Ongoing strained relationship with Son

I would take dils anger with a pinch of salt. She's angry because her mother got hurt. Perhaps son was meant to ask earlier and forgot. Dil possibly finds the whole situation with childcare being mixed up with family tensions really stressful and this was the last straw for her.

Your son sounds like he needs to grow up. It could be that he feels you prioritise oh over him too much, but he should recognise that the childcare is where you've been prioritising him, he can't have all of you all of the time.

Your son and his wife are in the wrong here. You have done two days child care, shocking to be treated like this
I’m so sorry that they’re threatening to stop yiu seeing their children. You clearly love them. It is very difficult to rebuild relationships that reach this stage. Trust destroyed

If my son, daughter, or in laws told me to F... O.. I would do just that.
This vile pair are cutting of their noses to spite their face. They have lost two days childcare.

I have to agree tickingbird but it's very sad.

I’m sorry to say this but your son sounds a nasty, manipulative man child. How dare his wife tell you to F.., off? I know you are frightened of losing contact with your GC but there’s nothing you can do. Don’t give up your life with your OH for this nasty pair. As for grandparents rights they don’t really exist. I don’t advise going down the courts route. Please think of yourself and enjoy your life and stop being blackmailed by them.

HI, I am sad to hear that you are having so much trouble with you family. It is such a difficult one. I do understand that you need your time and that boundaries are important. However, I think your son and his wife are upset maybe because Sunday may be a ng day that they might like as a family, including you. Perhaps the hurt can be talked about and maybe the boundaries could be a little more flexible. Perhaps you could see them every other Sunday or one Sunday per month, talking and trying to make arrangements that suite all is best and we all have to be prepared in these situations to listen to others and why they are so hurt. I say this because I have not had good relationships with my son and his family for 5 years now. I have never understood why as we have been full on parents and grandparents until then. I looked after 2 grand children before they went to school and my husband worked with my son in his business then handed it over to him when he retired. We also gave them money for the deposit on their house and loads of support. I am heart broken. We now have nothing to do with them at all. So be very careful

Msida, there is a lot going on here, the poster is perfectly right in placing boundaries, she has her grandchikdren two days a week so she’s hardly being difficult. I was the grandma that always said yes to babysitting, cancelling our own arrangements at times. I wish I hadn’t, the demands became more and in the end when I wasn’t useful I was estranged.
Edge27, I feel for you and hope you continue not to be blackmailed, that’s what it amounts to, you do this or I will stop you doing that. If the occasion was so important why so last minute?
I personally wouldn’t go to court for contact, it would in many cases cause irreparable damage, but it’s down to the individual.

He is a grown man. If he can not respect this simple boundary it just goes to further prove the issues he clearly has.

I agree. People are entitled to make their own decisions about what works for them in their lives and to equate this decision with "not prioritising" and "its OHS fault" sounds like childish tantrums!

However we have no way of knowing what on earth has triggered all this and why DIL behaves as she does. .. there may have been no trigger tho in terms of anything OP has or has not done.

OP - how awful to be caught between a rock and a hard place with OH saying you risk losing him. So sorry!

Msida

Sorry what.. You told your son he can't visit on Sundays because you want to be alone with your other half

That's sounds so silly, if I said that to my children they probably would think I am joking

I do wonder what you would say if he gave you certain days you can not visit him ??

I am with your son on this I think for a Mum to say this to her son, well its sad especially for your son

I would have really hated it if my Mother would have said that to me and I would have been very upset

Have never heard such a thing

I hope my frankness has not upset you that is not my intention but wanted for you to perhaps see it from your sons side

I hope you resolve this issue because sons are precious parts of our family and life is too short to be arguing and fighting with our sons of all people

I don't think there is anything strange about that request at all.

Why wouldn't people want to day to be with their partners and enjoy their company in peace?

He is a grown man. If he can not respect this simple boundary it just goes to further prove the issues he clearly has.

Sorry what.. You told your son he can't visit on Sundays because you want to be alone with your other half

That's sounds so silly, if I said that to my children they probably would think I am joking

I do wonder what you would say if he gave you certain days you can not visit him ??

