Going back to an ex?

Rubylady, you go for it if you still feel up for it .

I had a toyboy once, but I was only 17 when I married him. He has changed a bit, (a lot) but he's still a toyboy in my eyes.

rubylady

You must be one sexy lady !!

Make the most of it while you can.

I've just had some old bloke where I live tell me I should be the one cutting my husband's hedges .....what business is it of his ???? Can't even reach them !!!

Sorry for not conforming to your idea of normal , I enjoy bring different, no twin set and pearls or blue rinse for me
So why is this confident, unconventional, sexual woman asking advise from those older than herself, surely if you know what you are doing and how you want to live your life you ll be out there doing it without needing any 'granny advice'. Go about this old relationship or any new ones however you want and enjoy yourself you don't need anything from this thread unless of course the old cougar is a bit lost and not quite as confident and unconventional as she would like to be.
I sincerely hope you find whatever you are looking for Rubylady good luck in your quest

Just wondering how old you are Daphne?

Daphne You mean my son? As long as he was happy, I wouldn't care what age anyone was, because I'm not prejudice against anyone. Three messages in minutes? It must really upset you that I have had a relationship with a young man. Lots of things happened when I got divorced. I was seeing another young man before him, a 21 year old, for six months. And I also kissed a woman! Aw, shock!!!! She was younger than me too, and very pretty.

Sorry for not conforming to your idea of "normal". I enjoy being different, no twin set and pearls or blue rinse for me!

Just wondering how anybody would feel if their son came back from his first term at uni with a 40-year old divorcée in tow (with a young child)?

So he was only 23 when you split up? Blimey...

Surely you have said you are only 50 so he must be 33 - and that is too OLD?
Any younger and he could nearly be one of your son's uni mates

Sounds as if there are at least two other women who could claim him as their sexy toy boy lover within that 5 year period
How humiliating for you.

I wasn't married to him, he was 17 years my junior, my delightful dishy sexy toyboy lover, well worth it at the time!

He came along after my divorce, so we had lots of fun, both in and out of the bedroom. But you all are right, the past is the past and I will leave it there. Besides, he's too old for me now! Time to find some fresh young meat. There's life in the old dog yet!

You didn't send him a message on FB to notify him of the friend's death, you used that an an excuse to make contact with him/give him a response to respond to you.

I think you're on a hiding to nothing for all the reasons above. Exes are exes for a reason. It didn't work out the first time round so it's unlikely to again. I think you're viewing this through rose tinted specs.

If he responds to your FB message thanking you for informing him, just ignore it and leave it at that. Don't start entering into a conversation with him. Walk away with your head held high.

He had two affairs in the five years together so how wasn't that the reason for the breakup. He can't be trusted. Don't clutch at straws in case you may be lonely. Better on your own that with a cheat. I could not live like that and really cannot understand why anyone would stay, he broke his wedding vows twice what makes you think he is a changed man? I would give him a very wide berth.

Ruby, you do indeed now have to think of yourself and put yourself first. However, if he gets in touch and you're feeling strong, and curious, why not give it a go? I don't mean leap into a relationship, if invited, I mean meet as people who once knew each other.
Have a coffee or a meal.
I'm on very good terms with a few men I knew well long ago. I occasionally get together with one or other and mull over old times, have a laugh. They are my friends now, the fires have cooled to embers. There's a lot of shared history.
Then of course there's the one who still pops up on FB or emails me out of the blue.Clearly has NO IDEA that although I no longer fear seeing him I'd certainly never want to. He probably doesn't understand why I got away or what was wrong with the relationship. His recollections must be so different from mine, I couldn't, wouldn't, even try to explain.
Anyway I hope your son goes off to university ready to tackle this new stage of his life. All the best!

You sent him a message which was a clear signal that you were thinking about him!.
You are now going to feel hurt if he fails to get in touch and excited if he does.
You will agree to meet up if that's what he wants because you're lonely but then what!!.
5 years is not a long time to be with someone and it rarely works out second time around. Beware, don't let your heart rule your head and don't forget he didn't just cheat on you once but twice, three times and maybe even more.

www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200510/rekindling-old-flame-or-not

"he didn't cause it per se" .....who did then, all the other women that he agreed to go out with while he knew he was a married man......?????

Please don't ask him why the relationship ended because you risk being very upset in a future with him, and older women tend to get more upset than young ones who have their whole future ahead of them. You have not said how old you actually are, but you would have to have an abundance of forgiveness to put up with what this old flame sounds like.

You did not say that he cheated on you numerous times - that is relevant. What I would say to you now is a little different, given that vital piece of information. Just have a laugh with him, make sure HE pays for everything, and choose some things you really like to eat/drink if you go out with him and concentrate at the same time on finding a man who is more loyal than that one, because he will break your heart again and again and again. There is always a reason why relationships end.

This is "wee small hours" fantasising isn't it rubylady?
I imagine we have all been known to do it, my first serious BF tracked me down via Friends Reunited and we are in (occasional) contact via FB as we are I think still fond-ish of each other as friends. He is married (second time, widowed from the wife who I think "took over" from me whe we split amicably enough) and we are both happy. A bit of me does the "what if" thing, but it is nonsense as too much water has flowed under the bridge!
Have the daydreams, rewrite the script, but don't mistake wishful thinking for reality!

Why is he single? Has he been cheating again?

He will see your little message as saying to him "I'm still interested, how about it?"
Is that really what you want to say to him?

Never go back! The past is a different country! DD3 went back to her estranged husband. It was a disaster.

If you are considering a relationship with him again, you will need to first decide if the ups of the good times are worth the issues caused by his inability to be faithful. It sounds as if you have to decide between a peaceful (maybe boring) life or a dramatic one with a fun person who cheats. Do you like calm or do you like drama?

Think why it ended. There has to be a reason even if it's just boredom. You were heartbroken you say, was he, if so why did you break up? When you have answered these questions perhaps you will know if you could begin again with a bit of experience under your belt. If you decide to go for it, just dont burn all your boats, I would see him, go on holidays etc but keep my own place, just to see how you work as a couple.Good luck

About a year after I escaped I started to see my ex and the relationship through rose tinted glasses. Was all of it really so bad? Did I still have feelings for him? I was much calmer and in control....dare I say more confident. I'd started my Jezebel period and decided to seduce him (he hadn't touched me in any way for the last nine years of our marriage). Sex seemed as good a way as any to judge how I felt quickly (and believe me with him it was quick lol). I can honestly say I felt nothing and it proved to me that the relationship was well and truly over.

Now, I'm not saying you should seduce your ex. Just be wary of how we see the past. It's natural to remember good times and block out the painful times. Both you and he will have changed over the last 10 years. You're not the same people you were back then. If you do decide to contact him and meet up be very careful. Be guided by your current feelings and not by the feelings of a long dead relationship. Keep him at arm's length and tread very carefully. He broke your heart once. Don't let him do it again.

Haha that's a very different story Rubylady from 'I ve been heartbroken over us finishing but he didn't cause it per se' to he had two affairs during your 5 years together, so I think he very much did cause it. I would suggest when you remember those great laughing, loving times you also remember the heart wrenching sad times when you learned of his latest affair and betrayal. That added piece of info should tell you all you need to know to answer your own question which I think you may have done however I m not convinced if he answers your message with a " I ve missed you too shall we try again" type message you wouldn't fall into his arms
Your choice of course but blindingly obvious to outsiders