Not seeing grandson is like a bereavement

Ok. I'm bowing out.

Well done for driving someone away that needed support.

Not sure what you get out of it, but hey. Get your fun where you can.

We offered support and made suggestions in a positive way. Encouraging someone to wallow and think this is like a bereavement is not healthy.

I'm not sure why you would think like that GagaJo or what you get out of it..
It is not healthy.

I think that it really depends on your own experience and feelings. It's very personal - in both situations. I live a distance from my GD and only have contact with her when she's with her dad. Sometimes I feel a real panic that I can't spend time with her and teach her all the things I thought I would be able to.

It isn't the same as someone dying, but people's reactions to that are personal too. You can't help how you feel.

I agree completely that "bereavement" is very much the wrong word to have used in the thread title.

Nonetheless, I accept that the OP is very upset. Some people could adjust to being apart from their grandchild and some people would find it harder.

People react to actual bereavement in very different ways too.

It's good that you are skyping a few times a week lovemabub as that regular contact, together with the amount of time you spent with your GS in the first year of his life will help to maintain your relationship with him as he grows.

We have friends whose 3 GC live in Aus. and they were able to create a relationship with the youngest, before they ever got to meet him in person.

You're doing the right thing trying to keep busy. Hopefully it wont be too long before you can go back and spend some time with your D and her family.

Just think how great those cuddles will be.

I find it hard too, sometimes I long for a hug from DGC, but it is not like a bereavement.

Two of my GC also live thousands of miles away. The way I see it, I’m thankful they’re in this world and I hope to god I am never bereaved of child or GC.

We can’t help our feelings but we can look at our reactions and get them into perspective.

Perhaps posting on here is helping getting her feelings Into perspective?
Maybe just sympathising is all it takes?

Doesn't a friendly welcome hold as much chance of assistance as a finger wagging?

The divide seems to centre on one word, or more importantly the wrong use of that word.

The op did say 'it is like a living bereavement'
She has tried to being clarification to the description of her feelings.

There is no indication that the OP intended any offence to those of us who are smarting under the immovable fact that death means living with no tomorrows with our loved one.

lovemabub

In the spirit of being tolerant, please all understand that people are so different.

Some people would need sympathy and reassurance at a time like this, and that would help them.

Some people would need these more harsh seeming words to help them see their is a whole other way of framing this, and that would help them.

Hopefully the OP will take the posts that are helpful to her personally, and not take so much notice of the others.

I'm sure we all wish her well

Thank you everyone for your comments. My husband died when our own three children were small so I know what bereavement feels like and that's why I used the word - the separation from my grandson feels very similar to that grieving process.

Your responses have helped put things in perspective for me. He is alive and well and happy! I talked to him this morning. And I've decided it's no good sitting here moping. Life is too short and I miss him too much. In the year I was with him I felt my purpose in life was to be his granny and that's partly why I'm so lost without him. I'm going to go over and rent a place nearby for a few months at a time - perhaps even longer! The bereavement I feel is only due to separation and I can change that.

Ah, that’s good to hear, Lovemabub. Making plans for the future is always a good thing to do, in my book, anyway.

Well done, lovemabub
Making some positive plans will help you deal better.
Would you ever think of emigrating? Or do you have family here too?

Feel

I typed feel not deal!!

Great news! Thinking positively and to the future ??

Ah, I understand now. That loss of purpose and not knowing who you are any more. I see why you used the term bereavement.

All credit to you for thinking positively and looking forward to the future,

Good luck ?

I totally understand about the feeling of "bereavement," lovemabub. To my knowledge, people often go through the same stages of grief when they lose or feel they've lost a relationship as when they've actually lost a person to death. It seems to me you know it's not death, that's why you said "living bereavement." But, no doubt, one can still sense a void.

IMO, posters here having given you very good ideas. And I'm glad you've decided to rethink your attitude and are making plans to alleviate the problem. Best to you, moving forward!