Sad times

How dare I suggest it? Because I live with it......

Something must have made him think that Saddee. Why don’t you ask him why he said what he did.

Sometimes it’s good for us all to take a good look at ourselves as we appear to others.

Eglantine21 ....I’m not a racist how dare you even suggest that..were you there when I’ve been with my grandson i have never discussed anything racist to him or anyone in my family why would I ..l guess I’ll close this conversation now ...but can I thank everyone for their help ...I’m sure myself and grandson will get there and we’ll sort things I’m sure .

The OP complains that he has been disrespectful on a number of occasions. The first one she highlighted was that he said she was being racist. She saw that as being disrespectful.

I don’t. She obviously expressed opinions that he strongly disagreed with. He spoke out. That was disrespectful.? He should have just let her carry on with her racist opinions because she’s his grandmother?

I note that even the OP says he doesn’t have these problems with his other grandparents.

She needs to look at what she has done to alienate him. If she wants things to improve. He wasn’t born disliking her.

I don't have adult grandchildren yet, but if I did, love them or not, I would probably avoid any further contact if they ever spoke to me like that in the scenario that the OP has described. The same goes for my adult children if they were to do it.

Any typical 23 year old is old enough to know what is unacceptable, and also how there are different standards for different generations. If someone has always treated them with respect, they should know never speak to them like that!

My own sons can be very rude to their father, my OH, but that is because he speaks to them like that too.
I would be very upset if they spoke to me the same way, but they never have, because I have never spoken to them in that way. They have always realized that it would be very wrong to speak to most people like that.

Times might be changing, but I would still expect the OP's grandson to 'know' and apply such social rules at his age.

I would like to think that if that had happened to me, I would have told him (afterwards perhaps if it was a group situation), in no uncertain terms, that it was totally unacceptable. However, as I hate confrontation, I would not find it easy.

It depends on how he said fuck off. Some young people do say it in a jokey way to one another. Did he say it in a confrontational, aggressive way?

It probably is an inappropriate way to speak to an older person who is not used to such language but it may not have been meant in the way you took it.

If you found it objectionable, you should have calmly said so at the time.

next time .he swears at you say BACK AT YOU... if not say ,thats not very nice thats very hurtful please dont speak to me like that. stand up for yourself.........he says these things because you are too soft with him. say if you cant say any thing decent ,dont say anything at all.

I think you should speak to your grandson about his bad language, especially when it is directed at you.

Brexit - I wouldn't discuss it with him.

I think that his behaviour is inexcusable. Telling his grandmother to f off?? As to alienating him, he has achieved that himself. I would distant myself from him and I would talk to his parents to explain why. There's probably more going on here too. I doubt that he is little lord fauntroy with his parents either.

Well if someone clearly doesn’t like your company basically you can go two ways.

You can say I don’t care, I’ll be who I am and he should accept that.

Or you can say, I’m obviously behaving in a way that he finds objectionable.

The OP can do either. But saying he’s a very rude young man, how dare he, without examining her own behaviour won’t change anything. It certainly won’t get her the close relationship she wants.

He said she was racist. Perhaps she was. Shouldn’t he speak out?

I really don’t think you need to ‘take a look at what irritates him’ as suggested by another poster. Who cares what irritates him. He is rude and disrespectful and shouldn’t be nasty to his grandmother. End of.

I’m uneasy with those who get other people to fire the bullets for them.

Yes namsnanny? What’s the face about? Is only advice you agree with allowed?

I’m sorry that grandson is so rude OP. He sounds like hard work.

However, going to his father will not improve your relationship and you may find it never recovers. If anyone should speak to him about how he talks to you, it needs to be you.

He is not a child.

Those of you who would go to his father just baffle me.

At 23 he's old enough to know better. When he speaks to you in a way that upsets you, tell him not to. Firmly. Don't pussyfoot around him.

He will have more respect for you if you show respect for yourself.

He is already alienated if he can speak to his grandmother like that. So what if he is irritated - he still shouldn't be so rude and nasty to his grandmother. Perhaps his father would be able to have a conversation with him and help him to understand how upset his poor grandmother is and how rude he has been. He will not get far in life if he thinks he can be rude to anyone who irritates him. Perhaps this should be pointed out to him by someone he will listen to- like his father.
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I’m with soda pop. He is an adult, albeit a rude one, and so is the OP. Why does she need someone to speak for her? There’s no need to go through someone else.

“Having a word with his father” is treating him like a little boy. It will alienate him. You’ll cause trouble between him and his parents. And maybe it’s that kind of dependency and manipulation of other people that gets on his nerves.

You won’t like what I’ve said OP and other people will jump on me but honestly I think you need to take a look at what it is that irritates him.

Don't understand why it is necessary to speak to the father. The grandson is an adult and should be told this is unacceptable behaviour.

If my grandson spoke to me like that he’d be told very firmly not to speak to me or anyone else like that. He is rude and at 23 he is not a child and should know better and yes have a word with his Dad and tell him it upsets you. Unbelievable behaviour from your grandson. He needs to learn respect.

MissAdventure is quite right. If any of my sons, at any age, spoke to anyone like that, especially their grandmother, I would want to know. This young man needs to know such rudeness will not be tolerated.

You are not a softie Sadee55. Anyone would be hurt by such an unkind comment.

Sunmerlive

I echo MissAdventure perspective.

I wouldn't see telling his dad as an opportunity to 'get him in trouble'.
I would see it as an opportunity for his dad to explain to him, man to man, that nobody speaks to HIS mum like that.

Wow everyone thank you for your wonderful and helpful views on my problem... I’m certainly going to think about everything you’ve all said and take something from all of you ...one thing most of you said was that the F word is used so much with young people I get that ..but I’ll explain,we’re all out having a lovely meal and couldn’t decide where to go next as we’re walking out I said to him where do you fancy going now love...he turned to me and said nowhere now F off ...now this was a while ago and still now I tear up writing it maybe I’m a softie...but that’s how I am ...sorry all for going on it’s nice just to tell someone how I’m feeling ..I’m not really good at writing things down but seriously I’m going to try take all your wonderful advice..

Hi summerlove ,I text him yes in fact I sent a text 1st October no answer still waiting and for his birthday in June didn’t reply and yes we go out but it’s like he’s just going through the motions ....if I was reading this I’d think wow what’s this woman done to her grandson ..but hand on my heart I’ve only ever shown love towards .