Well meant gift

A nice thank you card saying that you'd enjoyed a lovely meal but that any help you'd given over the years was given gladly and no recompense required or expected. Plus maybe a jokey wee comment like 'except a cutting from that clematis' or something like that?

Personally I wouldn't do anything. No doubt you are right in assuming that he likes to "pay his way" and doesn't want to be a charity case. You do a few things for him, so he feels that he wants to repay you .

It seems that normally his "thank you" consists of a bottle of wine which you appreciate ....but when money came into the picture you became uncomfortable.

I'd simply thank him and say you used it for a nice meal, and I'd leave it at that. This gentleman obviously feels OK about all your help if he is paying his way .....why disappoint or embarrass him by saying it makes you feel uncomfortable ?

People generally help people because appreciation is important to a person's well being. Yes we all need love but, above all we need appreciation. All you really need from him is appreciation. He needs it back and is asking for it the only way he can. It is also easy for old people to feel lonely. Loneliness is not necessarily being alone it is feeling unloved... Or unappreciated. So tell him how wonderful amd thoughtful his gift is, bring back a little souvenir to show him you thought of him. He needs the love and appreciation

I go and visit an old client in a care home once a month. I cut her nails and put a bit of polish on.
She is a lovely lady and we get on very well but the care home is just under 30miles away.
It takes me 45mins to get there and I stay about 1-2 hours. In fact the whole afternoon.
She pays me £10! Not quite the minimum hourly rate ?
I’d go anyway but she insists so I take it. It makes her feel better and gives her a bit of ‘power’. She has none otherwise.

Just say thank you.

Oh my. I agree with all the responses. Don't hurt him. This is his way of thanking you. It's all he can do really. You are clearly very good neighbours and he wants to let you know that he appreciates you. I think he'd be heartbroken if you did any of your options.

Badger badger....why don’t you invite him and his wife to come and spend his gift with you?
You can even out expenditure to suit yourselves, whilst having a nice relaxed evening together.

If you felt it was appropriate you could suggest doing it once a year and point out that it’s their company and being helpful that you like.

But let him ‘reward’ you with small ‘thank you’ gifts now and again, he has his pride!

Take it! Have a lovely meal. Thank your neighbour and continue to be 'good' neighbours. Maybe even invite them out for a lunch you pay for? Do not insult him by throwing it back or telling anyone else. He obviously wants you to have it knowing you are going away?

I understand you don't want any kind of repayment for being a good neighbour but sometimes people just want to show appreciation and I think that in this case, it is just that.

Why not suggest you all go out together for lunch/cake and coffee? Then use the money he gave you.

Have a really great meal and come home and thank him for his kindness. Don't throw it back in his face!!! He is clearly someone who values his dignity and you should respect that.

I think you should enjoy the delicious meal that you have with the £40.

People don't like to feel like charity cases.

When you get home, thank him profusely.

To return the money would be insulting. If you feel that uncomfortable, give it to a charity, but make sure you thank him for the delicious meal (didn’t) have.

I would take the money, thank him and tell him you had a lovely meal, as I'm sure it's makes him feel better, but add that he doesn't need to pay you.

My OH is a competent handyman and is happy to do small jobs for neighbours and doesn't want reward, saying it's a neighbourly thing to do, but one said I want to pay, otherwise I won't feel I can ask you again!!

I was going to suggest taking them out for a meal or lunch and using the money towards it.
You have already said that you don't expect payment for any help you give but have you used your car for anything? Given them lifts to hospital/doctors/ shopping?. Your neighbour is from the generation that doesn't expect something for nothing - my dad was just the same.
I would guess the neighbour's wife was fully aware that he would be giving you money, and had fully agreed that he should so I doubt if it would have been a secret from her.

We too have a lovely neighbour who takes us out for a meal after we have helped out in some way. We just enjoy our time with them and every so often take them out for no reason as a way of blessing them. Often it is the most gracious thing to do by accepting their gift.

My neighbour of ninety tries to give me a bottle of wine when I help her out and when I refused last week saying that I don’t want one every time I help, she made me laugh outright by saying “Am I giving you rubbish wine?”

That generation is very independent and doesn’t want to owe anybody for anything but as I explained I like to help her and I storing up good karma for when I need help one day!

For heavens sake, just enjoy it.

Why is it so difficult to accept people’s generosity of spirit.

You help them out, so what’s the problem.

Unconsciously, you are making this about you and your feelings. It would be very rude to hand the money back. Imagine how humiliated the poor man would feel to have a generous gesture thrown back in his face. It leaves him with 'nowhere to go' to protect his dignity. I'm sure you will, with imagination, find many nice little ways to reward his kindness, even though that is what he is doing for your kindness in the first place. What you give out you get back.

Thank them, use it as he wants and then ask them for a nice meal at your house.

We too have a similar situation with our neighbours. We often take them to the airport or station when they are off on their travels. We don’t mind at all but they really feel that they have to reciprocate by doing the same for us. We always refuse but then they give us presents to thank us.
Don’t refuse the money, just tell them that you enjoyed the meal.
Next time you do anything just say that you do it because “that’s what good neighbours do.”
At least you know you’re help is appreciated.

Keep the money to one side and invite him and his lovely wife out for lunch in your local, as your treat to them for being such lovely neighbours, use the money he gave you to pay for it.

gt66
I have one of those ? There is nothing he can't build/fix/repair.
He had done lots of work/jobs for our lovey neighbour. One day after finishing a job which saved her hundreds of pounds ( her words) she brought up the subject of money.
If there's one thing my. OH doesn't discuss, it's being paid for work done for friends/ neighbours.
She really really wanted to pay, because, as you say "she felt that she couldn't ask again.
Everyone's happy now.

I think it’s lovely that you help your neighbours in this way, and I wouldn’t worry about the money at all. He wanted to take you out for a meal but you couldn’t go, so he gave you the money instead. Accept it graciously, you do not want to offend him. Continue to help, your help is freely given and requires no recompense, but if he wants to take you for a meal occasionally, or brings you a bottle of wine, accept graciously, but do say you don’t need any reward. That’s what I would do.

Please accept this gift graciously!
Enjoy a meal while you are away and tell your neighbour how much you enjoyed it when you get back.

Just say thank you and accept it in the spirit that it was given. Then forget it.