Toddler sleeping with mum and new boyfriend.

Don't care who it is I wouldn't entertain it--simple as that !
No mother with anything about her would ever allow it to happen.

It's a known fact that paedophiles look for single parents, wether her partners are or aren't paedophiles isn't the point. It's playing russian roulette with her children safety and the potential for harm.
Her behaviour in choosing sexual partners isn't showing good judgment otherwise she wouldn't have such a quick succession of live in partners.
If you have never had experience of a dysfunctional family you are lucky and possibly naive with regards to how the priorities of one can override all sensible, nurturing, caring, safeguarding , loving decisions.
Children need protecting and I do think from the OP that that's what Nannywaffles feels is lacking for her grandchildren. I would be very concerned in this situation and would expect my son to be going for full custody and fully supporting him.

I’m stunned that some posters don’t see a problem with the child sleeping in the same bed as a casual boyfriend! No we don’t know the full facts, but what we have been told is alarming. Someone, whether is the father or social services need to ascertain what is happening and ensure that this child is safe.

Soda pop, I am in no way critisising OP, how you could assume that is beyond me. I am supporting OP, she knows it is wrong but feels despite all her efforts she cannot alter the situation. I was commenting on the people that say it's fine when it clearly is not. It is ultimately up to her son to fight for custody, he will have his mother's support as she clearly loves them all. I know if it were me I would. That is my view, might not be every bodies but I stand by it.

Not helpful Sparkling the OP is already aware of her daughter's short comings and some support would be good.

I haven't read all the posts in detail. But I would certainly get advice from Social services or the NSPCC. This is a dangerous situation for the child to be in. I would have thoughts right to custody should be considered legally.

I don't think the mother can make the decision to withdraw the child's father's custody rights these days. The child has a right to his own bed without having to share his mum with a series of men, if this is happening.

This situation needs professional help from someone with an objective view .

Hard to believe anyone would think the children are ok. She is a disgrace. What a way to live.

Op

You said that if your son says anything, she threatens to not letting him see his child.

Is there a formal custody order? If she does not follow it because your son speaks up for his child, she is in contempt.

Your son must fight for what he thinks it is best for his child, not fall for her threats

jaffacake ...well if you re read nannywaffles follow up posts I don't think there are any assumptions.

Whilst she cant know for sure what goes on in her ex dil's house and especially the bedroom.
She does know that there have been 3 different men in dil's life and that they have stayed over.
She also knows that things, the childs bed for example, are sold. Presumably as cash is short.
I don't know where 'not having your own bed' sits on the scale of child neglect that the ss have to deal with. Pretty low down I would think, but it is a sign that the mother doesn't prioritise her child's health and wellbeing.

Precisely MissAdventure
Good points well put Bluebell

The OP knows the mother well. She has sold his bed and other things. She moves new men into the house in succession. Making assumptions and how terrible that is (really) is nothing compared to what that child maybe going through. The OP is a caring grandmother and as for the ex husband having no say - that’s a dreadful way to think. There are laws now which take into account the father. He has absolutely some say about the welfare of his child. I cannot for the life of me understand the mindset of some people. A child’s welfare is paramount.

Another thought ,perhaps current boyfriend is not sleeping with mum and toddler. Maybe he sleeps on the sofa. There are lots of assumptions being made and judgements that mum is neglectful.
Is she short of money and cannot afford a bed for child ? If she is on benefits she may be on a very tight budget.

Its not necessarily about the chance of sex occurring, it's wondering if this person is competent to risk assess on behalf of a vulnerable child.

Both my children slept in their own beds, they were warm, comfortable and safe, they had a good nights sleep, but so did we, on one occasion when we did let one of our children in our bed, (the one I shared with my husband) We did not sleep well at all and had to get up for work in the morning. We soon put a stop to that. I am not against co sleeping ,it just was not right for us.
The above said, my child was not subjected to three different men in my bed over a space of time. This is very wrong.

I think the assumption that they are sexually active with a child in the bed is wrong (and insulting) that's all. The child isn't always there. How can anyone know who sleeps where anyway? Child abuse (if that's suspected) can take place anywhere, not just in bed.

hetty you don’t make sense you keep missing the point completely, you say where would a child be safer than right next to it’s mother and I totally agree with you but that’s not what’s happening in this case the mother who has already proved to be poor at parenting is introducing a series of men and sleeping with these men in a bed with the toddler involved and who now has no bed of his own
There doesn’t have to be abuse involved it is totally out of order and an unsatisfactory arrangement for a child to be sharing a bed with two people, one a stranger and most likely sexual activity will take place unless you truly believe that this lady only ever has platonic relationships How likely is that
My word you are unbelievable

Very suspect Bluebell I am shocked anyone would think it is ok let alone post it.

Where could a child be safer at night than right next to his mother? rafichagran says 'he would be safe and comfortable sleeping on his own'. That doesn't make any sense at all.

No, I haven't misread anything Bluebelle. I'm just surprised that conclusions are being jumped to. Unless there is evidence of child abuse or neglect there is nothing to report.

From a practical point of view, ex husbands and MILs can't expect to control or dictate to the mother.

Exactly what I was going to say missadventure Hetty is talking about something totally different to nannyeaffles question
Nothing at all wrong with co sleeping WITH PARENT OR PARENTS a lot wrong with a small child sleeping with a stranger
Stop digging your hole deeper Hetty you must have misread the query and don’t want to admit to misreading it if it’s not that then your thinking process about children’s safety is very very suspect

Co sleeping with a parent or step parent is a whole world apart from sharing a bed with someone who nobody actually knows that well.

Bringing into the discussion the fact that 'most of the world shares a bed', is a red herring in this case.

I'm interested that you thought it relevant to use the phrase cultural differences as well.

Anyway according to nannywaffles, there is a concern about all aspects of the childrens welfare whilst in their mothers care.

Don't forget this is not a nosey neighbour passing unnecessary judgement on another persons life style.

Nannywaffles has a duty of care towards her gchildren if she feels they are in a potentially abusive situation.

I'm baffled why you would jump to defend the situation hetty?

Hetty58 Where and when are they having sex then? This isn’t exactly a model mum so the OP has every reason to believe they’re sexually active when the child is in the bed.

Bridgeit that's exactly it. I know you can only generalise as you don't know the specifics. It would be son doing the reporting if that's how this goes. Thank you for the constructive comments.

I think the problem is that the young child is having to adjust to a variety of different men ( if reading OP correctly)& activity in the most basic of ways.
This is not a stable, suitable situation for any child. OP is right to have concerns

If things are so bad in the mothers home maybe your son could apply for residency .

If he has a suitable home and income and there is proof that the mother is unfit the courts will consider it.

It's not only about sex, it's about a child who sleeps in a bed with his Mother and 3 men who are not his Father at different times. I think that is weird
Also the Mother sold his bed where he would be safe and comfortable sleeping on his own. Why? So many red flags.
I am totally shocked at Hettys replies.