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Sudden death

(46 Posts)
Tizliz Sun 12-Sep-21 22:00:35

I suppose I have been lucky in that the only deaths I have encountered have been my parent’s generation, until today. A good close friend died suddenly and unexpectedly. He was only in his fifties and though he had been ill a few years ago he thought he had recovered. But he didn’t even make it to hospital and died in the ambulance. It is such a shock to us so I can’t imagine how his wife and young family are coping. Nothing can prepare you for this.

LauraNorder Sun 12-Sep-21 22:02:39

flowers a terrible shock.

V3ra Sun 12-Sep-21 22:17:16

This happened to someone I knew: they went to bed the night before their 60th birthday and never woke up.
Huge shock to the family ☹️

crazyH Sun 12-Sep-21 22:19:01

So sorry to hear this Tizliz flowers. We lost a healthy, vibrant friend in his late forties, a few years ago. I was very close to his wife. They had one son.. It was such a big shock. She is just about beginning to cope.

Callistemon Sun 12-Sep-21 22:21:09

Tizliz
Sending condolences flowers
My dearest friend died very suddenly well before her time, it was the anniversary of her death yesterday.

Biscuitmuncher Mon 13-Sep-21 00:41:46

This is what happened to my dad, perfectly fine and collapsed and died. The death certificate says death unascertained, he was only mid 50s

heath480 Mon 13-Sep-21 01:34:49

Happened to my husband,he was 52.It is not uncommon at all,especially with men.

nanna8 Mon 13-Sep-21 03:56:19

That is so upsetting Tizliz. A few months ago the same happened to one of my friends and I still tear up thinking of it. She was so vibrant and full of life and had never been ill. Her husband was and is absolutely devastated.

BlueBelle Mon 13-Sep-21 04:52:45

I had this lesson very early
I was 16 and adored my granddad he worked weekdays in our nearest city getting up early to get the train each day
One day he got up as normal kissed my Nan goodbye and got the bus to the train station
At 9 am my Nan got a call to say he was dead he was 61
He had arrived at his office and at 9 his secretary had gone into his office and he was slumped on his desk
I never saw my precious granddad again

grandMattie Mon 13-Sep-21 05:53:48

Ten days ago, our 39 years old son died suddenly and inexplicably. The PM has shown nothing.
As others have said, nothing prepares you for something like that, particularly as it is the wrong order of things.
We are all desolate. His 17 yo son lives with his mum, but saw his dad frequently. He’s the one we’re mist anxious about..

TillyTrotter Mon 13-Sep-21 06:34:46

We don’t expect to lose a young person to sudden death and it tears a hole in our hearts.
Condolences to you Tizliz and Grandmattie. ?

absent Mon 13-Sep-21 07:37:37

I come from a very large and very close extended family and have witnessed death many times since I was quite a young child. Sometimes I think that a sudden death is something of a blessing, as opposed to a long drawn-out illness full of pain, increasing weakness, organ failure and misery for both the sufferer and the family. It is, of course, a horrible shock for members of the family and friends but, in my experience, the grief of loss is just as great whether one knew a loved one was dying or it happened suddenly. I also know that the anger of "it's not her/his time" is bitter, but gradually fades. Condolences to all who are recently bereaved.

Whatdayisit Mon 13-Sep-21 07:55:09

So very sad. My ex mil's husband started with agonising pains and we got him to hospital they said it was kidney stones. We spent a few hours watching him writhing in pain. At midnight I stood up to go as he seemed settled and as I did he shot up and immediately collapsed back down and died. They spent over an hour trying to resuscitate. I will never forget the sound of the howl my poor mil made when they told us he was dead. We left the hospital with a plastic bag with his belongings. It had been an aortic aneurysm he had just turned 59. Despite his pain it never entered our head that he was going to die.

BlueBelle Mon 13-Sep-21 07:59:01

Yes a quick death is better if you ve had you’re life but not if you are young or middle aged absent

grandemattie my heart goes out to you… to lose a child so young and not to have a reason to eventually come to terms with, is horrendous and will leave you for ever asking questions what if? why?

lemsip Mon 13-Sep-21 08:46:15

yes, my mother although 69 was quite fit and well went to bed and didn't wake up in the morning.........she was curled up on her side as though asleep but dead! pm said left ventricula failure. A dreadful shock .

gt66 Mon 13-Sep-21 09:17:09

grandMattie I'm so sorry you lost your son. I too have a 39 year old son and sometimes worry if he's up late that something has happened in the night, as I lost my cousin in similar circumstances a few months ago.

I also know of two other men this has happened to, so, so sad for those left behind.

tickingbird Mon 13-Sep-21 09:47:57

My late DIL died very suddenly and unexpectedly one Sunday morning. Cerebral aneurysm. Died instantly. My son and 3 grandsons in the house with her and were unaware she had died. Son was talking to her from another room and thought she was asleep. It’s a terrible shock when it happens and brings it home how fragile life is really.

M0nica Mon 13-Sep-21 09:48:03

My sister was 45 when she was knocked off her bike as she cycled to work. She suffered severe concussion, drifted into unconsciousness and died 2 days later. The doctors told my parents that the damage to her brain was so extensive that if she survived she would probably be in a vegetative state, or close to it. My mother, who was nearly 80 said she had never imagined that she would ever sit by one of her children's beds and pray that they would die, because their prospects ,if they lived, were so terrible. My mother lived another 7 years, but I do not think she ever recovered from the circumstances of my sister's death.

I knew nothing of this. We had gone away for a short break, just before mobile phones and I came home to the news that in my four day absence my younger sister had died.

The shock of that moment will be always with me.

Redhead56 Mon 13-Sep-21 09:51:51

Tizliz so sorry for you it must have been a shock. Your friend passed with no suffering. For all here who have lost someone you have memories treasure them.?

Kate1949 Mon 13-Sep-21 09:59:30

How awful flowers My sister in law dropped dead in the house at age of 49. They had lost their son to cancer some years before.

Hetty58 Mon 13-Sep-21 10:07:46

Tizliz, bear in mind that it's the very best way to go. I'm hoping for a sudden heart attack - rather than a long drawn out illness with pain and endless suffering to end my days!

threexnanny Mon 13-Sep-21 10:12:45

Condolences to those who have been bereaved.
I read an article in National Geographic magazine many years ago on Sudden Unexplained Death Syndrome. Apparently it is well known and, as someone else has said, usually affects young men who appear healthy.

Grandmajean Mon 13-Sep-21 10:18:37

So many sad stories. My mother died when I was 18. She was 60 . I was the only child of elderly parents . She was taken ill suddenly and appendicitis diagnosed. She didn't survive the surgery. Looking back , so many clues were missed. She had a thyroid condition and , instead of having regular check ups , she simply got repeat prescriptions ! We are going back over 50 years. This wouldn't happen nowadays. The PM showed heart failure due to her pituitary gland not functioning. Totally treatable but she never went near a doctor. No counselling in those days. I just got on with life as you had to. My Dad was great and I had several Aunties so we coped.

M0nica Mon 13-Sep-21 10:19:49

After my sister died I was surprised to discover how common this experience is. Whether accident or a sudden illness and death. Almost everyone I met who had reason to know of my sister's death seemed to have experienced the sudden loss of someone significant. The commonality of this experience was very comforting.

crazyH Mon 13-Sep-21 10:21:22

Oh grandMattie - so, so sorry. I hope you get the strength to cope flowers