Telling our sad stories

Yes, I feel I have come to the end of my tether with such continual accusations now. Gransnetters are generally a happy bunch of kind, supportive people who come on here for some chat, lively discussion, to socialise, get a bit of information, and give and receive support to each other. Unfortunately, a pattern has developed where certain threads become lively and, yes, even heated, but then an agitator will break in on the discussion in order to stir things up unnecessarily. Some have admitted they like that level of conflict.

Time they got over themselves. Keep to forum etiquette or go and make trouble elsewhere. Enough, now.

Think I have said my bit on the apology thread!

But likewise people have to let go when the bone has been picked over and not keep going on, and on, and on.

The trouble is nana that the hurt and disappointment don't go away. I understand why when a new thread appears that some GNetters tell their stories over again, it is part of their lives.
I speak as someone lucky enough till now not to have serious relationship problems.
A lot of us have been contributing for over a year now but new people don't know us and we help them getting to know us by repeating a few facts.
Perhaps some threads could be shorter. I have suggested this before and been put down for it, but still think that we are posting on GN, not blogging.

mamie I've no idea what you are apologizing for. You always seemed very sensible to me.

Milking it now?

I can't say I have noticed any of the things mentioned, but then I don't have time to log in every day unfortunately! If these things are happening then I think GNHQ should stamp on it as we have all read how these things can escalate and the hurt it can cause. I am all for a lively debate, but acknowledge there will be those who disagree with my views and I respect their opinions as I hope they would respect mine.

Wasn't apologising Charlotta, just posted some (I hope) relevant stuff on the thread where absent was apologising (not that she needed to either!)
Thank you for the comment about being sensible, though

Sorry, didn't mean that Charlotte. People have sad tales to tell and need to talk them through. Agreed and understood.

I was talking about a bone of contention. When someone takes offence at what another GNetter has said and won't accept an explanation or apology. Then the issue is dragged up day after day, ad nauseum.

I think if you want to be part of a group where all agree with one another, you have to find that in real life. GN is simply too big for that. Too many different personalities.

Greatnan I completely understand the usefulness of people reiterating their experiences on different threads. I as a newcomer to this forum don't have the time or inclination to peruse all of the older posts so more recent references to the experiences of more longstanding members of GNet have given me invaluable advice on a number of issues.

Please continue to offer help and support to newcomers even at the risk of repeating yourself

Hear, hear!

Nanadogsbody - I haven't had an explanation or apology. I am not 'milking' it, jingle - I thought the post was very unsympathetic and unpleasant.
Nor am I picking over the bone - this post was only made yesterday.

A lot has been said about people being able to disagree with others and I think that should be the case. I think it should be done courteously though. I do however have a problem with those who, for whatever reason, be it accidental or deliberate, imply that something was said or implied when it wasn't. I have been a recent victim of this and been accused of saying things about atheists when I did not. Twice I pointed this out and did get an apology from one person who had misunderstood but not from you Greatnan

Of course people should pour their hearts out if they have a problem and it is also appropriate to show empathy by mentioning how one has had a similar experience. I have not seen an instance of this being vilified but I don't go on all threads.

I believe the accusations of bullying have been going on for some time, long before I joined GN. Perhaps if they keep coming up and from different people we should all look to ourselves and see if there is anything we can personally do to make people feel more included. Clearly if a subject keeps returning there has to be a reason for it.

Whenever trouble brews on a thread I always drop out for a bit and come back in when things settle. That way I do not risk adding fuel to the fire. A lot of the time I cannot understand what the problem is, so have nothing to contribute.

But the overwhelming element on the forum is positive I feel and maybe those are the threads to fuel. Most things settle with time and standing back, both in life and on the forum might be a way of letting trouble die down a bit.

baubles, I agree with you. Some people have repeated their own issues in response to posts that have been made, especially those by newer members of the forum. It's probably taken these new members a bit of time to pluck up enough courage to post their worries/concerns and they will no doubt receive no end of comfort and support from reading about similar things that people have had to contend with, and have sometimes managed to overcome. I have repeated my own issues a couple of times as well, in response to someone's similar concerns, and I'll continue to do this. The support I've received on Gransnet has been amazing.

' There ARE members of GN who have remarked more than once on how good they have been to their families, not that that is to be scorned of course, but I am sure that there are other members who have been equally generous with time/money who choose not to broadcast it'

This is the post which I consider to be unpleasant. I rest my case.

And when was that posted?

Yesterday, on the Who is God thread. Why does the date matter?

I was interested enough to trawl back to an early post Alison where you said 'some gransnetters do a lot of talking about how brilliant and clever they are but this is not something that Christians tend to do'.

The implication surely is that it is non-Christians who do it (which must include atheists).

You don't name names but it seems obvious you are thinking of particular Gransnetters and this could make some of us feel uneasy.

I only mention this in the interests of clarity. I don't think it really matters that you said it though some may take offence.

An online group is very similar to a face to face group. People are bound to get heated on the odd occasion.

Personally I don't mind a bit of turbulence

*greatnan] I am at a loss as to understand why you did not name me? After all, you went to the trouble of sending me two private messages yesterday, to which I replied, and in your second message you seemed to accept that my comment had been a generalisation. In the past you have urged other posters to name names _ why so discreet this time?

Have just re read the posts on this thread and you say greatnan that you haven't had an explanation. Would you like me to cut and paste the private messages?

Ok I'm relatively new and very confused. Where has all this bad feeling come from? I thought we were all adults and capable of having a heated debate without it turning into petty backbiting and hurt feelings.

I don't see why people shouldn't be allowed to repeat themselves if their post is appropriate to the topic of the thread. Sometimes we need share more than once to make sure our advice/suggestions/experiences reach the right person/people. For example I have mentioned my ill health on more than one thread. Each time has been appropriate in my opinion even the time I gave the name of another website which I thought might be helpful to someone (GNHQ said it was OK under the circumstances) and it certainly explains my attitude to God. There you see I've now repeated myself in this post but in order to make my point I needed to.

Other times people just need to share. I'm sure not all gransnetters have family or a circle of friends they can talk to. Yes I'm sure they repeat themselves at times but isn't that part of being human? Aren't we supposed to talk about things that bother us? I understood that if things are buried they fester in the mind. Perhaps they think this is a safe place where people will understand how they feel or what they've done.

vampirequeen, your last paragraph sums up my own feelings.

Mine too VQ.