Suicide and the aftermath.....please be kind, we are all suffering

So sorry for this awful situation bytheway and here is a big }}}HUG{{ to try and ease your anguish. After the funeral you can go back to work and that will make things better for you as you won't be all under each others feet. You and your H are being very kind and helping in a great time of sorrow and uncertainty. I'm sure your stepd will be pleased to move on to her own home asap and then when you look back you will be so pleased to have helped her out in her greatest hour of need. Keep strong

What an awful situation to be in, for all of you! Certainly hugs from me.
It's early days yet, but hopefully she'll be able to find accommodation for herself and the children eventually, near you.
When we came back from Singapore, ages ago, we moved in with my parents, until we found a place of our own. I expect they were relieved when we left (3 children). I couldn't have stayed much longer either, and I got on well with my parents.
Bon courage - you'll need it.
You need to get her Dad in action to move things on - does he go to work?

I wonder if she is in a position to sell the house they were living on and get something else. Perhaps somewhere closer to you. I can understand only too well about her not wanting to go back to that house, but given time she will surely want to move on. But great patience could well be called for from you. I do feel for you all.

Hugs to all of you left behind.

I'm so sorry to learn of this, how appalling for everyone. Are there any charities who can guide you through this, do Samaritans, for instance have any support groups? Or can you turn to your local religious ministers?

Again, I'm so sorry.

This is awful for everyone, you couldn't do anything other than house her at least till after the funeral. She may then be in a place to think more clearly about her future. She will no doubt want to move on as others have said. Keep yourself together by thinking that this is a temporary solution, she wont want to live with you for evermore. She will gradually want to get her life back together. It wont be easy, but you are doing the right thing.

Lots of hugs and thoughts bytheway. You have coped so far and things will get better. Just take a day at a time. So lovely you and your DH can be there in her hour of need. Be as loving and patient as you can . Hopefully it will give you all stronger bonds as you go into the future.

Candlefran they may have well have been renting.
I have great empathy with you in regards to sharing your home I have had to do this twice for my D and two GS's one of which has ASD and am currently in the same situation. The need for your 'own space' is understandable. My situation does not compare to your family's though.
and ((hugs)) for you all.

That poor girl K must be going through so much pain. She needs time, care and support to cope with what life has just chucked at her. What she may see as deliberate desertion by her partner, instantly becoming the single parent of two youngsters, sole carer of an autistic child - and not being welcome at her only port of call.

I know OP said she just wanted a hug or two for herself and I hope she feels better for having voiced her feelings here. Perhaps a chat with a GP or counsellor about her fears of returning depression may help too.

Is K receiving any external support? There is a specific charity called SOBS - Survivors Of Bereavement by Suicide - which some friends of mine found helpful. Love and hugs to K and her children.

The time between death and funeral is a sort of limbo-land. Hopefully everyone will feel able to deal with things a bit better after that.

How devastating for you all. I cannot suggest anything, other than that which has already been said. Getting professional help, as a family, seems to be the way forward.
Sending you and hope for the way forward.

Just a small practical suggestion from me. Perhaps avoid the mealtime traumas by dining separately eg children first and then settle them with the Telly or whatever while the adults eat in peace. This is not the time to bother about instilling table manners.

How dreadful There is some good advice given above. I have no advice to give just to say that my brother committed suicide at the age of 24 many years ago. The shock of a death by suicide is unimaginable. We had no help, but we are a very close family and my siblings/in-laws helped each other through it. Best wishes to you all.

Here's a huge ((((((hug)))))))

You and your DH are wonderful. Your poor stepdaughter has brought herself and her children to the one safe harbour in all this misery and you have taken her in. All the more wonderful as you are not especially close to her.

Just hang on in there. It isn't easy I know, but you are doing the right thing and when they are ready you can help ease them back into independence. I'm sure you'll do everything possible that make this Christmas at least bearable for them.

There are times, and this is one of them, when we just have to bite the bullet and this is one of them. It won't be forever, but your kindness will be remembered for ever

Such an upheaval for you all , when you are used to being just OH and yourself in the house , the arrival of young children can cause tensions . You are doing your best for the poor family but you need to watch out for yourself too . Separate mealtimes sounds a good idea , and maybe going back to work ? what about part time ? I used to feel work gave me a breathing space , but if it is too much it won't help , the Step Daughter needs a lot of counselling and help

So very sorry to read this, some great advise already, so just adding some more hugs for you and for K and the children

Terrible situation for all. Well done for being so supportive. A 4 year old will be disturbed by a death, autism aside. The charity Winston's Wish offer specialist help for bereaved children, including special support for under 5s www.winstonswish.org.uk.
Warmest wishes.

So sorry for you all, what a difficult time it must be. I can't really add to the good advice already offered on here, separate meal times, return to work even if part time, professional help for your step daughter and children . Take one day at a time, try not to worry too much about the future and remember - this too will pass. You are doing a terrific job, bon courage.

Can't say anything but big hugs coming your way??

What a very distressing situation for you all. One thing I would say is that you should not feel guilty about finding the presence of this family stressful - anyone would feel the same. And it makes you doubly kind to be taking them in. Death by suicide is very traumatic for everyone around - how very sad.

I have nothing to add to the good advice here but do want to send you all a huge (((hug))).

Not at all the same, but when my DD moved in with 2 fairly traumatised children I used to stop the car in a layby, have a bar of chocolate and listen to some music. It was the only way I could get some 'me' time but it did me a world of good. Make sure you find time to look after yourself so you can look after everyone else.

Thanks all for your kind words, i wrote this post after having a particularly stressful day yesterday. Things are calmer today. K had/has a very well paid job and her partner was the stay at home Dad, so I think the children (and particularly the 1 year old) are missing their Dad.

We have had a discussion today and K is going to take over feed times for the kids, no mean feat with an autistic child who will only eat what she wants, and if she doesn't get what she wants will upend the plate or fling it across the room, play with the food and happily stay hungry.

We have had meetings with the health visitor to discuss the children's needs and the family liason officer is coming tomorrow to discuss any further help that can be offered by the authorities.

K seems much more upbeat today (though i know she is suffering terribly and keeping going for the kids) she is talking of getting the house up for sale and hopefully buying again close to us as her Dad (my husband) is retired and more able to help out on a practical level and a brother who lives close by too. Her employer has also said they will pull out all stops to find her position in our area when she ready to work again, even though they know it wont be for several months at the earliest.

Thanks again for all your kind words, they really are incredibly helpful and re-assuring.

So glad that things are moving on, and you've got some support from family services.
All 3 of them will miss the father of their family.
You and your husband are doing the right thing, however difficult.

I work in a children's respite home and we have Autistic children to
Look after on respite your,stepdaughter should be entitled to funded respite ,hope,fully,that will be arranged .

((Huggs)) as many as you need. That little family need you so much right now. I know an autistic child can be a handful but that child is still someone who can feel love and loss for their father and their mother will need support. Whatever you can do now could help save this little family. I hope you have the strength you need for all of you to get through this terrible time ??

All my sympathy and, indeed, many hugs, what a tragedy to have to cope with.

I googled 'Help for families after suicide' and there are a number of groups and charities set up to help and support families in the situation you are in. If you have the time and energy, try googling and looking at them. Many run helplines and one, Winston's wish has as its purpose helping children who have suffered a bereavement.