be up and down often in the night I found that although I felt washed out I adjusted to it and managed, maybe it will just take her time for her body to adjust to the ups and down nights and I totally agree teenagers are the complete opposite now my teenage grandchildren would stay in their pit all day if they were allowed

I've never had trouble sleeping, even if my kids did. But my sister caused my parents a lot of grief with not only not sleeping, but screaming through the night.

My father was a travelling salesman and probably had one or two near-miss accidents from exhaustion; he often told the tale that he once woke up at the wheel, safely parked in a a lay-by but he had no idea how he got there.

But this was the 50s and the doctor, seeing how exhausted and wan my parents were, gave them a sleeping tablet (barbiturates!) and told them to give her a quarter before bed. She finally slept through that one night, and thereafter they had no problems (they only gave her the pill the once).

No one would do that these days, but perhaps some mild form of sleeping draught would help. I often made my kids up an infusion of balm (called Melisse in German - we have loads in the garden, it's very nice and lemony) to drink at teatime.

I completely empathize with your DD Victoria08 as I was almost "pushed over the edge" by my DD when she was a baby. Born 4 weeks early she was a very small baby, although her lungs were very powerful indeed. From the minute she was born until well after her 1st birthday she hardly ever stopped screaming. She was permanently red faced, hot, damp and snotty. She (and I) barely slept and fed very badly often spending hours taking a tiny bit formula, only to throw the whole lot back up again, in a fountain of what seemed like gallons more than what originally went in, putting us both back to the beginning. My poor son (who was five when she was born often asked if we could get rid of her or send her away) I found it very hard to love her and seriously felt that throwing her and me off a tall building might be the only way to escape.

Sometime just after her second birthday she had two small operations. One was to remove a piece of membrane in her throat that had not broke completely at birth (which probably explained the inability to feed properly and the fountains of sick) and the other was to put grommets into her ears (she always had inflamed ears and earache) and after that she seemed to turn a corner and eventually grew up into the most lovely little girl (she's almost 32 now) and although I wouldn't wish her (as a baby) on my worst enemy, its a good job she was the second child because if she had been my first (I was a single parent at 18) it is entirely possible that I may have done something quite terrible.

One of my biggest mistakes during my DD's first horrible 2 years was not taking every opportunity (however short a time) to grab a nap. Instead on the rare occasions she did close her eyes I used the time to do bloomin' housework ! What for? I was a zombie but I had a tidy house. What an idiot I was.

As others have said, these times do pass and things will get better (although I appreciate it doesn't feel like that at the time). What is important is that your DD should seize every opportunity to sleep and to take every offer of help that is made. I do hope things get better soon, Its so sad when you can't enjoy your own baby .
Wishing your DD lots of for the future.

With so many of these sort of questions, I want to say 'talk to the Health Visitor'. They have sensible advice, offer support, a chance to talk things through, and have the experience to suggest referrals if such a problem seems like a symptom of something more serious.
But I rarely see any other posts suggesting this, so wonder if, with all the cuts, HVs are disappearing from the minds of ordinary families? I know that locally there is no 'drop in' baby clinic any more.

You ve obviously not read the thread nannatose as a number of posts have said talk to the HV

Our 7 year old grandson slept in his mum and dads bed for almost the first 3 years of his life. Now , on a nightly basis he gets into bed with them. He says he doesn't like sleeping alone ( funnily enough he does just fine in our house and has NEVER wandered out of his room . ) and in my opinion they indulge him.

They have a super king size bed , he's a little lad and they are just too lazy to get up and return him to his room. In his case I believe it's purely habit.

We've had discussions about his sleeping habits because I don't think they're doing him any favours .

I've found that all 4 of our grandchildren, even as infants , slept better at our house and I can only put it down to habit. We're firm and totally consistent. I think it's easier as we're not Mum and Dad.

My two children weren't great sleepers so I do understand and sympathise.

As others have said, it's par for the course - shouldn't lead to a nervous breakdown.

Is she a single mum with no support?

My oldest daughter didn't sleep through until over a year. Once I finally started giving her camomile lavender tea with honey in her bed bottle, she slept through. The others had a tea bed bottle much younger. Their teeth are strong and lovely, though I was niggled about teeth and honey instead of plain water.

I agree N& G, I'm not a fan of co-sleeping and think its a difficult habit to break. Not good for parents or children unless there are exceptional circumstances. Consistency is key to bringing up children, they need to know where they stand and of course that they are loved.

