So upset with lack of discipline for GCs

As well as “grandma’s house, grandma’s rules” there is an equivalent for your daughter and husband. All you can do is to make their time with you as interesting as the time spent playing computer games. Walks in the park followed by tea in a cafe, making cakes, doing crafts, all these will be enjoyable even if they say “do we have to?” at first. Also, provide good nourishing meals and small snacks, and don’t waver. It’s hard to have different rules and expectations, but you can set your own in your own home. However, there is one caveat: you must never ever criticise their parents.

Thanks, DoraMarr, you are right of course, and that's what I try and do. It's just I struggle to see how what they are allowing can possibly be healthy for the kids. A 4.5 year old on a mobile phone or XBox playing "Fortnite" for hours????
It's such a challenge, being as involved as we are, and loving them the way I do, yet not being able to influence what I see as the children's well-being.
If I thought it was just a matter of opinion, I could live with it, but I seriously think this is jeopardizing the kids' health and well-being!

Would you object if they were reading books or playing snakes and ladders, probably not, time has moved on and so must you.
That's different to discipline, politeness and consideration, as Granny I pull any of my GCs up for bad manners or indiscipline, in front of their parents if needed. If that means I'm called Grumpy Granny so be it.
As for junk food, as long as they are not overweight or hyperactive, kids need energy, even growing girls, mine eat like horses.

Two of my grandchildren have lives exactly like you describe. They are 9 and 13. And yet.....they are both very healthy, and their brains seem to be fine since they are both doing fine at school. If Fortnite was turning them into overweight zombies I'd be worried, but it isn't.

In your position I'd just stick to being grandma, not trying to change the way they live. Their parents make the rules, not you.

If the grandchildren are generally loved and well cared for, I'd leave well alone.

If you have a row, you might end up not seeing so much of the grandchildren.

Perhaps you could babysit them so that your daughter gets a rest - she may be just worn down with the work that three children brings. Some people struggle with what other people cope with easily.

Perhaps, when they are with you, you could introduce other activities.

There are a lot of children these day playing with Xboxes more and phones. That's what they're interested in and what they want to engage with. Some children still prefer traditional toys, but there are more that prefer digital entertainment.

As a grandparent how much time they have one these devices is, whether you like it or not, nothing to do with you.

You can easily say that your prefer for them not to use them in your home, but other than that, it's their parents choice and you have to respect that.

Good to read all of the comments, thank you all.

you need to step back,its not up to you to make the rules,you can ask them not to use them in your home but apart from that its their parents who get to say what they do.

I think we really have to get our heads around the fact that games and game playing has changed I worried about how little my grandkids read books but after talking to them and realising they have a very wide range of knowledge and completely up to date with politics, world situations etc I realise they read everything even news on their iPads yes they play xboxes and other games on their tablets but they play with others even though not in the same room, as a child I was a lonely only and used to play cards left hand against the right I think we just have to understand that each generations play is different not necessarily better or worse bu5 just different
When they are at yours take them out and about, if you don’t want them in on their electronics and make sure you don’t give them any junk ( good luck with that) but that’s the most you can do but stop worrying they will be fine

Thank you, BlueBelle, I think you are right and I really appreciate your (and all the others') inputs on this topic.

DD1 brought up her 3 children entirely differently to me - lots of junk food, not much in the way of reading or school work, lots of gadgets and rubbish TV but they have all turned out as pleasant, polite, hardworking young people. It'll be OK.

Their children, their choice. It is not your place to comment - I am surprised that your DD tolerates you putting your oar in. You need to back off.

Teetime, that is very encouraging, thank you. Luckygirl: I guess I earned that comment ("back off") - thanks :-)

May not be what you wanted to hear - but the rule is that they have to parent as they see fit; and unless the children are being actively abused then it is not our place to comment.

I have 7 GC and have never never ever put my oar in. If I am asked about a particular problem they might be having with GC then I will respond; but otherwise it is simply not my business.

My grandchildren are like this. I'm perplexed because my son lives with me and the oldest GS who is 10yrs lives here four days a week.
The Gds arrive Friday through to Sunday.
It's my GS that echoes the OP concerns. Glued to X Box and communicating through headphones and microphone with his schoolfriends and goodness knows who else.