I am with your son on this I think for a Mum to say this to her son, well its sad especially for your son

I would have really hated it if my Mother would have said that to me and I would have been very upset

Have never heard such a thing

I hope my frankness has not upset you that is not my intention but wanted for you to perhaps see it from your sons side

I hope you resolve this issue because sons are precious parts of our family and life is too short to be arguing and fighting with our sons of all people

I hope I get a response from this or maybe start another thread. I want to thank all of you for you kind words and advice.
It has been an awful week. To much has happened for me to write it all down, but this is the gist of it.
My DIL has turned against me and said something not very nice about my OH. Her parting words to me yesterday when I picked up my GS was F.... Off. I was fuming . My son once again was blaming my OH for everything.
My DIL has now said she won't let me see the GC anymore.
My OH has finally had enough of the situation and has told me to cut all ties with them all or risk losing him.
To be honest after the my son and DIL has treated me I no longer want anything to do with them, but can't bear the thought of not seeing my GC. I feel on the verge of a breakdown and for the sake of my health I am going down the road of having to give my GC up as I cannot see the situation ever changing. I know they will tell my GC that Nanny doesn't love them more, but if I can afford it I will fight for Grandparents rights. Am I doing the right thing. Also, I have been with my OH for 18 years.

Sometimes you have to step back and realise that your nearest and dearest, your son in this case, is bullying you.
Research tactics for dealing with bullies, and choose the ones that will work for you. Stay strong! You need to change a life time’s habit of giving in to him, one tactic at a time, it can be done.

It sounds to me like there is jealousy there with your son.

His behavior is that of a child.

You have every right to say you want to spend your sunday with your OH every right.

I cant help but wonder why you werent given an explanation as to why they wanted you to look after the GC! If you were given a reason for their request then you would have gone but if you dont know, how can you then be in the firing line ?

Of course your OH comes first. I'd not provide childcare until I received an apology for bad behaviour.

I'm so sorry, I'm glad you are sticking to your boundaries

It sounds like they take you for granted. You are very generous to babysit two days a week and there is nothing wrong with having Sunday set aside as quiet time for you and your partner.

Your son and DIL are being very immature and unfair. It's their job to care for their children. You have the right to say not. They asked at the last minute. They didn't tell you that it was for something special (and you could still have said no). Now they are excluding you. I can understand this is hurtful for you.

Such an unfair situation

So have they said they don’t want any help looking after the children anymore? I would say they can’t have their cake and eat it. If it was so important to go out they should have told you, given you some notice but still should have accepted your decision with a good grace if it was a refusal. Your son sounds a bit immature to me.

One question I have is, if it was such a special occasion for MIL to be taken out for a meal, why was it left til the last minute to ask you to babysit?
I'm afraid if I was treated so badly by my son and DIL, I would stop the other babysitting and limit contact. It sounds very much like your GC is being used as a pawn in what comes across as a very toxic relationship. I admire you making a stand and you should carry on with it. You deserve much better hugs x

Oh my goodness, as Bibbity (above) has said, if you’re not invited to the christening how can you be expected to take care of the children? How will you feel when you see them again after the baptism? In your shoes I’d back off, big time for a bit & maybe not look after the kids? Feign illness or something & let them find out just how much they rely on you. Their attitude beggars belief.
Your son & wife do sound bullying & disrespectful. Well done you for not giving into the Sunday request to babysit. Who do they think they are to blackmail and ostracise you. That’s dreadful.

It's great you are standing up against his abuse.

I assume that as you are not good enough to attend the christening your childcare duties in the week are also cancelled?

Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward is a very useful book on this type of situation. One useful tip she gives is just pick one sentence eg Sorry Sunday doesn't work for me...no other explanation . Getting into a discussion just gives him more opportunity to bully you.
You are doing nothing wrong.

Well done you for managing to say no to his request for babysitting at short notice. It's very difficult, I know.

I agree with Fleur20 you are allowed to have your own life with whoever you choose Edge26 your son and daughter in law sound like spoiled brats who take too much for granted. Stay strong.

Stay strong.
Tough love can be required at any age.
You are absolutely entitled to your own life and to live it with the person you choose.
When you have children they are your responsibility until they are adults and are independent. You know this, I know this. Your son is still learning it appears. He cant pap them off when it isnt convenient. Any more than he can snap his fingers and have you jump.
Their reaction reveals who they really are. Rude, disrespectful and entitled.
You have done nothing wrong in this situation,
Step back and take care.