Am I being unreasonable expecting a small gift from my adult grandchildren?

My mum had 9 grandchildren. Hey 5 of them I produced lol! When they were small I ensured they gifted her something suitable. As they grew she was an important lady in their life. Youngest son was 13 when she died and the eldest was 23 years. So really they were largely teenagers. They would always buy her gifts for her birthday and Christmas. A lot of thought went into them. Mum was very free with her critical words - well she already had this, that and the other. Totally unappreciative. It is sad they did not send a small gift to brighten your day. The main thing though is that you are still around and able to interact with them. At least you are not going to end up with wardrobes full of cardi's, throws, slippers etc Possibly do what I now do - treat yourself to the gift of your choice. We are worth it xx

When one family of grandchildren was with their mother she always got them to send greetings and thanks . As soon as the children grew up all this stopped. It is disappointing.

Never ever receive thank you for gc presents - I’m lucky to receive a birthday card from one daughter but not the other. Doesn’t worry me unduly. We all have birthdays. I never forget to send cards to family members thoughit is more difficult this year just gone.

Yanene. I think you are justified in feeling a bit hurt, but they did think of you. Lockdown could well have played a part. Maybe next time you speak to them, thank them for the card(s) and possibly lie though your teeth saying "I got some lovely flowers from so-and-so" ?

Thank you to everyone who took the time and responded to my post on the forum about birthday gifts from my grandchildren.
Your thoughts are very much appreciated.

Calendargirl

^People in our age group set more store by gifts and cards, it’s not so important to younger people^.

True, but I bet they still expect their birthdays to be remembered.

And before anyone points it out, I realise the OP received cards from GC.

Her birthday was remembered though.

Just not in the way she expected

I must be exceptionally lucky as I always get gifts from my grandchildren. I don't know why they do, but they do, and always have. It's partly down to the parents, encouraging their children when young to be kind to grandparents.

I am very glad they remembered you and sent you a card. My adult kids are being stretched with their money at the moment with furlough, perhaps they cannot afford a gift?

I think it's ok just to send a card. Please do not talk to them or expect anything else, because they do remember you.

AIBU? Well, it all depends on the tradition in your family. if family members always give presents and this year these two didn't, yes, probably

But in this case, when both remembered to send a card, I think you are refining too much on it.

Thinking back to childhood, where I actually lived with my grandparents in the school holidays for a year or so, even then, though I always sent them a card I cannot ever remember buying them a birthday present, Christmas present, yes, but never a birthday present.

It is very difficult, as a grandchild, to know what to give a grandparent as a present.

That is true Calendargirl I think its seen as the role of a grandparent to spoil them a little. The reverse doesn't seem to work.

People in our age group set more store by gifts and cards, it’s not so important to younger people.

True, but I bet they still expect their birthdays to be remembered.

And before anyone points it out, I realise the OP received cards from GC.

It's always nice to get a gift - of course it is. But I'm just thinking about the thinking that had to go into getting a valentines card for my husband this year - I think that to have got a card would have taken more effort than in "normal" times. Rather than dwelling on what you didn't get maybe just text to thank them for the card.

I don’t even get a card or present from my AS!
He will probably send me a text around 9pm on the night of my birthday?
I always send him and his wife cards and gifts, but, and it’s a big but. I don’t do that to get something back, they wouldn’t mind if I didn’t send them anything, I do it because I want to.

I never sent any to my grandparents and my grandchildren don’t send them to me. I wouldn’t expect it. My children do,though. By the time you are my age you have enough stuff to sink a battleship so I wouldn’t be looking for more. I always get things for them because they are young and like getting things. They are all lovely people and not thoughtless at all but this just isn’t something that is necessary.

I think it’s was wonderful that you got remembered with a card most young people don’t do cards any more a fb or WhatsApp message would be the norm
My grandkids although almost grown are all still living at home so join in the card/ present buying BUT when they leave home I very much doubt they will even remember when my birthday is although I ve been very close to five out of seven of the (the other two live so far away I can’t class us as close)
I think whilst I totally understand your feelings they are a bit unrealistic and the fact they remembered is a bit of a miracle

Do they normally give you birthday presents?
If No - you are being unreasonable to expect a present this year.
If Yes - you are still being unreasonable to expect a present and to sound huffy about not getting one.

Yabu

It is not healthy to expect anything from anybody just because you have done things for them in the past.

Have they ever given you a present for your bday in the past?

I agree with NellG the caring is more distant now. Adult grandchildren communicate on social media and sending cards etc is not on their agenda. It was nice they remembered a card for you. My eldest granddaughter is the only one who thinks of a gift, not the others.
People in our age group set more store by gifts and cards its not so important to younger people. Don't be hurt Yanene just a different generation.

I work on the premise that gifts move down the generations, so grandparents buy for grandchildren, and not the other way round. Families differ, though, and there is no 'right' way to do it.

It's a pity that you are hurt, though - what made you expect a gift? Has a tradition been broken?

Thinking back I don’t think my children or my brother’s sent presents to their grandparents. They were included in family presents and cards until they left home and then that was that. Similarly I wouldn’t expect presents from my GC in the future. Currently the oldest is 11 so not an issue.
I feel card giving from the young is declining anyway. But a text message or a call is pleasant to have. ?

expect nothing then you won't be disappointed.

Do they live close enough to hand a gift in? I haven't been able to give a friend a birthday gift as I live outside her area and I don't want fined. Have they ever given you gifts for birthdays? If not, then it's unreasonable to expect them to start without some nudging. They may have sent you a gift but it's lost/delayed. I agree a gift would be lovely and understand why you are hurt, but I don't think you can expect one.

I always bought my grandparents presents and would visit them on their birthdays as I lived close by. All their other grandchildren did the same. I think it gave us as much pleasure as it did them.

How lovely that your adult grandchildren are thoughtful and caring enough to send you cards on your birthday. Contact them to let them know their thoughtfulness is appreciated. Especially at this difficult time.