So Grandmas house, Grandmas rules is tricky and I'm at a loss.

They all took a great interest in the traditional things that I expected to be doing with them. Then their Dad (my son) told me to stop "boring" them! He says I'm out of touch.

It’s this generation. My grandkids are exactly the same. Permissive parenting is all the rage ?

My grandmother always told me that her parents always complained about her reading and having her head stuck in a book! And why wasn’t she doing something more useful! Times change and not all computer games are a waste of time. As a PS4 owning gran l have played several games steeped in history where l have roamed ancient Egypt and learned about life there. Climbed buildings in Venice that are reproduced identically, l have never been there but recognised many places l had been to virtually in the game in a recent tv programme! And am at the moment rescuing children from working long hours in the industrial mills in london! Courtesy of computer games and my hand eye coordination is improving massively!
Don’t worry!

Once again Bluebelle has hit the nail on the head.
Up until a few years ago we had a sort of unspoken "no technology" rule in our house and I have a huge amount of toys/games for all ages but all that happens is you see less of the kids. We've relaxed a bit but I do try to engage them in conversation as they tap away of their phones. I try to join in sometimes on the Xbox which might fill them with horror but they giggle a lot at my ineptitude. After 10 minutes though, I feel as sick as a dog looking down the barrel of a gun or behind the wheel of a car...how do they do it!
It's also interesting that when you relax a bit, the younger ones come off the technology and start to play with the toys (or the ornaments ?) again.
When my son was younger we used to play Rock Band after school - belting out rock songs and doing a dance to an imaginary audience used to be as exhausting as a game of rounders. It was such fun and I wish he was still interested in it.

mine are the same my daufhter and son in law thought there bad behaviour was cute when they were little and now there always shouting at them , you reep what you sow and they wonder why i wont mind them much, but in saying that they are so different in my house and respect my rules

Thing is, while these might be 'games' a lot of them need a lot of problem solving, and communication, and reading! My 4 yr old grandaughter can read fluently because she helps my oldest grandson read the text on the game he loves playing!
I believe schools put on a lot more pressure than we were dealt, this tires kids out a lot more, and they want to relax and play games, then at school, its part and parcel of playground life to talk about said games and discuss tactics, they aren't mindless the way some computer games used to be, they are role playing and complex, and I understand them a lot more now my eldest grandsons have explained them.

And to put your mind at rest, my four eldest grandchildren were exactly the same, coming home to play on their games, (although I would insist on a screen break every half an hour for their necks and eyes!) but now they are active, out at college and starting Uni, and wonderful kids.
This is how they enjoy themselves safely, and unless they are putting on masses of weight and seem depressed, I would leave well alone, but I do understand why you're worried, but I doubt its needed :-) x

gilld69
Wow!

I have the same problem with older GS- 14 & 12. The eldest GD is 10 & is on her phone playing games all day- they are siblings. The younger 3 are OK at the moment.
I do agree that Fortnite ( I think this is the way they spell it!) has not caused the problems I expected & seems OK for them to play. I would rather they interacted more but they are growing up & I remember I always had my nose stuck in a book & this is the modern version I suppose. They are still good polite children & I totally ban any gadgets at the table or in sitting room where we all sit together or in their bedrooms here- they also have to turn them off half an hour before bed.
It is Grandma's house- Grandma's rules but I want them to continue to want to come & stay. I do make sure when they are here for more than one night that we go out for at least one day & gadgets are left at home!
To be fair I am probably addicted to Gummy Drops & Candy Crush but I keep my playing on my tablet when I am alone!

Whatever happened to 'my house, my rules'?. However, it must be difficult with the spread of their ages.

I am lucky to have 3 grandkids my munchkins like there day the 2 boys LOVE gadgets. I worried about the time my soon played on his consoles and that the boys would be the same. I am proud to say that the boys have time limits on there consoles and have craft time 2 days a week. The eldest cannot read fast enough he eats books but likes his games as well. My granddaughter just floats around playing with her dolls and her clothes she is so funny. They are very polite when out and when home sometimes they forget them. It is up to the parents to take charge of the consoles. It is good for them to get away. My grandkids can cook pasta, cheese on toast, hot dogs and pizza WHAT else can a nanny ask for.