Gransnet forums

Relationships

Mother and friend over lockdown and visiting

(75 Posts)
mrsgreenfingers56 Wed 22-Apr-20 18:19:10

My mother is 89 and has a gentleman friend of 94 who lives in the same street. They visit each other every day and haven't stopped during lockdown. I have tried to tell both of them they shouldn't be visiting and feel mean saying that due to their ages and no family visiting like myself. But I know they should be staying apart. They both tell me they are well and not having contact with anyone else and mum's friend of 94 tells me my mum cheers his day up. And visa versus. They are both fed up (like everyone else) that they can't go to church, their little coffee mornings, W.I. men's groups etc and I fully understand but feel they are breaking the rules and don't like to push any harder than I do.

Comments please would be appreciated. What would you do if this was your mum and friend? Thanks.

Callistemon Fri 24-Apr-20 10:32:04

Just because someone is 89 or even 94, if they have no health problems as listed in the shielding letter, then there is no reason not to do what they are doing as long as they see no-one else.

The letter does not say stay indoors anyway. Stay at home doesn't mean stay inside the house; if you are lucky enough to have a garden then use it.

rafichagran Fri 24-Apr-20 11:11:16

Let them carry on enjoying each others company. It's probably helping their mental health.

SalsaQueen Fri 24-Apr-20 11:41:32

I'd say let them enjoy each other's company. If they're not seeing anyone else anywhere, what harm can it do? At their ages, they won't have too many years left, anyway.

timetogo2016 Fri 24-Apr-20 14:04:57

Floradora9 is spot on.
At their age they possibly think stuff it we want to be happy.
And i don`t blame them.

Froglady Sat 25-Apr-20 09:11:58

You have done what you can. I would let them get on living their life as they choose. They're not endangering anyone else with this, as far as I can see.

readsalot Sat 25-Apr-20 09:16:17

I think they are lucky to have each other. Agree with let them be.

Marjgran Sat 25-Apr-20 09:25:20

Low risk. Leave them be. Wonderful

Aepgirl Sat 25-Apr-20 09:27:20

Yes, they are probably are breaking the rules, but let them have their social time together as they say they are not having contact with anybody else. I would imagine they are doing each other the world of good.

lynn56 Sat 25-Apr-20 09:29:09

I wish them well and envy their zest for life !
How lucky they have each other and don’t need to be alone and lonely .

Jaycee5 Sat 25-Apr-20 09:35:20

I agree with the majority of people on here. They are enjoying what time they have left and it is important at that age. My mother was 94 a couple of days ago and I wish she had a nice relationship like that. She does still have one or two good friends that she speaks to most weeks.
Her care home has done very well and no one there has caught the virus but she has really had enough now. She told me that the home is pretending that the virus is still a problem because they don't want her to go out. I told her that the lock in has been extended here to the end of May and she was really surprised although I have a feeling she now believes that I am part of the conspiracy. She would be much happier in her own home with a daily visit from a friend but unfortunately has become very accident prone. As long as they are only seeing each other it is not much different to them living in the same house.

Candy6 Sat 25-Apr-20 09:36:22

They’re really not doing any harm and are not risking anyone else so I would give my blessing for them to carry on.

crimpedhalo Sat 25-Apr-20 09:45:24

It depends on your own work/home circumstances and whether you are self isolating for yourself or other members of your family.

I would ask myself if my mother became ill and I had to look after her not knowing whether she had covid19, would I then have to either self isolate at home or stay with my mother.

I couldn't do that as my husband and son are self isolating for 12 weeks because of their conditions and they need me to stay safe. I too have diabetes and almost certainly liver disease and am self isolating.

polnan Sat 25-Apr-20 09:56:36

I think this question/thread is the answer to the other thread about ,, how many over 70`s will be content with an extended lockup of 12/18 months

gives the answer , I think... what do we have to lose?
well yes, I hear,,,, the burden on people having to nurse us if we get the virus..

but at our ages...... how do we know if we are not going to be a burden with something else.. dementia for example

I applaud them, wish I had a friend, not male! (dh died recently) but a friend that I could visit... and she well o.k. he,, could visit..

I am jealous in a nice way!

Teddy123 Sat 25-Apr-20 09:57:08

I'm soooo happy for them.
Let them enjoy life ???

Cp43 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:03:59

They should continue as they are.
I expect they know the risks.

Theoddbird Sat 25-Apr-20 10:19:15

This made me smile. I just thought how lovely. They are doing no harm.

Saggi Sat 25-Apr-20 10:25:50

For goodness sake, the only people they might be hurting are themselves....let them get on with what’s left of their lives, please. At their age laws/rules don’t mean much .

Tish Sat 25-Apr-20 10:28:42

If they have been visiting each other prior to the lock down then there’s no reason for them to stop now... as long as they are keeping to themselves and having someone do their shopping etc for them...

patricia1958 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:30:55

I'm on your side I am on the top priority list and cant even go past my front door I don't see anyone I'm not happy about it but it's what I have to do and they should tell them it's the goverment who make the rules and we all have to obey them

mrsgreenfingers56 Sat 25-Apr-20 10:33:57

You are all right ladies, thank you so much for this. Yes, they are such a blessing to one another. Dad died 16 years ago and mum met this gentleman about 8 years later and his wife had passed around the same time as my dad. They are both aware of not much time left type of thing and really care about one another. Let's hope if left widowed we all get a second chance and special friend as we call mum's friend. Wouldn't dare call him her boyfriend!

Oopsminty Sat 25-Apr-20 10:43:48

If this was my mother and friend I'd be encouraging them to continue. They aren't seeing anyone else and are clearly helping each other through a difficult time.

If their meetings were stopped it could cause trauma and other issues could arise.

It's a lovely friendship and they should be able to continue with their visiting.

Pinkrinse Sat 25-Apr-20 10:49:19

Hi, Whilst they are technically breaking the rules who are they harming? If there both not meeting anyone else there's little or no risk. At their age I'd be doing the same.

Armynanny Sat 25-Apr-20 11:08:56

My father in law is doing exactly the same, slightly younger but in their mid 80’s. It is a case of weighing up the risks and as both of them live alone and aren’t going out anywhere else the risk is very low and they enjoy seeing each other.

I would let them carry on.

Gwenisgreat1 Sat 25-Apr-20 11:12:39

Let them be! Just having such a friend will boost their immune systems. On their own they would be miserable and succumb to any bug going!!

Armynanny Sat 25-Apr-20 11:13:31

@mrsgreenfingers56

My late father had a woman friend after my mum passed away and I didn’t like to say ‘girlfriend’ so I referred to her as his ‘lady friend’. I was happy with that term.