I believe one of the key things is to rest if sleep is I,possible, when the baby sleeps, whatever time of day. A friend used 'controlled crying' to help her baby sleep. It went on for months with the result the baby howled and the parents became increasingly stressed. It's a myth that Babis usually sleep through, as comments on this thread show.
Good bedtime routines, and calm reassurance, no lights and back into the cot asap. There are some great cd's with what I think is known as white noise, they helped with one of my grandchildren. This will change and it's good your daughter has you

The GP may be a good source of help and would involve the health visitor if needed

Toddlers not sleeping is I think much more comon than people realise. My son did not sleep a full night until he started playschool at three, if I was lucky I got 3 hours a night. My DD has three children and non have been good sleepers until they started school. My 14month old DGD is still only sleeping for 4hours if they are lucky and DIL has tried alsorts to try and help.
It is hard for young Mums when they talk to others who say their children sleep through, but things will improve eventually, and great that you can offer a few hours respite for a daytime nap.

Your DD sounds exhausted and I know how that feels. Our DD was non-sleeper almost from birth and she still doesn't need a lot of sleep aged 46. I mentioned at the 6 week check that she was awake from one feed through to the next and we were exhausted. Dr replied, 'Try keeping her awake when she wants to sleep.' Can't repeat what I thought.

It's important to check that there's no medical reason for the sleeplessness. When DD was 3 we were referred to the children's hospital and the specialist said, 'I often have to advise people that their child isn't like other children because they have something wrong. I'm happy to be telling you there is nothing wrong, your child just doesn't need sleep. Don't try to keep up with her, get sleep when you can.'

And that is the advice I'd give to your DD - to get sleep when she can. She might try bathing him in the morning if bathtime wakens baby up. We were fortunate as my in-laws would take her for an overnight and tell us to go home and get some sleep.

If he continues to need little sleep when he's older my honest advice is NOT to put him to bed for long hours on his own in his bedroom. DD should follow her instincts. We decided it was not good for our DD to be awake and alone for hours. Tell her to take no notice of people who think they know better telling her he should be put to bed and left to cry. Get him bathed and ready for bed, followed by story, singing, then play gentle music and he may nod off.

When she was 6 years old DD came home from school and when I called her she didn't answer. I found her asleep on her bed in her school uniform. I said she's ill. My ex said, For goodness sake! For once in her life she's gone to bed at the right time. She had measles.

Good luck to you and your DD that you find a solution.

Sound advice Ginny42. I do believe its harder for young parents now than it was for us and certainly for our parents. My adult children look horrified when we tell them that as babies we were put into huge prams, at the bottom of the garden, regardless of the weather and expected to either sleep or somehow entertain ourselves by watching the snow or the washing and exist on four hourly feeds.
We didn't follow those rigid rules and our own children are inundated with advice from the internet and other resources about the "right" way to teach their children to sleep, eat, play, etc. Of course, each baby is an individual and by the time we get to baby three, as I did, that is no longer a surprise to us. Also, we are less likely to blame ourselves if baby 3 to 7 doesn't sleep through by six weeks - as if!

My ds didn't sleep all night until he was 4 and at nursery. We tried every solution known to man and nothing at all worked! It's just as well he was the third and not the first-at least I knew it wasn't anything I was doing/failing to do. We used to have brief respites if he had a cold! He's still a night bird......well, he would be if his boys let him sleep! Karma.........

It is not for nothing that sleep deprivation is used for torture purposes!

It is tough and it all reminds me of my second DD whose children were the most appalling sleepers, and she spent several years with serious sleep deprivation. I have no brilliant suggestions (sorry!) but I do think it is to some extent the result of modern parenting - that makes me sound a right stick-in-the-mud!

All my children were sleeping through the night by about 6 months at least, because I used to do the nighttime cuddles etc, put them down and shut the door. Naughty me! I knew they were warm and well and fed and they had mobiles to look at and often soothing music too. If they cried when I left, I would just listen outside the door and assess whether their cry was pain or something serious or if they were just doing their "nightly wiffle" - they would gradually drop off with no trouble. They just learned that when in bed you go to sleep!

But all my children have stayed with their children until they fall asleep; whereas mine very quickly got used to the fact that you drop off to sleep by yourself.

I know that I may just have been lucky with my children, but I seriously do question this idea that you must stay with them till they drop off. It can go on like that for years; and for the OP's DD it is probably too late - she is used to a pattern of being stayed with and it is hard to break.

I see no signs that my DDs are in any way psychologically damaged by my nighttime routine. And it helped me to retain a modicum of sanity.