Do people really enjoy being on their own? Or is that a defence?

This lockdown, and the awful weather, has made me feel quite lethargic. So I am happy to just stay in my Pjs all day, cook something from the freezer or eat left overs.
I don't know why I decided to host my son's 49th bday in my house (just forfamily) , lots of cooking , cleaning and the like . And then he, daughter in law and her parents went off on a staycation in the Cotswolds. I'm fuming -they could have invited me (I'm single). I feel sad and left out and used . Her parents are younger and more agile than ,me, but still ..

That's a shame CrazyH.
Are the parents paying for the trip? If so, your son and his wife will have seen this as the in-laws thing and not their own responsibility to invite you or not.

I live alone though I do have adult offspring varying distances away. I work part time so speak to people there, but on a week off I can easily, and very happily, speak to nobody except my dog and cats, I never feel the urge for human company and solitude is bliss. I don't socialise and doubt I ever will. Craving retirement in 2021 and much more time alone!

I do. I have lived on my own since last Autumn when my youngest daughter and her fiance moved out. I love it for all the reasons people have said,choice, tidiness etc. I have been divorced since 1995 and it did feel strange at first. Now it would feel stranger having someone here! I have friends who have been married for 50years. Sometimes I think it would have been nice but it's not if you are unhappy.
Since my divorce I've either been bringing up my daughters or caring for my parents.
I have good friends and enjoy socialising but theres always a slight sense of relief when get home however nice a time I have.
I always seem to strike up a conversation with people in cafes or on buses,but I'm perfectly happy if I dont.
I have daily contact with one of my daughters or the other and friends.
Lockdown has meant it's a household of myself and 2 cats. I have been content and totally occupied. I'm an only child and I wonder if that's why I'm good at occupying myself?
Occasionally I've wondered what it will be like if I developed a serious illness such as dementia but having a partner is no guarantee of anything, nor should it be a reason to be in a relationship. I'm perfectly happy now, maybe ask me in 20 years!

I like people and I would prefer not to be on my own but being on my own instead of in an abusive relationship or even a tepid relationship is bliss
I ve been on my own 23 years and really do find it absolutely fine I have lots of friends do voluntary work and other things like walking gardening Allotment beach swimming often solo but that’s fine I talk to everyone and anyone and I have no one trying to control me or have tantrums
I had one daughter and grandkids live with me for a year 13 years ago and that was fine to
Life is what you make it

FarNorth, I don't know whether d.i.ls parents paid for the holiday. My son is very well off and more likely, it's the other way round. She posted some photos on the Family whatsapp group, with the caption....'very stressed with 2 kids to look after...thank God my parents are with us' or words to that effect. I think it was directed at me - to soften the blow. I made no comment, even though it was lovely to see the little ones.

I'm an introvert and enjoy my own company, in fact I really need to have time alone. I'm not anti social and do like to see family and friends but not all the time.
I come from a large family that socialised all the time when I was a child and at times I felt uncomfortable and overwhelmed. I would go off on my own to avoid being with them.
I have often been thought of as unfriendly I'm sure but I can see that extroverts might find it hard to understand.

I love living alone! Not having to explain or justify where I’ve been, what I’ve spent or why. If I am awake and fancy a cup of tea at 2am, then I can have one without anyone requesting the same thing.
And the tv remote control is mine, all mine!

I love being on my own - I can go out when I want and come in when I want without having to let someone know if I'm going to be late. I can spend all day reading if that's what I want to do and nobody's going to want me to do something else. I've been on my own for over 35 years and don't want to change.
I'm not anti social and do like chatting to people but love the calm of my home when I go inside.

I'm another who loves spending time on my own.

Although it's great being with my husband and family, being able to relax, watch the TV programmes I choose, read, cook - whatever, time on my own is special.

Another one here who likes her own company and wonders how can some people can talk non stop every day!! I sometimes wish I could be more at ease with people, I do like the impromptu chats on trains and the buzz that can give you. I get that uplift. I am terrified though of being left on my own one day.....

I don’t live on my own but quite happy to be in my own company and enjoy peace and quiet.
That said I also enjoy being with others.
I think I have said before that I am not anti social but I am selectively social.

Lucky Girl! I am with you

I am 84 years of age, NEVER lived on my own, NEVER, my mum lived with me, and dh... when working fulltime, demanding job, I did enjoy time on my own.. but then I was not lonely cos lots of people in my life

the dh died last November,, then lockdown,, double whammy for me... then loneliness hit me....
wonder how I would have managed without the lockdown, but there..

