I feel sorry for my little Grandson

but they scatter toys all over the and my tidy house is a wreck now
I am wondering just how a one year old and three year old can wreck a house by strewing toys around?

Mine used to stick stickers on their bedside cabinets, all scribbled on walls at one time or another which they helped to clean off and they didn't do it again.
Get them to help you tidy them up into the toy box. One of our DGC used to tidy up from a very early age, admittedly they did all get thrown into the box but that was part of the fun. She's a very tidy child, unlike younger sibling!

Poor little lad! Let him enjoy lots of untidy, messy play when he's with you, you'll both have so much fun. Baking, painting, making things with clay, sticking and pasting is all good messy play. And of course jumping in puddles on a wet day! I wouldn't worry too much about his clothes, dirt washes out! But you could keep a few spare clothes or a pinny for him. Could you perhaps keep a pet at your house for him to interact with - rabbits, guinea pig, hamster, cat, white rats (they're very intelligent and friendly)?

I had a friend like your DIL. Her house was clinically clean, every surface was wiped with bleach twice a day you could smell it when you walked through the door! You would never have thought she had any children, there was never a toy in sight, nor a child. Her kids got every stomach bug or ailment that was going round and were off school more than they were there. Mine on the other hand were as tough as old boots brought up in a home with 2 big dogs and a Mum who'd rather play with them than do housework. Yes they caught measles, mumps and chickenpox but they'd had their vaccinations and it was no big deal. Now grown with their own families they are equally relaxed with their own children.

One of my DILs is a bit obsessive about hygiene but she's gradually relaxing a bit. I think she's realising keeping two under two's from getting grubby is nigh on impossible. But her over-concern when the children fall/bump/scratch or graze themselves (however minor) worries me a bit. She makes such a big fuss about it
- antiseptic, plasters, constantly checking them, and of course they respond accordingly: lots of tears and clinging to mum. I always treated everyday tumbles and 'hurts' with a hug or cuddle and a 'There, all better now" and off they went to carry on playing. Perhaps I was too casual (but not uncaring), but they survived!

Enjoy your time with your grandson, in time his parents may come to realise their standards are a bit OTT.

can't you have him at your house. I have 4 grandchildren all grown up now. All messy play and fun was done at my home! plastic sheet on the floor for paint boxes brushes and water jars for brushes..... when i had a new washing machine they made a 'house' out of the box, cut out windows and painted flowers on the outside ect ect......took them to the park to 'run off there steam weekends...must point out, not all four at once, two then two more later age wise. good times remembered

My gd is the same, but she can get messy as she likes at my house. The sad thing is she gets upset if she gets her clothes dirty. I don’t care, our house is clean but normal mess.

They could do with spending a week with my Grand-daughter during lambing It is bad enough at other times but Lambing is special. They live on a working farm, Husband, Wife, 4 children, eldest 7 youngest 3, 2 Dogs, fish, cat, all indoors, alas rabbit has passed. Outdoors 3 ponies.1 horse, another dog, pet lambs and pet calves.

In lambing the family expands indoors to cope with orphan or sickly lambs, each one is adopted by one or the other children and spends its first few weeks in the house fed and pampered (in pens some of the time.)

Chaotic it maybe, mucky and dirty, very often, but so full of love. Bless 'em all.

The sad part of all this is that this little boy will rebel at some stage in his life and his parents could lose him forever. What's a bit of mess in the great scheme of things?

I loved making stuff with my kids and doing the same with my grandkids, the house is "clean underneath " as my mum would say about disarray and clutter.

I can't help thinking that there's an element of emotional abuse going on too.

I had a drawer full of clothes to fit my GS, eBay and charity shop finds, and I changed him out of the lovely clothes he was sent in and at going home time I put him back into them. I felt I was fighting a losing battle once he could move about (I had him from 8 months) as he was so reluctant to touch sand or soil or paint or to play with soapsuds or play dough or anything sticky but I persevered.
Life at home is a bit more relaxed now that a good few years have passed but children are still told to be careful not to touch the walls and there are no finger marks on the windows. Their other grandmother is OCD and her mother before her. I never said anything. I knew I couldn’t change the situation.

DIL and mum came round to our house to visit before my DS’s wedding. I didn’t know about their OCD at the time and dread to think what they thought about the happy muddle I allow at ours.

Mine grew up with a mother who really wasn’t good at cleaning. Me! They’ve ended up with rather houseproud partners! Guess it skips generations...

Maybe just keep an eye on the mess you are making with Gs? If you are eating and making a crummy mess, SIL is hoovering as a passive aggressive hint to you to keep your crumbs on a plate...

I don't think it's a real issue unless he's battered and abused. They probably loathe a dirty house and keep it immaculate by staying on top of it. Sometimes it just takes a few things and the house goes into chaos. I'd let it go in this case...

If he's taking the blame, step in and say "oh, it was me! I'll get to that right away" and tidy it yourself. Everyone has different standards. I wouldnt let an animal OR a person wearing shoes enter my home....but I wouldn't berate my child for making a mess, either. That's for sure.

I think it's not the show-home that bothers you...It's feeling sorry for a grandchild whose parents seem to prioritise cleaning over their son. If you really really feel this is the case, have a gentle word with them when he's not around: "oh, he's only a boy once. Please don't get upset with him. We were just having fun. I'm sorry. Could I take him to my house to play next time?. But not having a pet is far FAR from abuse.

My daughters 3 children come to mine regularly and have a craft box, paints and play doh here , and also do baking. They know they can always do these things at grannys. I also look after 'their' rabbit, chicken and fish and encourage them to help care for them when they're here

Poor little boy, there's too much control by his parents, they are not letting him express or be himself. It will all backfire on them, but what damage is it doing to their son? Have him at yours, let him be himself with you. It's a form of emotional abuse, thank goodness he has you in his life.

I have spare clothes and garden shoes for grandchildren who are 'not allowed' to get messy - or get dirt on their shoes (bloody ridiculous). It seems that their appearance is far more important, to their parents, than their happiness.

I know when they'll be collected, so a quick shower, tidy their hair - and back in the nice clothes just half an hour before. Once, I was 'told off' as one still had some paint under their fingernails!

I hope all the bits of water bombs were disposed of as even I get annoyed picking them up, so not something I'd buy.

I grew up with an OCD tidy-freak mother, but I'm not like that. We'd be put in the garden to eat a biscuit as she just couldn't bear the mess, however temporary!