I tell people I am lonely, I love people, I need people, not all the time, obviously, but church I go to,, told some of them,, no response whatsoever....

tell family, two grown sons, and dil, they do what they can , but they are all working,, even then,, visiting with them, afterwards seems to exacerbate my loneliness, so to me , loneliness is not having some to share...

I do have a very close gf, years younger than me, but we do not seem to recognise the difference in ages... I can talk to her, etc.. but that is not the same as really sharing the little things... I find this subject quite interesting as I have never been in this situation before..

so for me, loneliness I guess is having someone on the same wavelength, (but not always) but here, to share the little, everyday things..

I talk to my cat,, but not quite the same is it..

I could talk about God etc. but I sense that so many here would not be on my wave length, so if anyone wants to talk to me,,, just p.m. and perhaps if we are ... could then be emails??? the times I have approached people with this... doesn`t seem to get rid of the loneliness though...

I do quite enjoy being on my own. I love to walk and enjoy the countryside and also curl up with a good book. However it is good to know there is someone there if I need them. Perhaps if I was totally alone I would feel differently.

Yes absolutely, I just value every minute alone and seriously endure time with others which I find distracting and unedifying, in the main. Of corse it is necessary to put up with others pointless prattle, just for the sake of peace and harmony, (I am married after all) but given the choice, yes please all of you go out for the day and leave me to my own, lovely, peaceful devices

I lived on my own for seven years. Never had a problem with it.

It took me a very long time to realise that being part of a couple isn't the be all and end all. That endless what would you like to do, like to eat, trying to please a bloke - I genuinely don't know why I ever wanted that. Societal pressure, I suppose.
As a friend said a while ago, 'I put something down, go to work, and when I come home, it's where I left it. Same as, I clean the bathroom, and the following day, it's still clean'.

I think it's fine if you have family somewhere to call on and connect with when you want. But as an only child without children I have always felt very alone and now my mother has died it's horrible. I have clung on to the wrong partners because of this near panic I feel at the thought of being entirely on my own. Of course I have friends but no close family at all. I don't believe we are meant to be on our own, social and familial groups are the most important things we have that's why it is natural to most of us to gravitate towards them. So though it depends on the person and circumstances as to how much time you can tolerate on your own, I firmly believe isolation is neither natural nor normal - and as we grow older and possibly infirm it gets to be more of a burden and even danger. But good luck to those who happily manage on their own!

Another only child here who was used to spending a lot of time on her own. What I am finding difficult is being lonely within marriage as DH disappears into illness and my friend and partner of nearly 60 years is a shell and not the man I knew. So I miss the jokes, the ideas and the fun. And I miss being a wife now I am a career first and foremost.

I value my friends more than ever and regard my brief escapes as life savers.

I've always been a bit of a loner, I suspect I prefer books to people but all the time? Lockdown is a little depressing at times as I haven't had any visitors for a couple of months now. I've always had hobbies and am never bored. However, I do feel the need for some social interaction but feel relieved to get home.
I've been widowed for nearly ten years and my husband liked his own space too. We understood each other. As with many in my situation I do miss having someone to do nothing with but there's no way I'm going to welcome another partner into my life. I muddle along.

Hi All

I love my own company, even though I live with my partner. Our work shift patterns, give us time to have our own space.

It's nice to touch base with yourself and enjoy doing things that you like. Gives me time to watch my girly programmes .

I am a bit of a loner, but have a large family and circle of friends, who I meet up with, when I'm feeling in a social mood.

It would be tough, if you are a social person but have lost touch with friends and family. I wouldn't like that. Because I have the choice, is what makes, my alone times fun.

I love being on my own too. The only thing I didn't like about lockdown was that the choice of being alone or not was taken away from me. I like to be able to choose whether I'm on my own or not.

Some people are more sociable than others and some people need more time alone to recharge their batteries. It depends on your personality I suppose and maybe your upbringng. If you were an only child you probably don't mind being on your own as much.

I think I've got used to being on my own, and I'm content. The fact is I wouldn't want someone permanently in my space, but visitors are fine. I'm never bored, and I usually have a 'to-do' list.

Being lonely is something I fear, its painful. My heart goes out to anyone who is lonely. Its not the same as being alone. I have been very lonely at periods throughout my life, and sometimes it has been when I am surrounded by other people. Its a state of mind. I had a sort of mini breakdown about fifteen years ago and I have never felt so alone, despite the fact I was married with family and in a job. My mental state cut me off from other people. Contrast that with the lock-down when despite all normal activities ending and having no face to face access to friends, I didnt feel lonely at all. Possibly because a lot of other people were in the same boat and in a weird way I wasnt alone with my situation and thoughts. There were fellow sufferers.